tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.comments2024-02-22T02:15:01.912-08:00The Narcissistic ContinuumCZBZhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comBlogger3634125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-33336669517186563112020-12-29T13:13:24.587-08:002020-12-29T13:13:24.587-08:00Good grief! I can see why it looks like you appa...Good grief! I can see why it looks like you apparently shut down this blog! After the last 2 comments above on Nov-14-2019 and Oct-11-2020, I'd walk away too. Oh, yeah, we briefly chatted here on your blog between June20-Aug9 of 2012, on the Processing Grief and Loss entry.Rat Bazturdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-642660266842565582020-10-14T04:50:31.958-07:002020-10-14T04:50:31.958-07:00https://undercovernarcissist.blogspot.com/https://undercovernarcissist.blogspot.com/Rachel Finehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14701683281861134802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-91684341501301752802020-09-24T19:00:48.152-07:002020-09-24T19:00:48.152-07:00I found your post because I was trying to understa...I found your post because I was trying to understand what I had experienced on an online forum with a woman who is just as you described Melody. It's uncanny how spot on the description is, including her trying to turn me into the bad guy. The funny thing is that I have messages from her in which she berates me, calling me all sorts of names and swearing up and down, and I have never sent her any kind of messages and always been very careful about what I communicate to her, and yet she tries to play it publicly like I am the one who said all sorts of nasty things to her. Part of me wants to tell her to "prove it" and publicly post these emails from her so everyone can see what she's really like. Unfortunately, I don't have to because time after time I get messages from other members who need support because she is now covertly bullying them. And we can't seem to prove it to the moderators, they just say it's "interpersonal differences." Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-81708541088006576152020-08-03T01:32:28.712-07:002020-08-03T01:32:28.712-07:00I parented my 7 younger siblings from age 12 until...I parented my 7 younger siblings from age 12 until I was 18. At 12 my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He died when I was 17, and my mother kicked me out at 18 when she started dating and moved her boyfriend in. It was also shortly after my youngest brother cut his head open and ran to me screaming mommy. She was so angry. I kept order and structure but also kept the kids laughing. I was never mean to them. They hate me now. My older sister moved out shortly after my father got I'll. She resented that I took her "role" as young adults I had my younger siblings for most of the summers, and most of my siblings lived with me at some point. My oldest sister turned them against myself and my hubby slowly over time. Honestly I think they'd have resented me on their own anyway. I suppose in their eyes I abandoned them. I think they have mommy issues with me too, but I was never their mom. I love each and every one of them and it really hurts to be rejected by them. I do suffer from complex PTSD, and chronic illness. At 18 I had no place to go. This was before the days of social media and most people still didn't have cell phones. I lost my entire social network. I don't regret what I did. It had to be done but our entire focus was on making sure the little ones were "o.k." there was never any concern for me. I was the help. I was held to incredibly high standards that were nearly impossible to meet. My siblings are grown now, and responsible for their actions. Unfortunately the examples they saw was that I was disposable, replaceable. Just recently i was told that they don't know why my husband is still with me (because of my ptsd). He and I know why! It's a shame though. They should be happy for me, they should care. 10 years ago my house was the center of our family. They grew up almost as siblings to my oldest child, and for the 1st few years of my 2nd child life. Not anymore, they couldn't be bothered. The resentment is incredible. I did what was best for everyone. I sacrificed for all of them, and now I'm the one who's been rejected. Psychology can be a bummer!<br />VAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-17867721712541303532019-09-10T12:43:07.473-07:002019-09-10T12:43:07.473-07:00I found this post very interesting. I believe I ha...I found this post very interesting. I believe I have been a victim of a smear campaign which unfortunately has followed me from job to job and nothing changes. I believe someone I used to work with not only twisted my comments into signs I was jealous of somebody (there was a young woman who had suffered from bulimia and was still so very slim, I made the comment that I thought she still might have issues - but this was not said in malice). My former colleague told her it was because I was jealous. Then she got everyone convinced that when I didn't hear someone speaking to me, it was deliberate. You may argue, how did I know? The fact is, I felt the "vibes", I would raise my head, see the scowls on people's faces and sense something was wrong, especially when they cold-shouldered me for the rest of the day. I believe this was something else she encouraged. I know for a fact she has a history of this, as she had suggested everyone ignore a woman who had transgressed beforehand - and I regret I agreed - it seemed justified. But having been on the receiving end myself, I believe this woman should have been allowed at least an opportunity to defend herself.