tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post7187460301271605284..comments2024-02-22T02:15:01.912-08:00Comments on The Narcissistic Continuum: Silenced, Shamed & InvalidatedCZBZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-39293928505797376292016-05-25T16:49:39.020-07:002016-05-25T16:49:39.020-07:00ha! Well, you are very welcome, anonymous! Thanks ...ha! Well, you are very welcome, anonymous! Thanks for reading, laughing, crying, and "healing" with me.<br /><br />Hugs,<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-76458604336612409992016-05-22T17:59:14.379-07:002016-05-22T17:59:14.379-07:00Thank you, thank you, thank you! OMG I just love ...Thank you, thank you, thank you! OMG I just love your page. I feel so validated just reading this. "People's dubious assertions of morality when they lack the guts to make a judgement call". Shit is shit no matter how it is wrapped, bow et al. This is so timely for me for multiple reasons, PERFECT read to conclude my weekend.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-82736337164322796312014-12-28T15:59:52.913-08:002014-12-28T15:59:52.913-08:00Society needs, very desperately, to be made uncomf...Society needs, very desperately, to be made uncomfy when they spew their (very unChrist-like) victim blaming. Yeah, we don't want to impose our opinions on situations we know little to nothing about - so, people who victim-blame, desperately need to shut their pie-holes, period. Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12009191540139452049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-57410237844058547642012-10-09T05:13:43.703-07:002012-10-09T05:13:43.703-07:00I think "blame the victim" is as much a ...I think "blame the victim" is as much a superstition as "knocking on wood" or avoiding black cats on Friday the 13. If you blame the victim, you automatically focus attention on the victim's imagined faults, thus avoiding having your own faults examined and perhaps avoiding victimhood for yourself.<br /><br />Let's face it, if we weren't so quick to blame the victim, email scams and as-seen-on-TV products wouldn't be so available, would they? But they are, b/c nobody wants to admit to being taken in by con-artists, so instead of having to suffer the moral outrage of society, con-artists are lauded as cut-throat businessmen.alatarielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14014578065115034334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-79315067625578091962012-04-23T18:36:08.126-07:002012-04-23T18:36:08.126-07:00I'd love to hear more about your story Deborah...I'd love to hear more about your story Deborah, if you read this comment. You can join our forum here: webofnarcissism.com or of course, you can post on my blog.<br /><br />Narcissists will always go for the flattery and adoring attention...they might have to step on your face to get it though. <br /><br />I am really sorry for your heartbreak...betrayal is a terrible thing, so often minimized by people who haven't been through it. <br /><br />Big hugs,<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-47663557559526785382012-04-03T10:46:07.878-07:002012-04-03T10:46:07.878-07:00Thank you very much for this essay, it validates t...Thank you very much for this essay, it validates that I have been responding appropriately to the indignation, victimization and continued humilation that my former "N" has so graciously bestowed on me.<br /><br /> To be brief, he left me, moevd in with another woman and has married her in the couse of 4 months. We were to married....in a few short months. She works at our place of employment and he has manipulated the adminstration to the point that the agency hosted the wedding and the reception at the workplace and one of the therapist presided over the wedding. I find the entire thing as bizzare and inappropriate for the workplace. The happy couple had a whole page of the workplace newsletter dedicated to their Valentine's day lovefest. (We work in an outpatient Community Mental Health Cnter.)I am certain this was for the benefit of the "N" in regards to his pathologically disturbed ego and rage. Lucky for me I work in another building. My presence or feelings in the workplace were totally ignored. I have told anybody that would listen about this narcisstic creature and his behaviors. However, because they are combining homes with a total of 7 special need kids, people who don't have a clue including adminstration thinks they are "special". I have exposed him by sharing the facts. I was feeling that perhaps I am wrong to do this but I feel that it is a story that needs and should be told and in the end I am free and have learned some valuable life lessons both financially, introspectively. It is a life lesson that I needed to learn. (I also must admit I enjoy watching the look of horror when people ask me questions about what happened.)<br /><br />In the end, I believe he will be exposed for abusive grandfather that he is,the liar and manipulator that undoubtly will manifest itself in time, the poor nurse he married will soon be the victim of his rage, see her finances leave her and be feeling and looking like a dishrag.....such sweet revenge.....Deborahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-38254757475942969002011-12-30T15:30:37.304-08:002011-12-30T15:30:37.304-08:00Dios te bendiga!!
