The Coronation of her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. June 1953
Case settled. I am a Domestic Overlord, exactly as suspected. My NPI score was high on 'authority' but definitely lower overall than the 17.8 average for Celebrities. It's even lower than the national average of 15.3. Looks like I need to work on my sense of superiority.
Case settled. I am a Domestic Overlord, exactly as suspected. My NPI score was high on 'authority' but definitely lower overall than the 17.8 average for Celebrities. It's even lower than the national average of 15.3. Looks like I need to work on my sense of superiority.
This is only a guess of course, but maybe 'age' is a factor in our narcissism score? Girls like me weren't raised to be vain, entitled, exhibitionistic or exploitive. We might 'err' the other direction, proving to ourselves and others that we don't deserve anything, we'd never hurt a fly and we don't even like ourselves all that much.
Considering what a beating my ego's taken in my lifetime, it's reassuring to know that when it comes to self-sufficiency and authority, I'm still the ruling monarch of...myself.
Considering what a beating my ego's taken in my lifetime, it's reassuring to know that when it comes to self-sufficiency and authority, I'm still the ruling monarch of...myself.
And in case you're wondering, I have no illusions that ruling the planet my way would make the world a better place. I don't want THAT job---I just want to live up to my own expectations as the benevolent matriarch of my domestic kingdom. Is that TOO much to ask? ha!
Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory
By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY
Authors Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young, a professor of entertainment business at the University of Southern California have studied celebrities and the general population by administering a widely used screening tool called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), which is included in The Mirror Effect.
The book advises answering the 40 questions below in a single sitting, without asking for help or clarification. It notes, "There's no such thing as a good or bad result on this test. Scoring high on the narcissism inventory, or high on any of the component categories, doesn't mean you have a disorder, or that you're a good or bad person."
Print this out or track your choices of which statements best match you — then test your friends, family, that guy at the office — anyone who's narcissism score you want to know.
1. A. I have a natural talent for influencing people.
B. I am not good at influencing people.
2. A. Modesty doesn't become me.
B. I am essentially a modest person.
B. I am not good at influencing people.
2. A. Modesty doesn't become me.
B. I am essentially a modest person.
3. A. I would do almost anything on a dare.
B. I tend to be a fairly cautious person.
4. A. When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed.
B. I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.
5. A. The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.
B. If I ruled the world it would be a better place.
6. A. I can usually talk my way out of anything.
B. I try to accept the consequences of my behavior.
7. A. I prefer to blend in with the crowd.
B. I like to be the center of attention.
8. A. I will be a success.
B. I am not too concerned about success.
9. A. I am no better or worse than most people.
B. I think I am a special person.
10. A. I am not sure if I would make a good leader.
B. I see myself as a good leader.
11. A. I am assertive.
B. I wish I were more assertive.
12. A. I like to have authority over other people.
B. I don't mind following orders.
13. A. I find it easy to manipulate people.
B. I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people.
14. A. I insist upon getting the respect that is due me.
B. I usually get the respect that I deserve.
15. A. I don't particularly like to show off my body.
B. I like to show off my body.
16. A. I can read people like a book.
B. People are sometimes hard to understand.
17. A. If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions.
B. I like to take responsibility for making decisions.
18. A. I just want to be reasonably happy.
B. I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world.
19. A. My body is nothing special.
B. I like to look at my body.
20. A. I try not to be a show off.
B. I will usually show off if I get the chance.
21. A. I always know what I am doing.
B. Sometimes I am not sure of what I am doing.
22. A. I sometimes depend on people to get things done.
B. I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done.
23. A. Sometimes I tell good stories.
B. Everybody likes to hear my stories.
24. A. I expect a great deal from other people.
B. I like to do things for other people.
25. A. I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.
B. I take my satisfactions as they come.
26. A. Compliments embarrass me.
B. I like to be complimented.
27. A. I have a strong will to power.
B. Power for its own sake doesn't interest me.
28. A. I don't care about new fads and fashions.
B. I like to start new fads and fashions.
29. A. I like to look at myself in the mirror.
B. I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror.
30. A. I really like to be the center of attention.
B. It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention.
31. A. I can live my life in any way I want to.
B. People can't always live their lives in terms of what they want.
32. A. Being an authority doesn't mean that much to me.
B. People always seem to recognize my authority.
33. A. I would prefer to be a leader.
B. It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not.
34. A. I am going to be a great person.
B. I hope I am going to be successful.
35. A. People sometimes believe what I tell them.
B. I can make anybody believe anything I want them to.
36. A. I am a born leader.
B. Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop.