<br />When I was made redundant from this firm, I got another job, and a reference. However, l believe there was an addendum to this, an unflattering character reference.<br />So now everywhere I work, when I'm concentrating on what I am doing, or trying to, if I think someone is talking to someone else and not me, everyone believes I'm just ignoring them. No-one gives me the opportunity to defend myself, because as you point out, people believe what they want to, I believe they look for signs they have been warned of, and they find them. I feel powerless to change anything and I think I just have to accept things as they are. But at times it makes me feel very angry, frustrated and depressed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-39203630590605612002019-09-07T07:05:25.427-07:002019-09-07T07:05:25.427-07:00Hi CZ. I'd love to connect. I have a question...Hi CZ. I'd love to connect. I have a question for you. Hope your site gets back up soon! Hugs LLouise Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13522775693728655487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-24996282741982803982019-05-21T08:25:28.055-07:002019-05-21T08:25:28.055-07:00Dudeeeeeeeeeeeee
Thank you very much i just realis...Dudeeeeeeeeeeeee<br />Thank you very much i just realised i too have narcissistic qualities you gave me a head start this is what i was looking for thank you very much<br />Love youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-34807688451351798682019-05-06T02:54:17.963-07:002019-05-06T02:54:17.963-07:00My mother HATES all women - up to and including he...My mother HATES all women - up to and including her own daughters and her one and only Grandaughter (who she was prepared to hand over to her chid-abuser husband that she knew was an abuser - but oh well - she wanted her new fitted kitchens and her new fitted bedroom furniture and STUFF. And that came top of her list of priorities. My mother has totally bought into Patriarchy! Why? Because she is an ABUSER and patriarchy in her twisted mind is about POWER. These women are committed to ensuring the 'sins' of the 'fathers' are piled onto their small daughters heads. The girls my father abused? Yeah, they SEDUCED HIM. What about F.G.M? Hideous crime carried out by women on LITTLE GIRLS because some male fuck-wit decided that women shouldn't feel sexual pleasure - I was raped at 16 by a 45 year old man - mother does not know. I am 54 now - never bothered telling her because she would have told me that 'I brought it upon myself' She paints herself as a paragon of virtue - in fact she told me that she was a woman of 'very high morals and principles' is a 'practicing'Christian (oh God help ME - I am losing the plot...…..sorry.xxjonesteresa229https://www.blogger.com/profile/07174866520161702772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-10741794004785085962019-03-13T21:54:52.959-07:002019-03-13T21:54:52.959-07:00ice post.Keep sharing. Thanks for sharing.
ice post.Keep sharing. Thanks for sharing.<br />Clipping Pathhttps://www.clippingpathquick.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-32352336662812637852019-02-04T22:57:21.662-08:002019-02-04T22:57:21.662-08:00Narcissistic Personality Disorder is of course a m...Narcissistic Personality Disorder is of course a mental illness. If being implacably delusional about one's perfection, unique specialness, right to primary entitlement, assumption of ascendant knowledge based on no information but only an insular self-sense is not a mental illness, then nothing is. Try -- https://pessimisticshrink.blogspot.com/2014/03/ocean-and-boat.html.The Pessimistic Shrinkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11983145943616261426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-33027799652372990072019-01-03T05:18:24.938-08:002019-01-03T05:18:24.938-08:00Here is my situation and I hope you can point me t...Here is my situation and I hope you can point me to a recovery group or something that helps people who are struggling regaining their sense of self after lying to themselves for most of their life. I would like to think I have been honest but that’s not accurate. I would rationalize away all my honesty until there is nothing left of truth or my integrity.<br /><br />My wife and I had problems for a long time. I always thought it was her upbringing that caused our issues (her parents argued openly) while mine did not (avoided issues). We went back and forth about separating and divorcing for a long time because of our differences. We went to lots of therapy that seemed to not work. I still did not see my problems. I saw myself as taking care of the kids and she was in a deep depression. I did not know what to do. I realize now all the times she felt ignored and left behind and I was not there for her. At that time I asked a Facebook friend for help with my birthday party. She contacted me back after initially meeting and asked for an affair. I was beyond myself and was addicted to porn (had been since 10 and told no one). I gave my wife separation papers before I did anything physical with this woman. My wife was initially looking them over and gave them to her lawyer. I thought we were going to get divorced because of these years of issues. Then my wife says she wanted me back before she found out I was having an