Healing Our Narcissistic Society: Ten Be's

It's easy to be overwhelmed by the journey. It's easy to feel hopeless, critical, jaded---just to name a few reactions after recognizing destructive narcissistic patterns in our society. You feel like a fear-monger warning folks about the dangers of narcissism. It's akin to being a religious fanatic standing on the riverbank shouting DSM scriptures to people paddling canoes towards Niagara Falls. You holler, "Danger, Danger! You're gonna fall!" and they give you the finger.

Hint: it's not a thumbs up.

In a society promoting narcissism as an emulative achievement: relationships are reduced to fair-weather friends; high self-esteem is disproportionate to reality; the suffering are perceived to have merited their misfortune; justice is denied victims and compassionate support withheld; neutrality masks callous indifference to suffering and injustice; preferred relationships are without demands, expectations, or commitment; and agentic values (dominance, power, uniqueness) are encouraged while debasing, even mocking communal values (caring, morality, mutuality).

We are primed to be shallow. To be fake. To be forgeries of the person we were meant to be. Self-promotion is accepted even laudable in a society thriving on individualism. If I see one more bumper sticker about "spending my  grandchildren's inheritance", I might lose it completely and flip the driver off with my finger.

Hint: it's in the middle.

Peering into the narcissistic web of which we are a part, many of us realize how subtly we've been lured towards disconnection from our true selves & from one another. We recognize the temptation to self-inflate/promote in a competitive society. Its a dog-eat-dog world, right? We've been groomed for individual consumption targeting our narcissism with advertising slogans like "You deserve a break today" and "Having it my way". Narcissism, the need to be superior, is an alienating social phenomenon, comparing ourselves to others and putting them down, to put ourselves up. With mass media promoting uber-narcissists, i.e.: celebrities (no offense to celebrities that aren't narcissists if there are any), children are discouraged from outgrowing their King Baby narcissism---Grandiose selves never meant to outlast toddlerhood.

When you understand the inevitable suffering narcissism causes individuals and society, it's easy to fall into despair. To feel as though whatever you do is futile and pointless. To even hope you can make a difference risks crushing the last smidgen of your faith in humanity. Despair, such a powerless state of being, is common when people are struggling with low self-esteem, a natural by-product of narcissistic relationships.

But we wouldn't feel good about ourselves if we didn't care about doing our part to benefit society. So to counter our despair, we can take action. We can break the spell of helplessness and create meaning in our lives by intentionally doing our part---however big or small that may be. The following ten Be's are commitments I've made to myself. Take what you need and leave the rest and if you can add to my list, don't be shy...share!

1) Volunteer. Be grateful. Be kind.

2) Be forgiving of parents who hopefully forgave theirs.

3)  Be a better parent. Let children live their own lives.

4) Be a better sibling. Honor your past. Stop fighting.

5) Be a committed friend. Listen carefully. Carry Kleenex.

6) Be true to your values and beliefs. Question your assumptions.

7) Be broad-minded; keep things in perspective. Visit a planetarium.

8) Be a gardener. Plant roses. Plant trees.

9) Be the best you can be. Do the best you can.

10) Be a hummingbird.

two minute video

"In the course of history, there comes a time when humanity is called to shift to a new level of consciousness, to reach a higher moral ground. A time when we have to shed our fear and give hope to each other." ~From  Wangari Maathai's Nobel Lecture, delivered in Oslo, 10 December 2004.

Hugs,

CZBZ