37. A. I wish somebody would someday write my biography.
B. I don't like people to pry into my life for any reason.
38. A. I get upset when people don't notice how I look when I go out in public.
B. I don't mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public.
39. A. I am more capable than other people.
B. There is a lot that I can learn from other people.
40. A. I am much like everybody else.
B. I am an extraordinary person.
SCORING KEY: Assign one point for each response that matches the key.
1, 2 and 3: A
4, 5: B
6: A
7: B
8: A
9, 10: B
11, 12, 13, 14: A
15: B
16: A
17, 18, 19, 20: B
21: A
22, 23: B
24, 25: A
26: B
27: A
28: B
29, 30, 31: A
32: B
33, 34: A
35: B
36, 37, 38, 39: A
40: B
The average score for the general population is 15.3. The average score for celebrities is 17.8. Pinsky says he scored 16.
Young says it is important to consider which traits are dominant. For example, an overall score that reflects more points on vanity, entitlement, exhibitionism and exploitiveness is more cause for concern than someone who scores high on authority, self-sufficiency and superiority, he says.
The seven component traits by question:
• Authority: 1, 8, 10, 11, 12, 32, 33, 36
• Self-sufficiency: 17, 21, 22, 31, 34, 39
• Superiority: 4, 9, 26, 37, 40
• Exhibitionism: 2, 3, 7, 20, 28, 30, 38
• Exploitativeness: 6, 13, 16, 23, 35
• Vanity: 15, 19, 29
• Entitlement: 5, 14, 18, 24, 25, 27
Wanna share your score? *wink*
CZBZ
Hey CZ - well I only scored 10 - is that bad ??? LOL Most of my points came from authoritarian and self-sufficiency, with a touch of exploitiveness and superiority thrown in for good measure.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Syd
Say, are you of a 'similar' generation as myself? My guess is that younger folks will have a much higher NPI than baby boomers. Why is that?
ReplyDeleteJust guessin' but maybe boomers rebelled against our 'authoritarian' parenting when we were kids. We're probably very good citizens as a result, LOL; but may have been too permissive with our own children.
The older I've gotten, the better I understand the importance of letting our kids suffer direct consequences for their choices.
Maybe it would be interesting to take the NPI from where our heads were when WE were twenty years old.
Life has a way of reducing youthful narcissism over time. One mistake at a time...ha!
Hugs,
CZBZ
I only scored 4, but then you can kind of work out which answers will make you look like a narcissist....maybe I'm not being completely honest with myself.
ReplyDeletehere's somthing I may score big on pain in the ass for...
The picture on the top of this post is actually of Queen Elizabeth, the 'Queen Mother' died in 2001 aged 101. She was quite literally the Queen of England's mother. Yes, I know.... I am British, and anal, and onl an anal British person would care about that right?
Good post though...
Dear Meg,
ReplyDeleteI changed the title and added a link to a website displaying the same image:
http://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/England-History/TheCoronation1953.htm
That was an error on my part---thank you for correcting my mistake.
Hugs,
CZBZ
Hi CZ,
ReplyDeleteI scored a ten with a clear emphasis on 'self-sufficiency'.
I attribute this to my mom drilling into me, "You don't want to be dependent on a man for your income", meaning I needed to go to school, get a degree, etc. so I could support myself. ha!
That, and any time I depended on the exN for anything 90% of the time he wass't there. It didn't take me long to figure out who to count on...:-)
Proud
I scored a 27 with 5/5 for exploitativeness and superiority, a 5/6 with self-sufficiency,and the rest scattered about with only 1 point in entitlement.