affair. I realize now it was an affair. Before I justified it as I did not do anything with her before the separation papers. Now I know the devastating effect my actions had. When my wife found out I was confronted and I left not wanting any damage to anyone. She tried contacting me but several hours later she decided to contact the police and change the locks. The next day was my middle child’s 11thr birthday party which I was told I was no allowed to go to. We started divorce proceedings and it was costly for all sorts of reasons. I could not see my children or her due to a PFA. I missed all my girls birthdays(11, 13, 7) because of my actions. I missed all the summer because of my actions. I dived deeper into denial with the affair partner. I thought any contact with my wife was an automatic jail sentence. The affair partner was deeply invested in me and I told her lies I realize now because she made me feel good about myself even though I’m a lousy person. She is very dysfunctional and I could not see it, I only thought my wife didn’t want me. <br /><br />My wife gave me a second chance and I am back in my family’s life now. I am seeking help through group therapy, psychologists and faith based mentors. My business that I had is being destroyed by my mismanagement, my relationships with my amily, my wife’s family and a large portion of my life I feel is being destroyed due to my relationship with the affair partner, and my relationship with my children is a lot worse then it was before all because of my actions. I feel every day is just monumentally difficult to wake up and I don’t look forward to anything beyond saying hello to my children and being with my wife. I hate myself, what I have done with my life and just do not feel good about any of my actions. I pray that something would help me to feel like I had not done any of this but I know that’s false hope. Is there any way to contact men before they get to my stage where everything is still somewhat manageable to make them realize what a huge mistake it is to do anything that would jeopardize their future and their relationships? How do I rebuild myself from this and where can I go to recover from this devastation? Where can I get help for my family that I have hurt in such a way?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-81040597202907055792019-01-03T03:49:51.848-08:002019-01-03T03:49:51.848-08:00Hi I just found your blog and really appreciate it...Hi I just found your blog and really appreciate it. I am trying to recover being a narcissist after my life was shattered due to my choices. Now all I can feel is perpetual terror and fear and everything seems extremely claustrophobic. I even have a wife who welcomed me back and three loving daughters but I fear what I have done will ruin their lives growing up with my business and life. How do narcisissts live with the damage they have done?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-9667690927005018562018-11-28T02:31:31.412-08:002018-11-28T02:31:31.412-08:00You need to find a very good trauma therapist, cou...You need to find a very good trauma therapist, counsel or to social worker. You have a negative self talk voice which needs to be examined. Don’t believe your thoughts - at your core you are worthy. ��kghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14980631694416085489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-15748656328226058872018-11-27T07:46:45.409-08:002018-11-27T07:46:45.409-08:00It is difficult to find information about being os...It is difficult to find information about being ostracised by abusive mothers so this is helpful for me. <br /><br />My mother cut me off when I confronted her about the quite horrendous childhood abuse she targeted me with then started targeting one of my young son's with (the one who was most like me, bookish, wore glasses etc). The way she had made herself into the victim would have been unbelievable if I hadn't witnessed it myself. She will never forgive me for 'upsetting her' but she can't verbalise what I actually did or she would have to deny what I accused her of (physical and emotional abuse together with covering up sexual abuse) and she knows she can't do that. <br /><br />The saddest thing is that my siblings had to choose who they were going to be loyal to (at threat of being ostracised themselves), and obviously they chose her. We were never close anyway due to the way she triangulated us but the pain has been unbearable as is the knowledge that I am truly alone and never mattered to any of them. My children have suffered in being shunned by their aunts,uncles and cousins too. The only time I ever felt truly that my kids would be better off without a mother like me after battling the kind of low self esteem that comes with being a scapegoat. It's been 5 years and I'm only just coming out the other side. Thanks so much for making me feel that I'm not the only one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-52663434614075014822018-10-17T22:53:05.158-07:002018-10-17T22:53:05.158-07:00I have read many of Peck's books. I remember ...I have read many of Peck's books. I remember he did mention infidelity & thought he felt remorseful. Don't think so anymore - disappointed to hear about how harmful he was to others & self.