BlogDuggery Part Two: This Is Not Okay EVEN IF You're In Recovery

Reference Post: Part One of BlogDuggery

Dear dear recovery friends. As a woman who was taught to be self-effacing and to serve others while walking in the shadows, Appropriation of my work is STILL NOT Okay. I have dismissed plagiarism, understanding being my most lovable strength. I have felt compassion for people who were so stressed and frightened they copied-and-pasted in haste. People who were so disorganized from ptsd that they couldn't remember who wrote what when opening their desktop Pathology Folder. I have extended my sympathy to people who inadvertently forgot my name or lost my name or didn't copy that part of the article. However, it is time to stand up and say that intentional plagiarism needs to be stopped and when you find an obvious infraction such as the article below,  you need to "Show Up For Yourself."

When we're on a recovery journey, being of similar experiences and feelings, we will make connections at the same time other people are making the same connections. Our narcissistic relationship is unique AND it's not. You get what I mean. Our words and metaphors will be similar even though each of us is having an individual epiphany. It's not hard to imagine someone accusing YOU of stealing from THEM when in fact, you made the same connections after reading the same material and talking about the same experiences and insights. This is a good thing. It means I can write about my marriage, and other people feel like I'm writing about theirs. We are all learning together so there's room for doubt when one person professes to have had a brilliant idea before any of the other nine million readers studying narcissism. 

In this case however, my good blogging friends would like me to stop being so understanding (i.e.: Don't Be a Schmuck). They've encouraged me to make an example of intentional plagiarism. I have copied an article as it was published on an abuse website. The irony of the site being about 'abuse' is not lost on me. Nor the irony of recommending this site, Escaping Abuse, as a resource for learning about pathological women. And then I find MY words without attribution, quotation marks, or even a conciliatory link on his sidebar. That is Not Okay. Even If You're In Recovery. 

Now you can say his article is more readable than my weird yet studious article about Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign.  

Or the other article from which entire passages were culled: Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns. 

You can rationalize the plagiarism by saying there's so few sites written by men about pathological women that my little essays don't matter. Or you can tell me to keep my eye on the big picture and let it go for the sake of peace, harmony, and the wounded male ego. Those are the excuses I've used to keep writing openly. Sharing is a value of mine, a big part of my personality; but IF I value open sharing, I need to protect my work and yours too, and hers, and his, and everyone who contributes full-heartedly to our community. 

Plagiarism is NOT Okay. Even If You're In Recovery!

I am not complaining about the author reading my articles and being so overcome with shock, awe, and inspiration that he wrote his own interpretation without giving me credit. To my knowledge, my article comparing the Smear Campaign to the Distortion Campaign was one of the first on the web. In a mutually respectful world, my name would have been listed in his footnotes. That is the LEAST we can do to show our appreciation. 

For the most part, I have only included direct quotes. One afternoon is about all I could stand reading my own stuff. ha! I may have missed other quotes but that's quite enough I think, to make my point. Now you can decide for yourself: Intentional or unintentional plagiarism? 

NOTE: I am not interested in blasting this guy to smithereens, bombing him with hate mail or anything of the sort. I am interested in protecting my work and putting a stop to stealing in the name of 'recovery.' Please do not hassle this man or attack his website. That is not the way to resolve the plagiarism problem...thanks.

The following text was printed out and copied below, exactly as published on:
Escaping Abuse 

Note: I have pinked my words and included a link to my articles. 

The Smear Campaign

by Alex Cameron (and peers, lol)

When a relationship with an abuser ends, you can guarantee that it will be a messy affair. No matter if you left them, or if they left you, you can be assured that it will get worse before it gets better. As abuse is a learned behaviour, an abusive personality has developed a faulty model of behaviour from their own past. Part of that bad example is the ending of relationships, which are always explosive, drawn out and as destructive as their behaviour inside them. Either way, you will experience the “vilification” campaigns that are normal operating practice for them.

False accusations, distortion campaigns & smear campaigns are patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when an abusive or personality disordered individual tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else – usually a family member, spouse, partner, friend or colleague.

No Escape From The Inevitable

The first phase, in the aftermath, will be their attempts to re-establish control. This can be in the form of desperate cries for help, railroading their way back into your heart or affecting you emotionally enough that you will allow them back into your life.