ReplyDeleteI got a 3, and I'm 34. The age/NPI correlation isn't going to work out perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI also scored a "3". 2 points in authority and 1 in self-sufficiency. Everything else, 0. I don't know if this means that I'm incredibly well-balanced, or severely reacting to my mother's narcissism.
ReplyDeleteHummmm...I can't diagnose ya but I'll take a risk and suggest increasing your 'havingness' a little.
ReplyDeleteChildren of narcissists lack a healthy sense of entitlement and feel 'guilty' about thinking they deserve anything at all. Even air to breathe!
Being a tad below the national average might be a good thing, LOL...but not TOO far below the national average.
Children of narcissists might 'fear' being narcissistic because they've witnessed pathology up close and personal. We (meaning 'I') go to the extreme and work on finding balance only after realizing the 'limits'.
If you're empathic and compassionate and value relationships with people, there's no fear of asking for too much because you won't. You may ask for too little though and that can cause problems for us (speaking of myself) when we partner with someone who expects 'too much'.
Even in relationships, we seek a kind of balance.
The NPI is a valuable resource for 'knowing the self'. I'm only just beginning to appreciate the benefit of measuring our 'narcissism'.
It might be a good thing to talk about---how the NPI helps us find our 'weak' spots and 'vulnerabilities'?
Hugs,
CZ
Dear CZ:
ReplyDeleteThanks for answering. I'm the anonymous from above, Ms. "3". I honestly didn't think you would respond to a note left on the comments of a post from last year. WOW!!
Yeah, you're right about not asking for what we need in our relationships, and being low on the "healthy entitlement" scale.
There is value in the NPI for those of us who were raised by or somehow affected by narcissists in our lives. To me, at the moment, I think the NPI detects my reactions to my mother a lot more than my sense of self.
After all, even though I do have a clearly established personality, and am reasonably healthy, I am also prone to stuffing emotions in. It was never safe to let emotions "hang out", those were vulnerabilities... and buttons for mama to push.
Needless to say, when I was in the midst of growing up with Mommy Dearest I was too young, inexperienced and immature to phrase it that way.
Age (I'm 40), education, emotional healing with professionals, and incredible resources like your blog help me really "get" cause and effect, and begin to separate her meanness and madness from me.
This is all a recent revelation for me, though. I mean, I've spent countless hours trying desperately to understand mama, but with the wrong tools. Logic fails in the face of Narcissus.
It wasn't until this latest visit when we (my partner and I) were confronted with the perfect storm that is my mother now that time (she's 71) and being alone (papa died 3 years ago) have laid bare even more her entrenched narcissism.
And then, finally, the darned bulb just LIT! Back in the day we called it the "click", you know, when it finally "clicked" that the boss could make his own damned coffee, for example.
So it was with mama.
Right now, I'm just happy that I have finally found a way to NOT devote my mental, emotional, professional or economic resources on Mommy Dearest (No More Wire Hangers!!!!!), and spend all that time and effort on me and on what I like and value.
My hope for the future: That someday being healthy and balanced become the automatic norm, and not this thing that I accomplish with a lot of effort and conscious energy.
Can you imagine all we can accomplish when we liberate all the energy and effort we've devoted in the past to trying to please, understand, avoid, or defuse our own private narcissist?
So, I'll keep on taking the NPI, and reflecting on it as time goes by. Perhaps soon my sig will change!
Hugs,
Ms. 3
PS: Just so you know how global the internet is, I'm in Spain. Thanks for your writing. Please keep at it, I promise to keep reading.
Hi 'Ms.3' from Spain!
ReplyDeleteWhen someone posts a comment on an 'older' thread, google notifies me. That's such a cool thing to do and I want to acknowledge anyone taking the time to reply. We blog to understand ourselves but it's still participatory. If nobody's reading, we might as well get out our diary and write with a pen (or crayon, if we aren't allowed to have sharp objects). ha!