<br />CKAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-1270107382116010012018-10-01T16:13:59.222-07:002018-10-01T16:13:59.222-07:00Very well put! In fact, when it comes to narcissis...Very well put! In fact, when it comes to narcissists, they're more likely to use the pronoun "YOU" a lot (often accompanied by words like "always" or "never") rather than "I". Because, of course, whatever's bugging them is always everybody else's fault, according to them. :/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-53957831090779181762018-08-03T04:16:03.229-07:002018-08-03T04:16:03.229-07:00I am just coming on this years after you wrote it,...I am just coming on this years after you wrote it, but I just need to thank you. I cannot tell you how much I needed it. I could not understand why my ex suddenly went completely no contact. I actually started to wonder if it meant he was not a Narc (even though he meets all 9 of the 9 in DSM-5) This is the crazy making stuff of Narcissistic Abuse. Thank you! Thank you! You are awesome.Lisa Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02167253083823324338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-1431093434392858022018-07-19T13:06:54.351-07:002018-07-19T13:06:54.351-07:00Dear CZ,
Thanks for posting this, and for being b...Dear CZ,<br /><br />Thanks for posting this, and for being both stern and compassionate towards narcissists. I think your article is spot on. I am not diagnosed as a narcissist, but I identify with covert narcissism. I hope you don't mind me sharing my experiences.<br /><br />I can relate to the emptiness inside. When I think about how I interact with people around me, it often seems to me that I'm not really there. That fits with the absence of a true self. Sincerity is difficult, because I can't truly relate to people. When they tell me about things that happen to them, I can't muster any emotions. When something good happens, I can't be enthusiastic and when something bad happens I can't really think of anything to comfort them. <br /><br />Especially conspicious is my tendency to analyse rather than empathise. This week a coworker lost his debit card. He could not immediately put it back in his wallet. I suggested that he lost his card because what would be an automatic process was interrupted. I said this because I've lost my own debit card once in a similar way. But my reaction had nothing to do with his emotional reality. It also felt like I was subtly chastising him for his loss. This is one of my narcissistic defenses.<br /><br />I also sense the absence of a true self when people reach out to me. Not only criticism and advice (no surprise here) are difficult, but so are praise, love and help. Sometimes it feels like distrust, but it also feels like it's misdirected. The positive feelings are directed towards my true self, but since there is no true self I can't internalise it or regard it as sincere. I am not fulfilled. Metaphorically, the package is sent to the wrong address, the false self. When people praise me, I feel phoney and actually feelings of worthlessness are activated (quite the opposite of what is intended). I feel like I don't deserve it, as it is meant for a different me (the true self). In case of help the false self creates a delusion that "I" don't need help, whereas the true self would be in dire need of it.<br /><br />I've read that narcissists hate people empathising with them. Hate would be too strong a word, and indeed I would like to accept empathy from others. But the feelings of worthlessness and defectiveness seem to preclude such a thing. I feel like a wounded animal who lashes out as his caretakers try to bandage the wound. Alternatively I think of narcissists as rabid dogs, and I liken being in a relationship with a narcissist with loving a rabid dog. If your dog contracts rabies, it is still your dog and you'd love that dog. At the same time rabies makes the dog dangerous and the dog must be put down. In a similar vein, love is lost on a narcissist and the narcissist must be let go off.<br /><br />I'd like to think of my parents as good people or at least people with good intentions, but I feel they had some issues of their own. I don't want to pathologise them, but my mother seems to have some Cluster B traits and my father fits the profile of a codependent enabler. My mother is quite domineering and always thinks she knows what is best. She was always afraid something bad would happen to me as a child, and would try to stop me from exploring. She can also be scathingly critical. My father would simultaneously try to stay on her good side and to overcompensate for her criticism by bolstering my self-esteem with (excessive) praise. Both compensated for their shortcomings by overindulging me and 'buying my love' with stuff. Material generosity to compensate for emotional scarcity.<br /><br />To me it seems that parenting like this stifles the true self, because it is not truly seen and nurtured. A child's wants are indulged at the expense of a child's needs. When the needs of the true self are not met, they will be disowned. In the case of narcissism, the child not only disowns his needs but also his true self (in fact he murders it).<br /><br />Just my experience and my two cents.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-78090533984035356202018-06-10T03:37:22.278-07:002018-06-10T03:37:22.278-07:00Trump Derangement Syndrome affects the nicest peop...Trump Derangement Syndrome affects the nicest people. Including some psychiatrists, and CZ, who is usually quite a rational lady, judging from her blogs.<br /><br />It really is a THING. Most people are Never Trumpers or Ever Trumpers. He is some kind of touchstone for personal projection of fears. Or on the opposite, hopefulness. He makes people crazy, by just being himself.