You can be absolutely certain that you will be subjected to vicious treatment once you have extricated yourself from their harmful behaviour. Once the control cycle has reached its natural conclusion, you will be the victim of one of, if not both, several campaigns:

     The “distortion” campaign (portraying a false/misleading take to others on what happened)

     The smear campaign (deliberately making others think badly of you).

Unfortunately, it is not a case of “if”, it is a matter of WHEN. You will be forced to cope with the inevitable campaign.

Smearing Vs. Distortion

The difference between the two is that a distortion campaign is publicly misrepresenting the situation, whereas smearing is a personal attack on you designed to cause you personal loss. Both are deeply hurtful, painful, childish and extremely unhealthy. The choice of words emphasises that the campaign(s) employ lies, exaggerations, fictions, partial truths, and other reality-distortion techniques.

False accusations, distortion campaigns and smear campaigns can all be forms of “baiting”, projection or “proxy recruitment”.

Baiting is the practice of generating a provocative action or statement for the purpose of obtaining an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another person.

Projection is the act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits onto another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Proxy recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or “doing your dirty work” for you.

Both of these types of campaigns are designed to:

     Cover up her behaviour, and often shift the blame to you;

     Punish you for “harming” her in righteous outrage;

     Gain support from mutual friends and family;

     Reinforce and/or restore her “flawless” image of herself.

Deliberate Character Assassination

These incidents will often destroy a person, their integrity, identity and all that is good about them. It often takes a person years to recover from a smear campaign once they've been attacked. By definition, these campaigns are efforts that abusers take to destroy a person’s name, their integrity, and their overall reputation:

If you've told her anything in confidence, she will violate this confidence; If you've done anything illegal, she will contact the authorities and tell them about your illegal doings; If you owe anyone money, have any outstanding bad blood, have done anything wrong, she will take this and use it against you.

The intent is to destroy your reputation and thereby destroy your relationships with family and friends, employers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force you to leave the community, put you in prison, or even kill you. As with so many things involving abusers and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits.

Punishment For Hurting Her

A smear campaign is a negative campaign where she will air all of your wrongdoings, in front of as many people as possible to make you look as bad as possible. Abusers tend to be “black and white” thinkers. They can claim to love you more than anyone else, but once they switch and you become an object of their rage, they want to destroy you at any cost. They feel so terrible that they want to ruin your life and are not afraid to do whatever it takes to ruin your life, hence feeling terrible like they do. Misery loves company.

It can be a frightening, humiliating and annoying experience when you discover that you are a victim of false accusations. When dealing with abusive people, the nature of the accusations may seem clever and manipulative or may seem illogical or absurd. However the reaction is usually is the same: there is an overwhelming urge to clear your name and set the record straight.

Personality-disordered people are often driven by an intense fear of abandonment. If you start to really abandon them (as in a divorce or trial separation) they will do anything to stop it. One approach to stopping your abandonment of them is to be nice again (“hoovering”), but another approach is to make leaving them so painful through the distortion/smearing that you will stop, come back and be a good victim again.

"When you tire of the emotional whiplash, they’ll turn on the charm. “Smooch!” You may believe they are reconciling, when in fact, they are hoovering."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Sometimes, they will create situations involving the police. Once the police get there, they accuse you of some terrible thing. Of course, you’re upset anyway, and not usually in a good space to explain things calmly to the police at that point. If you are the man, many police officers will automatically assume you are at fault in any domestic incident.

Starting Wide & Early For Credibility

Distortion campaigns are often done behind the scenes against people who are or were related or emotionally close to her. She may start months or years before you are even aware of the campaign. For instance, the breakup of a relationship is often connected to a distortion campaign against a former partner.

The campaign may have started a long time before the breakup, to give her “justification” regarding what she is about to do to the target, be it kicking them out of a home, filing false domestic violence charges, running away with the children, stealing large quantities of joint money and property, or some other hostile actions. By the time you are aware of the distortions, people around her may have been hearing for a long time that you are some evil, horrible, cruel person as part of the distortion/smear campaign.

