tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post3106628338929949040..comments2024-02-22T02:15:01.912-08:00Comments on The Narcissistic Continuum: Intentional InfidelityCZBZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-54603977503822083322014-06-21T16:40:00.775-07:002014-06-21T16:40:00.775-07:00Very interesting comment, anon. When I write about...Very interesting comment, anon. When I write about sexism, someone usually reminds me that "men suffer, too". I understand people feeling sensitive to the view of narcissism as a predominately male character trait; we've only recently been talking about female narcissists and the damage they can do to a partner, a family, an organization.<br /><br />A female narcissist can be ruthless. However, her aggression is not sanctioned by society like male narcissists, so there's that. Her "infidelity" is less acceptable, too although I'm sure that's no recompense to a man who's been betrayed. A distinction comes to mind here:<br /><br />When a man betrays his partner, the general assumption is that something is wrong with "her" because she could not keep her partner satisfied (sex may have nothing to do with infidelity but that's another essay). <br /><br />When a woman betrays her partner, the general assumption is that something is wrong with "her." <br /><br />;-P<br /><br />This is my impression having witnessed people's reactions to infidelity. And of course, being subjected to insults when my partner betrayed me. Nothing brings sexism home quite like being replaced by another woman and nobody gives his behavior another thought. "Men will be men" and all that misogynistic bullshite. <br /><br />But your question is intriguing and brings me to a new level of thought about the damage a male narcissist does to women's lives (and often without censure!). I hadn't considered there might be a distinction of difference.<br /><br />Hugs<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-37838429636863418102014-06-21T00:10:42.414-07:002014-06-21T00:10:42.414-07:00"I don't doubt that women are subjected t..."I don't doubt that women are subjected to much sexism in life, but I hope people don't forget there are men who go through the same experiences with female narcissists and the story is not so different. It can affect men, and little boys and children greatly. "<br /><br />Source? I know a female narcissist who was married to an ex soldier. After they had a big fight he left for Australia to meet some woman he met overseas (which happened while they were still together). To be fair she has cheated on boyfriends before him. They weren't so much sordid affairs as they were just one night stands and I'm not even sure that most of those guys ever found out. <br /><br />I'm not suggesting that all men are terrible or something like that. But if women suffer more from male narcissists then we need to accept that as long as it is the truth. If you're just saying that men suffer the same, then you'll need evidence. <br /><br />I can accept the fact that over 90% of criminals are men without hating men. I've been partnered for the last 6 years to the same man. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-5480960749154562582012-10-31T05:45:04.297-07:002012-10-31T05:45:04.297-07:00Very needed. Thank you!Very needed. Thank you!Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14703563527134415950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-82990993447417172072011-07-25T21:13:38.838-07:002011-07-25T21:13:38.838-07:00"Pity Limbaugh hasn't found a better way ..."Pity Limbaugh hasn't found a better way to use HIS mouth!"<br /><br />hahaha...If he has found another way to use his mouth, I sure don't wanna hear about it. <br /><br /><br />Hugs,<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-16745812312972204222011-07-23T22:44:16.222-07:002011-07-23T22:44:16.222-07:00Infidelity is seen as a victimless crime? That is...Infidelity is seen as a victimless crime? That is news to me! It may or may not be a criminal offense, depending on where you live, but how can anyone call it victimless? Don't the wife and children count?<br /><br />What people of Limbaugh's ilk fail to get is that marriage is a legal contract and the person having an affair has broken the contract. <br /><br />These same people get all worked up when contracts are broken in the world of business and government, warning us of the "slippery slope of moral hazard" and how sacred contract law is in civilized society etc. etc.<br /><br />Pity Limbaugh hasn't found a better way to use his mouth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-6835778658544049922010-10-26T05:26:11.113-07:002010-10-26T05:26:11.113-07:00I am totally open to opinion - I have been married...I am totally open to opinion - I have been married to my husband of 1.5 years who had a work breakdown 2 years ago...I experienced something similar 4 years prior so thought I had a real support opportunity for this extremelys successful executive....he still isn't working, turned to alcohol daily, ignores my attempts at budgeting and dealing with daily issues, and is constantly blaming everyone else, and after supporting him for 2 years financially, found out that for the past 4 months, he's been online looking for "afternoon delights"...didn't want to leave me apparently, but I left him....he said it didn't mean anything and he never would have 'hooked up'....is this just ego or narcissim...he gave me a family of his older children and their grandkids...and now we are slowly tearing apart....do I trust him when he says 'all he needs is a job and it will be ok'....??