You wrote: "I am also prone to stuffing emotions in. It was never safe to let emotions "hang out"..."
OOhhh!! That is so important to recognize! There are reasons why a child has to Deny her own emotions when Narc-pareNts refuse to validate a child's reality. It's a coping mechanism and sad it is when children-of-narcissists go through life without realizing what happened to them as children. Once you see it (the Click), it makes sense and you can work with the problem.
We might have to barricade our emotions when we're around narcissistic parents but that's a CHOICE, not an automatic defense. The important thing is making the 'choice' to have firm boundaries around our feelings.
The first step out of the chaos though, is education. It's so important to understand the narcissistic personality so we can restore our sense of self and integrity. When you don't know what you're dealing with, it's like fighting Ghosts...You have to be able to SEE the NPD in order to protect yourself.
Even then, it's very painful to admit to ourselves that a narcissistic parent is incapable of true relationship with a child (or anyone). People really struggle separating themselves from the N-parent---so much pain and self-doubt and even self-recrimination for accusing a parent of having a mental disorder!
It takes time and it takes a lot of courage.
You also wrote: "...spend all that time and effort on me and on what I like and value."
What some people might not understand nor appreciate is the concerted effort it takes to even KNOW what we like and value. When your whole childhood was spent taking care of your parent's emotional needs, it's difficult to know your own needs.
I've had to dig down pretty deep to understand myself, what I value, what I like, and who I am. It seems that most people who've had similar situations are very much like myself.
The cool thing though is that the Journey to know the Self is rewarding and surprising; though most of us don't tell other people how thrilling it was to find out Who We Really Were when we were fifty years old. LOL!!!
Glad to have you here, Ms. 3. Keep me updated on your NPI results. I'm really curious about how this test can be used to see where we might need to focus our attention!
Hugs,
CZ
I was looking for some good Personality Inventory survey question and this would be the best. thanks a ton! you made my morning!
ReplyDeletePersonality Inventory Questionnaire
hey CZ I scored 27... What is that exactly??
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous July 26th,
ReplyDeleteYou scored 27?? That's pretty high on the narcissism scale. Are you looking for a new occupation? With a score like that, you might consider starring in a Reality Show. Or writing your own blog.
The NPI does not measure pathology, nor indicate a NPD.
I don't know who you are (or do i?), but you might be having trouble with intimate relationships if your partner/family/friends aren't very patient or accommodating. 27 is a high score. Younger people might have a higher score than some of us older folks who've had a few decades to work through our narcissism.
I think the answers are predictable if someone wants to control their final score. It's my understanding that students were not told they were taking a test to measure narcissism. For those of us who are aware this is a 'narcissism' test, the results can be skewed however we want them to be, ya know?
How do you feel about scoring 27?
Hugs,
CZ
Sooo I Got 21.. Does That For Sure Mean I'm A Narcissistic? I Just Wanna Make Sure I am Reading This Right.. :o
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous-21,
ReplyDeleteWell, what your score says is that you are higher than average for 'trait narcissism'. It does not mean you have a personality disorder nor pathological narcissism.
But theoretically, it would be fair to say you are narcissistic. Does that scare you?? If the average score for celebrities is lower than yours, does that concern you?
Perhaps you are young and haven't had time for life to squish the narcissism out of you...or perhaps you are as special as the test suggests. I use the NPI as a guide to areas of personality that might need more scrutiny and don't view the NPI as a measure of pathology---because it is not.
Hugs,
CZ
Wow!! Hubby and I always knew he was narcissistic, as his favorite saying from youth was "me first, me first". He scored a 37, and only missed one in each of the three categories: authority, exploitative, and entitlement. We make a great match, because he got my dose of self-esteem! Weird how opposites attract and that we are able to make it work so well considering. Just proof it you really want to make a marriage work, for the most part you can (talking about both parties--not one person).
ReplyDelete"There's a Jack for every Jill," isn't that what they say?