An Activity For The Whole Community

She is likely to make extreme false allegations, distortions, and varied lies to defame and harm you, her former partner, and other targets. She is also likely to involve many other people in the distortion campaign. Many are passive participants who will listen and believe her lies. Others become actively involved in spreading them further. You may find that there are dozens of people, many whom have never met him or her, who believe and repeat her lies.

A smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character, credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumours. Abusers distort facts with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as victims; seduce listeners with faked intimacy by sharing secrets; and are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact, that they convince both themselves and others that their tales are true. 

"A smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character, credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumors. Cluster B personality-types distort facts with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as victims, seduce listeners with faked intimacy by sharing secrets. AND, they are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact that they convince both themselves and others that their rumor is true." ~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns

People silence their conscience and their intuition if the claims are sufficiently tantalising. Intuition takes a back seat when ego empowers itself through the spreading of lies. So an offensive tactic of the abuser is to use smear campaigns to malign, discredit, and reduce their victims (targets) to inferior beings—to strip them of power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where abusers like them to be: Damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don’t.

"People silence their conscience and their intuition if the rumor is sufficiently tantalizing. Intuition takes a back seat when ego empowers itself through the spreading of lies. So an offensive tactic of the narcissist is to use smear campaigns to malign, discredit, and reduce targets to inferior beings---to strip them of power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where narcissists like them to be: Damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don't."~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns

This process is never accomplished by a single person though. Smear campaigns require a mob to finish the job the abuser started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peck her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity.

"This process is never accomplished by a single person, though. Smear Campaigns require a mob to finish the job the rumormonger started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peck her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

People believe what they want to believe and sometimes, they resist believing a nice person is as nice as she appears. They look for an angle, a hidden motive, and a reason to justify the hyper-vigilant feeling that everybody is out to get them. In the case of a pathological personality, other people are targeted to carry their projections rather than realising they’re initiating the distortion campaign themselves. They honestly believe their distortions are true. Abusive personalities cannot understand people being kind without having underhanded motives, simply because they suspect kindness to be a manipulative manoeuvre; since manipulation is how they do life and thus assume everyone else does likewise.

"People believe what they want to believe and sometimes, they resist believing a nice person is as nice as she appears. They look for an angle, a hidden motive, and a reason to justify the hyper-vigilant feeling that everybody is out to get ‘em. In the case of a pathological personality, other people are targeted to carry their projections rather than realizing they’re initiating the distortion campaign themselves. They honestly believe their distortions are true. Pathological personalities cannot understand people being kind without having underhanded motives. Why not? Because they suspect kindness to be a manipulative maneuver since manipulation is how they do life and thus assume everyone else does likewise." ~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns

What Lies Do Abusers Tell?

Often they revolve around false claims of partner abuse, child abuse, perverse sexual behaviours, drug and substance abuse, mental illness, and criminal conduct. They tend to pick false accusations that are difficult to disprove. Although we supposedly live in a society in which people are “innocent until proven guilty”, the reality is that is not how people are treated. This is especially the case when accusations of sexual abuse, child abuse, and spousal abuse are involved.

The victims of the distortion campaign often are treated as pariahs or even criminals, assumed to be guilty without any evidence whatsoever.

"You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

The perhaps surprising aspect of many of these defamatory statements is that they are not about you at all. Often abusers are aware at some level that they themselves are responsible for these bad behaviours. So instead of taking responsibility for their own problems, they blame them on others. This behaviour is known as “projection.”

For example, an emotionally and physically abusive woman will falsely accuse her male partner of abuse. A typical example might be a distortion such as blaming him for an incident of physical abuse. She may tell others that her boyfriend got angry at her, started yelling and screaming at her, and then slammed the door on her hand to break her finger. This might even be part of the truth. She’ll get a lot of sympathy, people will think bad things about her boyfriend, and she gains allies. That is, so long as nobody hears the full truth before they've been effectively brainwashed by her.

They are believed and seldom questioned because of their emotional intensity they exhibit while they repeat their lies.