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-59819064167760138942010-02-02T08:01:07.367-08:002010-02-02T08:01:07.367-08:00I am a man that has recently been dumped by a woma...I am a man that has recently been dumped by a woman who has NPD,and I thought I would share my thoughts, story and hope others can heal, forgive, and get back the part of their soul that was damaged by their N partner. I met this woman, and she totally blew me away and met all the things I was seeking. After being single a few years, I had a mental "checklist" of things I wanted, sought in a mate, as most of us do. She was on the surface accomodating, well spoken, very financially sucessful, immaculately dressed, etc. I fell hard for her. I have never had trouble meeting or dating women, as I have been a fitness model and have done well in business. As I got closer to this woman and showed intimacy, she totally shut me out, never returned my calls, and throught a text message said were done, never call me again! I was stunned, broken, and had no closure, but respected her wishes. <br />After initially meeting her, I am open and communicative, and we shared things about our past, ( me doing the sharing, and her not really wanting to) she told me of childhood sexual, mental and physical abuse. I would just like to say that I have difficulty when I read here, or elsewhere on the net, etc of the "vampires", and other negative labels put on narcissists. I have begun my healing, although the hrut is like no other i have ever felt. I see this woman as a young girl, who was abused, and being a caring, empathetic soul, I picture her on her bed, crying, sad, in her room after being abused. We are all born innocent children, and I ache and hurt for HER, not me now. To know that I must walk a away from someone that NEEDS help, love, and "fixing" is hard as a loving human. We will eventually heal, with some scars, but to know this woman, who isstill that helpless, innocent child, will walk a lonely path, lonelier as time passes, ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME!I am in tears as I tyoe this, I say a prayer for her each night. I know that her disorder has shunned her from loving me, and others, so please find it in your hearts to see the "vampire" as a helpess child,that suffered from early in life, and find forgiveness in your heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-89669855061057619902009-09-21T19:25:17.741-07:002009-09-21T19:25:17.741-07:00Love the Limbaugh insight. It has always amazed me...Love the Limbaugh insight. It has always amazed me at how men could justify an affair by a full-frontal assault on the wife: nag, b!tch, lazy, whatever insults he can come up with from minor problems from the past or from his *perceptions* at the moment. In fact, my ex told me he was cheating because it was my fault! Literally. It darn near knocked me over to hear those words. My ex loved Limbaugh, and I can see why. I heard so much of the same attitude out of my ex, words that at the time took the wind out of my sails. Now, looking back and reading and learning so much, I am happy my ex is no longer a part of my life. The crazy-making behavior is something else when you really live with it. A narcissist is quite talented at coming up with reasoning and methods to make themselves look like the victim.<br /><br />Still, it never fails to amaze me to see the same stories played out over and over again, just different characters using different words. Same attitudes. I think what Limbaugh said about Elizabeth Edwards was shameful.<br /><br />Thanks for the insight. I'm sure I'll be back to read more.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04656860674485233493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-42439439625611906672008-12-10T12:20:00.000-08:002008-12-10T12:20:00.000-08:00Very interesting, I hadn't seen that side of what ...Very interesting, I hadn't seen that side of what I have gone through. My ex-husband, who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as NPD, cheated on me at a time when he was having significant problems at work. I believe he wanted to create a diversion from his job difficulties and destroy his marriage so he could blame his subsequent job/career loss on the divorce. Which is what he did, but he doesn't like that he has no credibility as he lost his job, but I have done very well in mine and I have succeeded as a single mother better without him and he has failed miserably without me. <BR/><BR/>I now see through your article that he was also cheating in order to destroy my self-esteem and keep me weak and afraid to leave and he hoped to KEEP me through his job loss so that he could rely on me and my income!