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure your Jack is not a pathological narcissist though, Jill. If he were, you wouldn't be saying your relationship works so well because it wouldn't. Unless you were a masochist and most people aren't.
Just because someone has high self-esteem, and might be a little arrogant, that does NOT mean they are pathological narcissists. There's a HUGE difference between your everyday average narcissist and a pathological narcissist.
Most people do not understand the difference. And that is tragic because people who have 'tried' to save their relationship, falsely BELIEVED they could make the marriage work, and ended up broken, traumatized or at worst: Dead.
I am happy to hear that your relationship works well for both of you! I hope that continues for the rest of your lives or even forever if you believe in an afterlife. I love it when two people stay committed to one another and MATURE together. It's a beautiful thing.
Hugs,
CZ
I tried to answer these questions as honest as possible. After reading the comments, I am a bit ashamed to say my score was 32. Okay. What does this mean? And how can I seek help? I grew up an only child and have trouble feeling affection for a recent sibling. Does narcissim have anyhting to do with that?
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteRemember! This test measures 'non-clinical' narcissism. In other words, it measures 'NORMAL' narcissism.
People often confuse pathological narcissism (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) with test scores from the NPI. There are other tests for measuring pathological narcissism, NOT the NPI.
Without knowing your backstory, it's hard to say whether the answers you selected on the NPI are reflective of 'unhealthy' narcissism or not!
The real question to ask yourself is how your relationships are going? You have to look at all of your relationships including work and neighbors. Unfortunately, some people are stuck in a whole family of narcissists which might make you wonder if its YOU, not them. But examine how you get along in society in general and if the same scenarios presents itself over and over again, then perhaps this NPI test can help you see which traits might be causing relationship problems.
Narcissistic people will ALWAYS have relationship problems.Not with just one person but with many. They generally leave a wake of victims in their path especially if they are pathological narcissists.
I have used the NPI to better understand myself so you may want to study more about the NPI. You can read this blog entry to better understand the seven traits measured by the NPI:
Narcissistic Traits and the NPI: http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2010/03/narcissistic-traits-and-npi.html
Hugs,
CZ
Hi there CZ,
ReplyDeleteI scored a 5 on this NPI test, but am unsure of how others scored on different categories. Did I miss something?
Also, your blog has been very, very helpful and insightful. About a week ago I've stumbled on the meaning of Narcissism, and realized that I used to share many of those traits. In a way, I feel that I still do, relating to wanting attention and affections. For the first few days I was honestly terrified of the fact that I may still be a Narcissist.
Upon further readings of Narcissism however, I'm still learning that there are many types of Narcissism. And according to your recent post, it may not even be a disorder-type Narcissism. It is still not clear to me whether or not there is something wrong with my personality, but I feel that your guide of things a Narcissist should follow helps me in many ways.
I feel I cannot accurately describe my situation, but perhaps it was my past self that, I feel, has gone through a heavy episode of a sort of Narcissism without proper knowledge of what it was that I were going through. In my situation now, I suppose I can say that I still think like the Narcissist, to an extent, but do not act like one. My beliefs have drastically changed after, I suppose, reality squeezing the Narcissism out of me in a particular episode in my life. To this day I still feel a desire for attention and affection in my life, but do not (unknowingly) manipulate people's reactions or sympathy anymore, since I'm aware that what I used to do (before I figured out it was a form of Narcissism)was bad, or I suppose that I have acknowledged my mistakes.
CZ, would you say that if I may have general Narcissistic traits, that it would still be a good idea to follow your guide to ward Narcissism?
Hi Lei,
ReplyDeleteNot everyone posts their score so no, you didn't miss anything. My score (as I recall) was close to the middle, just slightly under the norm. I realize however, that knowing the test was measuring narcissism impacted my responses. I tried to be honest and answer fairly despite knowing it was a Narcissism Test. That's one test you hope to flunk.
The thing to remember is that the NPI has been criticized for measuring both adaptive and maladaptive narcissism. You can't get a clear picture of your unhealthy narcissistic traits with the NPI. A new test is being used called the Pathological Narcissism Inventory and you can find a few articles about this test by googling PNI.