"The pathological person is so convinced their cognitive distortions are true, that other people are eventually persuaded by their emotionally-evocative sincerity."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Abusers have trouble knowing what the truth is. This is due to a combination of problems – sometimes they may experience cognitive dissociations in which they temporarily break from reality and may honestly experience reality completely differently from any observers, even video cameras will not agree with their version of reality. Other times, it may simply be from their extensive pathological lying and avoidance of the truth. As a result, they may repeat their vilifying lies in varying inconsistent versions. The inconsistencies won’t be simply of opinions; they will be of even basic facts. They may have such trouble keeping their lies straight that they will come up with multiple versions of events, often growing in severity, over repeated lies.

Version one might be that somebody raised a hand to strike them, version two might be the somebody was holding a knife, version three might be the somebody stabbed and just missed them, and so forth. The reality might be that nothing even happened. But reality does not matter to abusers, what matters is the ability to convince other people to take their sides and to protect themselves from “threats” such as being alone and being held accountable for their actions.

While you’re getting your bearings on what just happened, the police might show up at your door. Or the armed forces.

"While you're getting your bearings on what just happened, the police might show up at your door. Or the armed forces." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Or a band of vigilantes seeking revenge because you were so vicious to mean-chick-pretending-to-be-a-victim. She has convinced the troops you’re Darth Vader, emperor of the Dark Side; maybe even persuading YOUR allies and friends that there is nothing redeemable about anything you’ve ever done. There is no ‘dusk’; no ‘dawn’ to your character…you are devoid of light like a soul-sucking soldier for Satan.

"Or a band of vigilantes seeking revenge because you were so vicious to mean-chick-pretending-to-be-a-victim. She has convinced the troops you’re Darth Vadar, emperor of the Dark Side; maybe even persuading YOUR allies and friends that there is nothing redeemable about anything you've ever done. There is no ‘dusk’; no 'dawn' to your character...you are devoid of light like a soul-sucking soldier for Satan." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends.

"You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Her accusations are convincing because SHE is convinced she is the epitome of lightness-and-truth, the victim of your darkness-and-lies. Take note of the splitting, the harsh judgments, the lack of integration for both good and bad in people, her desire to overcome evil with her empire of flying monkeys. She chants her siren call to fellow fowls, who rescue her the way they wish someone would have rescued them.

"Need I reiterate that the pathological person’s accusations are convincing because SHE is convinced she is the epitome of lightness-and-truth, the victim of your darkness-and-lies. Take note of the splitting, the harsh judgments, the lack of integration for both good and bad in people, her desire to overcome evil with her empire of flying monkeys. She chants her siren call to fellow fowls, who rescue her the way they wish someone would have rescued them." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Abusive characters defend cognitive distortions with vilifying lies, dissociations, destruction of your affiliations and bonds, accusations of mental illness, abuse, warning others about your online predation and calumny. This is easily accomplished if people perceive you as an evil authority, and the light-and-goodness-victim as a damsel in distress. This sort of thing happens frequently with women who cry abuse if public perceptions view men as strong and women as weak/vulnerable.

"Pathological characters defend cognitive distortions with vilifying lies, dissociations, destruction of your affiliations and bonds, accusations of mental illness, abuse, warning others about your online predation and calumny. This is easily accomplished if people perceive you as an evil authority, and the light-and-goodness-victim as a damsel in distress. This sort of thing happens frequently with women who cry abuse if public perceptions view men as strong and women as weak/vulnerable." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Be careful of anyone promoting victimization to garner your pity, sympathy, or trigger your rescuing tendencies. Real victims are too busy getting off the ground to think about inciting troops and capturing enemies.

"Be careful of anyone promoting victimization to garner your pity, sympathy, or trigger your rescuing tendencies. Real victims are too busy getting off the ground to think about inciting troops and capturing enemies."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign

Why Don’t People See Abusers Who Conduct Distortion Campaigns As The Liars They Are?

*Often they tell varying lies to different people who don’t “compare notes” and so don’t see what should be really obvious deception.

*Often their extreme emotional intensity makes people uncomfortable about asking questions. They tend to “just believe” because she is so intensely emotional that a casual untrained listener may fall for the lies. Untrained, uncritical listeners are particularly susceptible at being duped by their lies.

*Eventually, they may believe the lies so completely that even when confronted with evidence such as writings, photographs, recordings, 3rd party versions of events, and other evidence, they will refuse to accept that they were deluded into believing lies.

