tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post9186184086206563892..comments2024-02-22T02:15:01.912-08:00Comments on The Narcissistic Continuum: Dr. Diamond writes about Mark CastilloCZBZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-39178023726765470312009-12-31T10:01:32.257-08:002009-12-31T10:01:32.257-08:00When I was a child, from about the age of 3 onward...When I was a child, from about the age of 3 onward, people used to comment on the dark circles beneath my eyes, suggest that I was maybe anemic, or maybe I should try going to bed earlier. They didn't know or perhaps they didn't care to know that I was in constant fear for my life, that my mother would awaken me at two AM by pulling down my covers, and slashing across me with a 2 inch wide leather belt, until I could scramble across the bed to cower between it and the wall. I screamed my lungs out when she slammed the buckle end into my head because I refused to come out and let her whip me with the belt. My fingers to this day, still do not work entirely right because she hit them with the buckle when I used them to protect my head. I knew one day she would kill me, and I even knew that somehow she would get away with it and I would be blamed for causing my own death.<br />It culminated when I was fifteen and she trapped me in our tiny bathroom, me naked, her still armed with the belt. The bathroom was so small she eventually gave up on trying to use the belt, and started using her fists, then once she got me down on the floor, beating my head into the tile. In the only time my father ever intervened, he broke down the door after I stopped screaming, and pulled her off me. I know of the narcissists rage, of the abuse, and the terror of the child victim. My mother too claimed, when confronted much later, that maybe what she did was wrong, but that she didn't know any better. I was her fourth child, and as a mother of two, I know better. I used to beg her to tell me what I did, and I did everything in my power to be as perfect as she wanted, failing miserably. My middle aged life is a shambles, the physical and emotional abuse she inflicted continues to take its toll on me. If any of these ND parents somehow believe they are doing their children a favor, or believe that we will somehow block it out, they need only look at me as the terrible fate that awaits their children. I never hurt anyone, I never killed anyone, I never turned to drugs, or alcohol. I turned out to be a nothing who doesn't know how to stop being a nothing. I was never supposed to be more successful at anything than her; congrats to me, I achieved that goal for her. I gave up on God when prayer didn't stop any of it. I gave up on family and friends when none of them spoke up or even tried to help me. And I finally gave up on myself when I realized I could never escape my past and save myself. Sorry, I seem to have shared a bit too much here, but under the anonymous umbrella I guess it is okay. Thank you for your time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com