<BR/><BR/>However, he subsequently married a woman WAY "lower" than I (and I only mean this in the sense that I am well-educated and successful whereas new wife is a former stripper and has other "issues" - including three prior husbands at the age of 27). Again, I now realize this is an attack on me and what I represent, which is respectable womanhood. I get it and it doesn't bother me in any real sense, but it is painful if I let myself think about it. <BR/><BR/>Mostly, I just want NC so that I don't have to interact with his vile self (he enjoys being nasty and evil to me now that we are divorced more than he enjoyed pretending to be nice to me when I was his wife), but having young children makes this impossible. Any thoughts on what would make him get less pleasure out of hassling me???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-42197889038106237442008-08-20T15:11:00.000-07:002008-08-20T15:11:00.000-07:00CZBZ, wow, all these things have been on my mind l...CZBZ, wow, all these things have been on my mind lately. Thank you, I love your site. Be proud, Lady, be very proud.Wrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16607287191841980385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-19919324388189046282008-08-19T10:43:00.000-07:002008-08-19T10:43:00.000-07:00Thanks for clarifying, CZ, it does make me feel be...Thanks for clarifying, CZ, it does make me feel better. I don't see you as a man-hater or male basher at all. Just about everything I've learned about narcissism I've learned from women, and it does echo my experiences completely and I get just as much from it as everybody else. Its not hard for me to identify with what you write about. <BR/><BR/>I'd agree that an infidel woman is looked down upon more than a male doing the same thing. The N I dealt with though, was able to manipulate the people around her into thinking it was acceptable. Its acceptable to look for a replacement for your husband or partner if you lead them to believe he's horribly abusive. People might even encourage that behavior to help get you out of bad situation. Aren't N's crafty? But now that I think about it, narcissistic behavior does seem much more acceptable coming from a male than a female. <BR/><BR/>But! Its a great blog post and I don't want to debate or take away from what its about. I think its great what you are doing here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-64379084774377752512008-08-19T09:54:00.000-07:002008-08-19T09:54:00.000-07:00A W E S O M E ! _ CZBZA W E S O M E ! _ CZBZAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-43069231466002238702008-08-19T09:12:00.000-07:002008-08-19T09:12:00.000-07:00Hello, 'the stranger'! Thanks for reading and than...Hello, 'the stranger'! Thanks for reading and thank you for commenting on this message. Writing about sexism can be tricky if people leap to the false conclusion that criticizing 'the system' means I hate men.<BR/><BR/>I think it's crucial to view The System as something both men and women are 'shaped by' and also 'creators of'. So when I speak about sexism, I'm trying to describe how oblivious we are to a Way of Thinking that leads to dysfunctional (and limited) relationships. <BR/><BR/>More women write about male narcissists than the reverse. From what I've read about this gender difference, it appears women are more comfortable being self-revelatory. This might lead people to assume that narcissists are exclusively male, which isn't the case. <BR/><BR/>I'd love to see more men writing about female narcissists. <BR/><BR/>But what I do hope is that men, who have been in relationships with female narcissists, also see themselves in my essays. When it comes to Intentional Infidelity, female narcissists are just as malicious as men.<BR/><BR/>***One difference we might note is that an infidel woman deals with more social rejection than an infidel man. That might restrain her behavior somewhat; but, I’m guessing that any man who has been cuckolded feels the same way as myself. <BR/><BR/>Infidelity is not a ‘victimless crime’ as people would like to believe. I think it's important for people like ourselves to speak up and tell the truth about our experience. <BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/><BR/>CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-28861558930742990912008-08-19T08:39:00.000-07:002008-08-19T08:39:00.000-07:00I love what you write and your writing style. Its...I love what you write and your writing style. Its important to know others have been through these experiences and felt pain, and you share that well. <BR/><BR/>I don't doubt that women are subjected to much sexism in life, but I hope people don't forget there are men who go through the same experiences with female narcissists and the story is not so different. It can affect men, and little boys and children greatly. <BR/><BR/>But sexism is never fair. Keep up the good work and thanks for educating people!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com