<br /><br />I believe President Trump will be a beloved two term president. <br /><br />It is Hillary displaying toxic narcissism. The denial, the throwing of everyone else under the bus for her loss, against a supposedly horrid person. It's the media's fault - they were never on her side she says (CNN openly admitted to doing their utmost best to support her), Obama's fault (for being a two term president), women's fault (for "doing what their husband's suggest when voting"), the polls for being too positive about her and so people didn't bother to vote because she was a shoo in, the Democratic party, for "being a mess". Oh dear, how her machinations worked against her. She had the whole establishment in her pocket, Beyonce on her stage. <br /><br />In Trump I see an imperfect man with narcissistic, healthy ego and dominance - he is a "boss man" very Alpha and highly proactive - exactly what every President needs to be. I see a great family, a demure wife, who will never be on the cover of Vogue, unlike other First Ladies, despite being an attractive former model. As Heidi said above, both Donald and Melania were the toast of the town, until he ran for President, and won. That wasn't meant to happen! <br /><br />My book recommendation is: "12 Rules For Life" by Jordan Peterson. Paulinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13682861252617074243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-91153547589609818022018-06-06T01:35:22.671-07:002018-06-06T01:35:22.671-07:00I hope you don't mind another comment this man...I hope you don't mind another comment this many years later. I don't even remember how I got to this post, a link from a link from a link of some sort, but I am glad I am here. I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said about the outrageousness of the situation and your grace in handling it. I just want you to know that you have inspired me to try again to find a support community to join. Clearly there are still good and noble people out there when all of the dust settles in the aftermath of the trouble-makers.WestOfNorthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751414131603842945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-29856543458710246062018-05-03T09:15:46.634-07:002018-05-03T09:15:46.634-07:00So true...I did not know about narcissism until I ...So true...I did not know about narcissism until I ran into one and actually invited them to my home. One of the first things they did was tell me they were always talking to another person about me ( they hardly knew me) and when I asked if they were acting as a go between between me and this other person, they smiled sweetly and said "yes". It took me back and too readily I brushed it off. Now I look back and I know I was looking into the face of a wolf right then. After a two years I experienced every form of manipulation possible I think in a 'friendship". So painful...and I always hoped it could be turned around. I always hoped there was a lamb within this person. I am away now and perhaps on some level I still hope but I know to stay away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-57023658291971801112018-04-28T03:16:19.632-07:002018-04-28T03:16:19.632-07:00Thank you! Thank you! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-76431831856800759852018-04-28T02:48:35.490-07:002018-04-28T02:48:35.490-07:00Thank you so much for all your posts! They really ...Thank you so much for all your posts! They really help give me strength to heal after being abused by my NPD ex-girlfriend. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-61947743865974851302018-03-24T20:11:15.190-07:002018-03-24T20:11:15.190-07:00What do you love about my writing, Jonathan? Surel...What do you love about my writing, Jonathan? Surely you don't see bigotry in my words! But then again, people see what they want to see and that has been one of the hardest truths for me to accept as a writer. <br /><br />Take care, <br />CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6801485432556979796.post-8336432924420869322018-03-23T04:28:29.970-07:002018-03-23T04:28:29.970-07:00I love your writing -- but feminism should die, th...I love your writing -- but feminism should die, that is-- what we have now: 3rd wave feminism. What is claims to be and what it is are completely at odds. To put it simply, 3rd wave feminism is about envy of, and the desire to appropriate a supposed dominance. It is not about equality, it is not about harmony, and it is not about understanding and empathy. It is, in fact, a narcissistic breeding chamber for the divisive cold war of men against women. <br /><br />Or, to put it another snarky way: the only time I had a great, genuine, and honest conversation with a woman was when she thought I was gay because of something she misheard. That's sad. <br /><br />As the gender that dies sooner, kills themselves in record numbers, and bases their self worth on their ability to secure resources (but has never had anyone tell them they were being "objectified" by their money), I see a serious need to flip the script and challenge anyone who declares themselves a feminist. <br /><br />To me, a feminist is simply another word for bigot. We should have only one type of goal: to be humanist. To love one another, to see each other, to understand each other, and create harmony. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09748496156990754539noreply@blogger.com