I remember several years ago when Sandra Brown was researching pathological relationships for her book, Women Who Love Psychopaths. (Amazon link) You can also purchase her book on Sandra's site: Safe Relationships Magazine. Now she's announced a new research project exploring the traits of female partners. That's a Great idea. If we don't know how we tick, we're tragically easy to pick.
Knowing we are more trusting than some and more agreeable than others, helps us understand ourselves. Then we can spot a manipulator taking advantage of our personality traits. Less accommodating people, those who might be more suspicious than ourselves, would never put up with narcissists' shenanigans. They'd be squinting their eyes at his excuses rather than crying tears over his widdle twubbles.
Yes, putting your pain secondary to someone else's pain might be a lovely pro-social trait in a healthy relationship; but it becomes sick-and-twisted when you're partnered with a Cluster B. Pretty soon, you won't even like yourself because everything you valued about yourself has been used against you.
Contented and optimistic? Meet Mr. Perpetual Misery
Open-minded and curious? Meet Mr. Pie-in-the-Sky
Serious and contemplative? Meet Mr. Spontaneous Combustion
I didn't like it much when someone said I was gullible, just waiting to be taken advantage of by a scalawag. As if my gullibility made opportunism okay. Harumph! I finally decided it was okay to be somewhat gullible as long as you didn't hook up with a scalawag. The trick was a finding a trustworthy partner rather than becoming someone we were never meant to be. We need trusting people in this world, we adore gullible friends who bring out the best in our protective natures. As long as these folks don't hitch their star to a black hole, they'll continue lighting our world and keeping the kindness turning.
One of the challenges about "recovery" is retaining our best traits and qualities rather than hating ourselves for being vulnerable to manipulation. The sin, I say, is not in the person with the tender heart. The sin is in the person who betrays their tender heart, ruining their sense of self and safety. If you are open-minded and compassionate, stay open-minded and compassionate. If you're sensitive and generous, stay sensitive and generous. Just get smarter about who benefits from the very best that makes you YOU.
"The purpose of the research is to use the Five Factor Model of personality theory to explore the traits of women whose partners have a Cluster B Disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder) or Psychopathic Personality traits. By exploring the traits of female partners, we hope to further develop The Institutes Model of Care to assist in the recovery from these relationships of inevitable harm. Understanding the personality traits of women in these relationships can also assist women in understanding themselves to prevent moving forward in these relationships from the beginning.
Research participants must be female, between the ages of 18-70, were in a relationship with a male with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder or Psychopathic Personality and be a citizen of the United States of America. If you meet this criteria you can participate by visiting the webpage listed below to begin the online survey.
The survey will take approximately 30 minutes to complete and must be completed at one time, so please have time set aside to finish the survey. There is no compensation offered for the completion of the survey. The survey does not require you to provide any identifying information therefore the results are completely anonymous.
Our hope is to begin to open the door to more research, with a broader range of survivors, to decrease the harm caused by those with cluster b/psychopathic disorders." ~The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction
Click Here: Questionnaire Start Page