This essay isn't illustrated with a nineteenth century masterpiece, but the picture so beautifully captured the essence of my personality, I just had to share it with folks who couldn't see me behind my monitor.
If you're like me, you probably wonder what anonymous bloggers look like. As a blog-reader myself, I get a sense of someone's appearance but my imagination is the artist behind their portrait. In the interests of appeasing curiosity, this is a picture of me: a fluffy little collie with an attitude.
I'll admit to being a collie though I never thought of myself as a collie until reading the results from a personality test. I decided to go with the N’s allegations that I was a dog and find out which breed of dog I might be. Seems like I’m the loyal and trustworthy type, even if I didn't fetch sticks very reliably and I didn’t "Roll Over" on command, or "Play Dead" when my Master fed me biscuits.
I've been swamped with essay ideas ever since writing Stop The Abuse. A few good friends asked me if my blogging career had ended with that post---or maybe I was hiding under my bed? No. I'm not finished writing about narcissism but summertime is here and the livin' ain't easy...it's Hard Work. There's a lot for a farm girl to do in the summer when her grass grows faster than codependence in a bad marriage.
Which speaking of co-dependent traits, would not create abusive relationships if narcissists were capable of transforming puppy love to interdependent and mature loving kindness.
In my mind, the loyal, considerate and helpful collie sets everything in place for narcissists to have a second chance for love. But even when a collie is willing to try, the narcissist must drop his pretenses, lessen the defenses and STOP unnecessary aggression. Human beings cannot be on guard 24/7 and build intimate relationships…not even if Lassie is willing to share her dinner bowl.
I've considered the assertion that pathological narcissists partner with people who are co-dependent. Relationship books, reality TV, radio psychologists, and even self-help support groups accept the co-dependency model. I’d be denying reality to suggest people don’t react to Power & Control tactics whether they know their relationship is abusive or not. But can we get real for just a second?? Being attacked for seemingly no reason tends to bring out the worse in any one.
The question that keeps coming to my mind, is this: If people have co-dependent traits after years of relationship, were they co-dependent before meeting a narcissist who refused to rely on others, refused to trust others, and relegated everyone to last place by thinking of themselves first and foremost?
Nah, I don't think so.
It’s just that Collies and Rottweilers do not fine kennel mates make.
If you are gifted with the capacity for loyalty, trust and compassion; if you have a solid sense of justice and mercy; if you have a pleasing personality, if you treat others as you wish to be treated; if you make mistakes, realize everyone makes mistakes, and forgive the whole sorry mess of humanity for making mistakes; and if you desire intimacy because you know you’re worthy of both giving and receiving love---then you ought not partner with dogs that howl at the moon. Especially when the very moon they are trying to bark down from the sky, is lighting dark pathways at midnight.
Hamilton, Anita. What Breed of Dog Are You?