abrazo,
CZ
(And God Bless Goog...Dios te bendiga!!<br /><br />abrazo,<br />CZ<br /><br />(And God Bless Google Translate!)CZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-61154414272795401112011-12-30T04:40:37.736-08:002011-12-30T04:40:37.736-08:00CZ cuánto me has ayudado! Gracias por todas tus re...CZ cuánto me has ayudado! Gracias por todas tus reflexiones, solo decirte que más allá de la distancia y el idioma, sabes expresar mi experiencia mejor que yo misma! Dios te bendigaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-28836877363674150402011-07-29T05:51:24.992-07:002011-07-29T05:51:24.992-07:00Soapboxing? Oh, no, please soapbox away, it's...Soapboxing? Oh, no, please soapbox away, it's all relevant. Not to mention, you write with laser precision.<br /><br />"As far as people accepting the N's new partner? Well, the narcissist is manipulative enough to have made it impossible for anyone to object without suffering in some way: job loss; alienation in the community, blackmail of some kind." <br /><br />THIS is EXACTLY what is happening! ONE friend stood up for me. She said to my husband, "My husband and son need you; I don't." She laid into him about his moving the other woman across the country into my rental property, and while she told him off her husband- who needs mine- was begging her to stop talking. (Would you believe he has forced me into supporting her? I pay everything for the building except electricity.) And worse, he's gotten away with it because he's living in the unit and she's his "guest" in his home. <br /><br />The general consensus is that this is a private matter and people want to stay out of it.<br /><br />"And while collecting ammunition and discrediting you to other people, HE is PROFESSING undying love."<br /><br />Yep. Even 1 week prior to being told he'd lined up my replacement, he was swearing he was still madly in love with me after all these years and that he'd do whatever it took to pull our marriage together cuz we were going to be together for the rest of our lives.<br /><br />He has managed to hem me in on all sides and I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-76819000697631848802011-07-28T12:12:07.742-07:002011-07-28T12:12:07.742-07:00" while I was floundering trying to figure ou..." while I was floundering trying to figure out what was going on he's been very busy manipulating people's attitude towards me. "<br /><br />Dear Anonymous July 28th,<br /><br />Such a hurtful time for us when we're sensitive to our partner's discontent but might assume (as I did) that he's dealing with his own problems. If your relationship was like mine, the narcissist refuses to tell you he's decided he hates yer guts (and doesn't think much of your face, either). He keeps his disdain and accumulated resentments to himself, as if he's found the answers to his unhappiness.<br /><br />And while collecting ammunition and discrediting you to other people, HE is PROFESSING undying love. Painting pretty pictures of your retirement years, your golden years. And without credible evidence to the contrary, cognitive dissonance kicks in. We have this intuitive sense something is wrong but as far as we know, we're imagining problems where there aren't any.<br /><br />This can make a woman feel unstable within herself...as though we cannot trust our own perceptions.<br /><br />Narcissists can be extremely Machiavellian and callous when another person gets in the way of them having whatever the hell they want.<br /><br />As far as people accepting the N's new partner? Well, the narcissist is manipulative enough to have made it impossible for anyone to object without suffering in some way: job loss; alienation in the community, blackmail of some kind. The Narcissist puts other people's mental health in jeopardy to serve himself because most people do have a conscience and most people have moral natures and therefore, acquiescing to the narcissist's demands makes them feel bad about themselves.<br /><br />Most people want to be good people and do not like being put in a position where they must condone the narcissist's immoral behavior OR suffer severe consequences themselves. They'll do it, they'll put up with the N's outrageous arrogance but they won't feel 'good' about themselves. Once again, cognitive dissonance by way of the narcissist. <br /><br />So nobody in the entire situation is unaffected by the narcissist's Games, Manipulations and BULLYING. Because surely it IS bullying when the cowardly narcissist holds people's "souls" hostage to his demands. People find ways to cope and unfortunately, they resolve their dissonance by silencing their conscience and 'giving in' WHICH as you have experienced, includes scapegoating an innocent partner (you and thousands of other people like yourself!)<br /><br />I have never been so bold about infidelity as i am now...to be writing about my experience IS pretty bold considering the community from whence I came. Usually women just 'put up with it' and took the insults silently, as her plight in life. I have also become bolder within my community, always supporting the betrayed person and always holding the betrayer accountable. Not that my opinion carries any weight BUT, when I stand up for the ONLY victim in the triangle, other people take a stance, too.