It stands to reason though that the same traits being measured on the NPI (Narcissistic Personality Inventory) will be exaggerated for someone with a narcissistic personality DISORDER. However, that's not exactly true either! The NPI measures 'grandiose' narcissism, not vulnerable, fragile, or what some define as “covert narcissism.”
“Would you say that if I may have general Narcissistic traits, that it would still be a good idea to follow your guide to ward Narcissism?”~Lei
I am intrigued by your question, Lei! I’d like to address this more extensively in a separate post. If you have other questions, please post a comment and I’ll offer my thoughts and my experiences.
p.s. Life itself will challenge our narcissism…encourage us to mature and let go of maladaptive behaviors. A crisis of some kind may release us from our ‘false self’. Then it it labeled as a ‘corrective experience’. For those with a more serious narcissistic disorder, a crisis becomes a corrosive experience exacerbating pathological narcissism.
Hugs,
CZ
I scored a 9 on this test (age 45) but could see how, ten or more years ago, I would have scored 20 or higher.
ReplyDeleteThink the reason for the low score is that I've been letting life roll through me without taking anything or myself too seriously. I spend a lot of time with my own teenage children and work with young adults- I think that has been helping me to view narcissism as perhaps a healthy part of adolescence, but something that adults need to grow out of...
Hi anonymous,
DeleteYou scored a 9? That's way under the average. Be careful. You might turn into a doormat.
j'est kiddin'
I don't know how to interpret the low scores people are reporting. if anyone reading this has links or articles about 'low scores on the NPI', please let me know. Several people have asked me about this and I can't answer their questions.
I think it's very important to let life 'flow'. To 'roll with the punches' as they say, rather than trying to control God, Earth and Universe to get whatever we want. Besides, as many have testified, getting what we want ends up being what we don't want.
Anybody remember "Monkey's Paw?"
Working with young adults can be so rewarding. Why? Because it isn't easy. ha! As we get older, our desire to find meaning and purpose in our lives seems to direct us towards younger generations. Our impact on them. That's wonderful that you are offering your support to our youth!
Re: scoring higher on the NPI
I'm sure, just like you, that my NPI score would have been higher as a young woman. Life has a way of breaking through our immature narcissism, doesn't it?
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hugs,
CZ
Mmm... Let's see. Scored a 21, with a 4 in self-sufficiency and exploitiveness, and a 5 in entitlement. So what if I want to rule the world? (Just kidding... although it would be fun... until the paperwork arrived. Maybe just a small country... What?)
ReplyDeleteI don't consider myself narcissistic (I will admit I'm pretty, and I do not dive for cover every time a mirror is introduced to the room, but then if I did that would be kind of worrying...) I think I'm just more confident in my own abilities.
I score 7 out of 40.. at age of 32.
ReplyDeleteLike others have said, it's hard to self test whether you're a narcissist when self delusion comes into play. Some of the choices felt like posts between the grand canyon (choosing between extremes, both of which are incorrect). Still, it made me think about some things about myself that I'd rather not.
ReplyDeleteI admit that I am not satisfied with my life, but I am not sure if I ever will be. I feel I deserve peace but I resist what that entails. It's scary.
Kevin R,
DeleteSelf-testing is specious to some degree, even if you aren't an official narcissist. That's because normal people are susceptible to self-enhancement. In other words, we see ourselves as being better than we actually are.
Well...in the case of those who suffer from self-esteem, that's not exactly accurate. They may see themselves as being worse than they actually are.
The point of any self-help tests listed on my blog is to inspire people to increase their self-awareness and get to know themselves in a more intimate way. These tests aren't meant to diagnose ourselves or label ourselves.
At first (and I see from your blog that you are young), you may feel overwhelmed. Especially if you grew up in a narcissistic family that prevented 'individuation'...deny your authentic/true self from developing naturally. It's one step at a time, Kevin...and remember this cliche: "Rome wasn't built in a day".