*Even many mental health care professionals will fall for the distortion campaign for a while, perhaps even a year or more. They get sucked into false sympathy and emotional alignment with the abusers rapidly. They fall for false stereotypes, such as “all men are abusers”, that abusers use to their advantage. Many mental health care providers have not kept up to date on reliable psychological research that amply documents that “men are abusers, women are victims” is not the truth. They may tend to be empathetic and take the statements of their patients at face value. Many of them also lack training in recognizing and treating personality disorders.

What Happens To People Who Are Victims Of Distortion Campaigns?

Here are some of the examples of the results:

They are alienated from their family and friends.

They lose contact with their children for months or even years.

They lose their jobs.

They spend tens of thousands of dollars or more fighting false accusations of the BP attacking them.

They have restraining orders placed upon them based upon false accusations.

They end up in prison due to false accusations.

They develop severe mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety disorders, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and others.

Some commit suicide.

Distortion campaigns can destroy people’s lives, even becoming lethal. This is particularly the case when the people around the victim do not understand how emotional abuse works. The victims of distortion campaigns need extensive support from others in order to survive such an experience without life-altering damage. Most people have trouble understanding how severe, damaging, unrelenting, and widespread these campaigns can be. And many of the victims of distortion campaigns consequently are left without effective support systems and suffer far worse damage than might have been the case if their friends and family understood they are being victimized by a female abuser.

The distortion campaign also tends to damage many people around her. Divorce situations in which the children are taught by an emotional abusive parent to hate the other parent based upon lies is very common. This is also known as “parental alienation”. Parental alienation can be so severe that it may permanently damage the relationship between the target parent and the children. It is important to keep in mind that parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse. Women or others who do this to children are child abusers.

The damage does not stop with the immediate family. It tends to spill over into all relationships around the target as the target is accused of crimes, immoral and unethical behaviours, embarrassing incidents, and so forth. Your siblings, parents, new spouse, friends, and employers may all suffer serious damage from the distortion campaign. You may be unable to function normally, have insomnia and other sleep disorders, not be able to work normal hours or focus on work, and even feel afraid to been seen in public. This may be a time during which those around you have to band together to help you in a safe setting.

However, by doing so, your support system itself may become a new target for her. It is not unusual for abusers to proceed to attack people they see as helping you. As a way to protect everybody, it may be useful to minimize knowledge that she obtains about the people around you. You and those who support you may need to become very secretive about your lives in order to protect yourselves from ever-widening and intensifying attack by her.

"Victim chicks will ALWAYS collect allies. Your friends, preferably."~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns

The only thing you can do is try and minimize the damage. 

First, don’t get caught in a situation where your actions can be misinterpreted. If you are going to get a child, take a witness with you. Don’t be with her by yourself. Don’t be with your children by yourself any more than you can help. Be with them in public places, have visitors over to your home. Don’t allow yourself to be accused of molestation or other unfounded charges simply because you don’t have witnesses. If you can enlist an exchange service to help with visitation, this can be extremely helpful. Avoiding any one on one contact with her is a good thing at this point in the relationship, and an exchange service can be very useful. Tell the exchange service what happened if your child injures herself. Don’t hide things.

If you think that your partner is abusive or personality-disordered — or even close to it — be sure to protect yourself from a potential smear campaign. Don’t tell her about anything that is potentially threatening or something that she can use in your life. In a normal relationship, you disclose anything, but emotional abusers can and will use this information against you. If you choose to be in such a relationship, you must protect yourself.

If you suspect you may be the object of a smear campaign, be sure to document everything. If you must, hire a solicitor to defend yourself as well– they will be impartial and can help you get out of trouble that you, while you are so emotionally involved in the relationship, cannot comprehend.

Article written by Alex Cameron (AND PEERS)  on his website "Escaping Abuse"

NOTE: I am not interested in blasting this guy to smithereens, bombing him with hate mail or anything of the sort. Please do not hassle this man or attack his site. That is not the way to resolve an increasing problem on the net. Thanks. Most times, I contact the site owner privately but this was so overtly in-my-face that it warranted a different approach.  

Love,

CZ