<br /><br />I believe this is better in the overall for a "mediated" society led by Peter Pipers with spiritual flutes.<br /><br />Gosh, maybe it's time for another Infidelity Post? LOL...sorry about the soapboxing in a comment section!<br /><br /><br />Hugs,<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-33939383960687777872011-07-28T08:11:41.452-07:002011-07-28T08:11:41.452-07:00I'm in this boat too. Our community has been ...I'm in this boat too. Our community has been shocked by my husband's behavior YET I am told because he has highly desirable skills the local community- and social circle- wishes to keep readily available to them, his ill treatment of me will be and is overlooked. Because of his usefulness to the local community and general likeability and charm he is not held accountable.<br /><br />My husband knows this and is using it to force people into accepting the woman he's chosen to replace me, despite the community's disgust with some of the things he's done- such as how he brought her here. It turns out he's been planning this divorce (only just begun) for awhile. For at least a year, what he said to me and what he said to everyone else were two very different things, and while I was floundering trying to figure out what was going on he's been very busy manipulating people's attitude towards me. Due to his prep work no matter what he does, should I object to his treatment of me, I somehow end up looking like I'm nuts or vindictive or the bad guy or a woman scorned, and as time goes on fewer people will talk to me.<br /><br />There's so much going on, but no one from our local community hears or cares. I've been marginalized.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-49700317890218598752010-06-20T21:55:54.990-07:002010-06-20T21:55:54.990-07:00I had my ass handed to be on a platter by an NPD/B...I had my ass handed to be on a platter by an NPD/BDP/ASPD some kinda comorbid hell on wheels about five years ago. Lost home, business, health, savings, personal property so maybe the reason I say my ass was handed to me is simply because that was all I had left....my hipshot diagnosis all over town. But damned if I was going to suffer in silence, even as I was making a horrific tailspin into a good three years of PTSD."<br /><br />HALLELUJAH!! After nearly a decade of abuse, slowly losing my self-esteem and strength by frog-simmered side-effect of marriage to a NPDer, I am being treated for severe PTSD. <br /><br />I discover that he had been maligning me to co-"friends" subtle manipulative "openness" for the NP supply. <br /><br />I broadcast the horror, armchair diagnosis, being abused, tormented and gaslighted (I refuse to ever be the victim). People don't want to hear it. They just want me to let go, move on. <br /><br />I realize, while there is empathy, sympathy, sincere concern - one can imagine what shit tastes like and wrinkle nose in disgust at the thought of it. But, until you actually taste the shit. It aint nearly the same honey.an honest womanhttp://www.anhonestwoman.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-22013311211826123092010-05-12T07:14:02.303-07:002010-05-12T07:14:02.303-07:00I moved for him, I changed jobs for him, I made su...I moved for him, I changed jobs for him, I made sure to prove in my actions how much I loved him and in the end when Mr Hyde occured, people in my environment said "Hmm, maybe if you hadn't been so reckless, this wouldn't have happened to you...".<br /><br />LDWUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01434454757059074614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-35432206927650063992010-02-22T12:23:28.607-08:002010-02-22T12:23:28.607-08:00Dear "a gal who has climbed out of the pits o...Dear "a gal who has climbed out of the pits of hell and lived to tell the tale",<br /><br />You've been down this lonely road and you know how hard it is to assert your side of the story when nobody wants to listen (or care). <br /><br />I just love it when a woman gets mad about being objectified, vilified, ostracized, and demonized simply because she doesn't like being any of the above. <br /><br />Society is real hard on victims of narcissists. That's because self-professed-victiNs have stolen the spotlight. ha! Think about it...admitting to being a victim these days is like yelling Leprosy or something. <br /><br />Nobody wants to have anything to do with you because, or so they say, you have a victim mentality.<br /><br />SHEESH<br /><br />Welcome to my blog...glad you found me! I look forward to hearing from you again!<br /><br />Hugs,<br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-68159977679887320932010-02-21T15:19:31.461-08:002010-02-21T15:19:31.461-08:00I've just discovered your blog and found much ...I've just discovered your blog and found much to chew on here. <br /><br />I had my ass handed to be on a platter by an NPD/BDP/ASPD some kinda comorbid hell on wheels about five years ago. Lost home, business, health, savings, personal property so maybe the reason I say my ass was handed to me is simply because that was all I had left.