In other words, you have your entire lifetime to get to know yourself...take things as they come and don't be afraid. Fear blocks self-awareness and may even distort our perceptions. Just take heart in knowing the hero's journey has been part of our human experience long before you or I were ever born. Be fearless!
Hugs,
CZ
I'm a 61 year old male,and I only scored a 3. However you look at it, this is not a good score. I have empathy for the woman that posted about her narcissistic mother. I Always had to be good and do as I was told. Never allowed(or dared)to disagree. That was seen as disloyalty. How many times did I hear about all that she had done for me? I suppose that my mother and grandmother did not want me to be like my dad or grandad(mother's father ) they both had drinking problems and were womanizers. However,they had qualities that I might have used. neither was shy or lacked confidence. But, i've done okay. I have made a decent living and now have a good retirement started. I have two grown children who are doing very well in their jobs and personal lives. I just feel that I might have done better had I not been so accomodating to the needs of others and taken a little better care of my own needs.
ReplyDeleteSorry about missing some of the incoming comments to this post!
DeleteBalancing demands to accommodate our family's needs with our own is very tricky. We need to be doing this our entire lives because if we don't, we'll have regrets and resentments. This may lead to a lowered self-esteem and if you're like myself, reciting a pile of positive affirmations isn't going to fix that problem. We need to be compassionate with ourselves because the truth is: life isn't fair. Some people get a bum deal. Some don't. Some people grow up with relatively few troubles and others deal with trauma before they can even speak.
Wherever we are, whatever we have been through, being kind to ourselves is imperative.
Hugs anon,
CZ
Hi Anon
ReplyDelete3 is ok. If that's how you feel about things, it's a good score. Your childhood strikes a note there. Mine was similar. As for your Father and Grandfather, seems to me that they needed alcohol to build up confidence. Womanizing is pretty pathetic too, doesn't really indicate male prowess. Keeping a steady partner and family together does.
I lived with the ungrateful, shame, guilt stigmas as well, nasty little tricks.
Seems to me you're the best out of that bunch. It's a pity that we can't turn the clock back, but an innocent child can't compete with a scheming adult. Time to be selfish and enjoy it.
Hi Dave!
DeleteKeeping a steady partner and family together is most definitely a sign of strength and resilience. It's tragic when fathers miss the opportunity to be a hero in their children's eyes and instead, prefer being a hero in an other woman's eyes. I can't write enough about the devastation a narcissistic father causes his family-of-creation.
I appreciate your comment very much!
Hugs,
CZ
Scored a 25. Entitlement 6/6, Vanity 3/3, Authority 6/7, Superiority 3/5, Exploitiveness 3/5, Self-sufficiency 3/6, Exhibition 1/7
ReplyDeleteI guess this gives 13 points for "concerning" traits and 12 points for less concerning traits.
Self awareness is right. I'm going to go back to your 13 suggestions (from "Help I'm a Narcissist") and start working through them.
In my late 50s and scored well into the single digit. Was a bit confused with two of the questions concerning being "special." There's two ways to look at that one : as a worldling fixing to make ones mark, or not - or as a redeemed soul. People who belong to Christ (predestined from the foundation of the world) are "special," but not in the worldly sense. And Christ's people will likely score very low. Also, i know i am not honest with myself, because the heart (my heart) is deceitful - such that, humans are clueless to the extent. And this is why my real score has to be higher than a mere 4. i tend to be a loner due to trust issues - that belies forgiveness issues. Yep, this ol' broad's got to get going on that rocky, narrow (and oftimes, lonely) road to the eternal city.
ReplyDeleteSome 15 points ish, and high Authority, I think I have safe Narcicism, and my authority issues makes my life fun!
ReplyDeleteMy X "best buddy" is superior, exploititive and entitled as hell.
Other narcs in my life are more exploitative.
Well, geez. I scored a 7, and most of mine was in exhibitionism/vanity. I used to be a burlesque performer soooo.. that makes a lotta sense. But wow, I guess I'm on the other end of the spectrum :P.
ReplyDelete