<br /><br />This hits a nerve. I felt buried in shame. Made myself very unpopular with my abuser's family by hollering the tale of what was done, and my hipshot diagnosis all over town. But damned if I was going to suffer in silence, even as I was making a horrific tailspin into a good three years of PTSD. They steal everything, why must we be silent? If we shut up we just keep the crap rolling. What's the proper Oprah-ism for that? Oh yeah, we enable it.<br /><br />No way sister. <br /><br />I feel the same way about Cluster B abusive parents. Once you get old enough to save your skin and run away, it is considered very poor form to talk about the abuse. It makes society uncomfy, y'know? They prefer the image of loving-kind-always-knows-what's-best-for-you mommy n' daddy.<br /><br />Yep, and that makes it easier for the current group of abusive parents, and the next generation and the next. <br /><br />Make a stink, I say. Make a stink and if we have to take some licks for it, so be it.<br /><br />Not like we haven't taken plenty already.<br /><br />- a gal who has climbed out of the pits of hell and lived to tell the tale...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-15844507908781958742008-09-16T05:11:00.000-07:002008-09-16T05:11:00.000-07:00CZBZ..I just think people are stupid. I don't thin...CZBZ..I just think people are stupid. I don't think they think deeply into much at all. Lots of people don't thing into any particular situation and circumstance and worst of all they do what they were told to do , think the way they were told to think. Sort of like being a democrat because ones parents are a democrat.<BR/><BR/>Humans have not developed the skills of examination and critical thinking nor autonomy. No one explores . they just take the easy ride...and the easy ride is the one that requires the least amount of effort and doesn't draw attention.<BR/><BR/>Most of all this is simply due to fear. I don't know how it was for you in grade school but as I observed...the reaction to a bullies threats and behaviors was one of backing off and saying nothing or joining the bully. Doesn't change that much. <BR/><BR/>I have just stated generalizations above. I don't have the statistics of the people who dig deeper, So I just refer in terms of "people", "they" , "Humans" or "no one". pretty shallow of me but I know that there are those that see into and those that have automatic blanket statements. <BR/><BR/>So when I say 'people are stupid" I mean to say they don't do any home work. No one bothers until it is them and even then it doesn't always happen.<BR/><BR/>courage is a word that is for some one who dares to speak out. I don't think the common citizen pursues courage on the behalf of his fellow human being. Well, not from what I have seen. Courage is something that ordinary people assume they lack and courage is belonging to the person in the magazine or the story book.<BR/><BR/>Also I think that people don't think they have a voice so they don't put much into it. <BR/><BR/>Anonymous eyesAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-38927038222979772412008-09-15T15:26:00.000-07:002008-09-15T15:26:00.000-07:00The good about Overcoming Abuse is that our hearts...The good about Overcoming Abuse is that our hearts have mended and we no longer feel the emotional pain of being treated like disposable objects. <BR/><BR/>The bad thing about Overcoming Abuse is that our hearts have mended and we no longer feel the emotional pain of being treated like disposable objects. <BR/><BR/>Some very fine bloggers have taught me the importance of Never Forgetting. Never becoming indifferent to injustice. The minute we do that, we are complicit in the escalation of injustice, often in the 'name of love.'<BR/><BR/>I must have written close to ten thousand messages since discovering the Internet in 2001. All I have to do is open a journal and remember the pain of being devalued, discarded, and left to my fate. <BR/><BR/>It was doubly traumatic to be asked 'what I did' to cause a man to leave. I'll never forget even if I somehow find a way to forgive. <BR/><BR/>I've thought about posting some of those early messages because despite my anger, fear and self-doubt, there was great courage in telling the truth. Whether people wanted to hear it or not. ha!<BR/><BR/>Thanks for commenting, theStranger. It's a helluva world, isn't it?<BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/>CZBZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-4245762960728478432008-09-15T14:28:00.000-07:002008-09-15T14:28:00.000-07:00This article definately hits close to home. The o...This article definately hits close to home. The one who abused me was definately given a free pass, and the community surrounding it all made many assumptions that would justify the abuse taking place. You do a great job of echoing the experience that seems all so common for us who go through it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com