This is, BY FAR, the very best video I have seen about Borderline Personality Disorder. There are several psychology experts in this video that some of you may recognize. The woman who deeply touches my heart because of her personal struggle with BPD and her insightful work treating borderline behaviors is Dr. Marsha Linehan.
If you are new to learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you may want to familiarize yourself with Borderline Personality Disorder. Both NPD and BPD are Cluster B disorders on the Axis II in the DSM-IV. (That was more fun to write than try to understand, wasn't it??!!)
This link on my blog will explain more about Axis II disorders and the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). We also have a link to this same article on our forum: The DSM, Axis II, Cluster B.
If you liked this film, let me know. I'd love to find informative videos that aren't stigmatizing to people suffering from borderline personality. The good news today is that borderline personality disorder is considered treatable, even curable.
I pray for the day we can say the same thing about narcissism.
I pray for the day we can say the same thing about narcissism.
Hugs,
My husband had a close friend from college who we ended up living next door to 20 years later. I became friends with her. We felt like she was part of our family (she'd never married and had no children). There were some troubling Red Flags. She seemed to burn a lot of bridges and was unable to keep friends/boyfriends for any length of time. Then she turned on me like a rabid dog. It was all very distressing. Later we talked to a mutual friend, a therapist, who said this person had Borderline Personality Disorder. As I've written on my blog, I read the DSM IV at the library and realized she totally fit the diagnostic criteria. It was a revelation! If only I'd kept reading, I would have come to NPD.
ReplyDeleteHi Jan! I hope you're doing okay...please know you're in my thoughts.
DeleteIt's nice to hear from you though, so anytime you need to talk about narcissists, borderlines, or psychopaths, drop by and leave a comment. I can distract you for at least thirty minutes!
I haven't put a lot of time into studying BPD so your comment and experience is very much appreciated. Ten years ago, my interest in BPD was peaked after reading a couple of books by Joan Lachkar on the borderline-narcissist relationship. Like every good neurotic on the planet, I determined myself to have a personality disorder. BPD or NPD, either of them surely fit!
Then I read a few articles suggesting women reacted in 'borderline-ish' behavior during and after an abusive N-relatioNship. That peaked my interest but I still didn't dig into the borderline personality since complex-ptsd was a more likely diagnosis.
I have read recently, just like you wrote, that people with borderline personality split reality into either/or polarities. Such as your experience going from a friend to an enemy. Narcissists do this, too but not as quickly nor often as borderlines. That's conjecture on my part--I really don't know a lot about BPD. So perhaps an explanation for her behavior was: 'splitting'.
Everything is black or white.
A person is good or she's evil.
The evil perception is frightening and I've suffered a few such allegations because of my online work--demoted from an ideal forum manager to one of Satan's handmaidens. All in a matter of minutes, no less.
The first time is disorienting, so you attempt to sooth your accuser's fears by explaining yourself.
The second time it happens, you send three explanatory emails before admitting there is nothing a devil can say that will sooth the avenging angel.
The third time it happens you send one reply and delete incoming emails without reading them.
The fourth time you take a bubble bath, eat pizza, block your email, and thank the good Lord for your sanity.
Big hugs my friend,
CZ
This is a great video with some great information...thank you for sharing it! My husband suffers from BPD and like planetjan mentioned, it is difficult for him to keep friends. That was the first sign for me that he needed to get help. Thankful with professional help, he is able to control his symptoms. One really helpful website we came across that is great for BPD is http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-tdp. If you want I recommend checking it out.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great resource, DeberaR. Thank you so much for the link!
DeleteHugs,
CZ
I love how they speak about manipulation because I am so sick of the stigma that we are all evil manipulators. We are acting out of sheer emotion and are not "planning" how to do things in an obtrusive way, in which the speaker just said. I feel like everyone hates me because they think Im sitting there plotting to manipulate when all Im trying to do is not hurt. Its hard to manipulate people when you cant even think straight to begin with. It can come off as extremely manipulative, yes, but not intentional.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaity Stardust,
DeleteI hear what you are saying...that people with borderline personality are acting out of sheer emotion, fear, even a sense of emptiness most people cannot fathom.
Of course, each person is unique and it's hard to make generalizations about any of the personality disorders. There's enough cross-over to complicate every diagnosis. I have an X-uncle who was diagnosed with BPD and AsPD so in his case, he was intentionally manipulative and malicious.
As people educate themselves about BPD, they can challenge ignorant notions of 'evil intent' or malice.
I think for those of us who are willing to put time and energy into understanding personality disorders, we might be critical and angry at first. As time goes on and our knowledge increases, we balance a difficult stance between holding that person accountable for their behavior, while at the same time---understanding why they are acting out.
I have a tough time with this because I tend to be too understanding, bordering on 'enabling' which doesn't do me or the other person any favors.
I believe though, that education is essential and that it will lead to better and healthier relationships. Supportive family and friends can maintain relationship, IF they're willing to learn about BPD and 'work on themselves'.
That's key, isn't it? Knowing our own triggers and reactions so we don't make things worse for the person with borderline personality.
Once in a while, when I'm really overwhelmed and verbally exhausted---I might use the term 'evil.' But even after reading theoretical books on Evil, the term unsettles me. And yes...my consciousness has been raised because of the times I was called 'evil', too.
It seems that anything people don't understand is castigated as evil...so the key is to keep learning. I wish more people were open to learning about psychological disorders and mental illnesses. This knowledge has built a bridge between myself and beloved family members.
Hugs,
CZ
Aside from the family, friends, partner, or co-workers, we shouldn’t forget the victims of the disorder themselves. These people do not have control of this disorder. If you or someone you know potentially has this personality disorder, it would be best if you, or the person you know, undergo a borderline personality disorder diagnostic test. If tested positive, it’s best to proceed with the therapy, since it is the key to putting this disorder into order.
ReplyDeleteI somehow missed your comment, Russell! I remember when psychologists said they didn't want to work with BPD clients. That perception is changing because of new therapies and more accurate diagnoses.
DeleteAs you've reminded us, we shouldn't forget the victims of BPD in the same way we should remember narcissists are victims of their disorder, too. It's always a tough balance validating people who've been harmed (some egregiously so) without demonizing the person with a personality disorder. It seems like we divide up into separate categories in order to get each person back on their feet. It can get kinda hot in the kitchen while we do this work, though.
All in all, I believe most people remain empathic to the person with BPD or NPD but they have to get through their own stages of healing first. Anyway, that has been my experience.
Hugs,
CZ
Having BPD definitely isn't fun. It's even harder when there's shame around the term - so you don't tell many people - and those who you do tell have no idea how to handle it. I am learning about the cross between what can be "blamed" on "being BPD" and what one with BPD can be held accountable for as "acting out." I hear the book "Walking on Eggshells" is a good one for people dealing with others who have BPD; does anyone have any other suggestions for resources for people learning how to deal with others that have this condition?
ReplyDeleteHi Toriborealis,
DeleteI am currently spending time learning about people with BPD because the new literature and therapy is changing the way people have looked at BPD. I am incredibly impressed with the vast amount of information and support available for people with BPD and for their families, too.
I think that anyone availing themselves of information about narcissism, should also dig into BPD literature. Many of the tools I've recently learned about on BPD sites, have helped me cope with family members who may, on some level, be afflicted with this disorder.
I hope that one day, we'll have similar resources and support for people with narcissistic personalities. Contrary to what most people think, people with narcissistic personalities suffer a great deal but they aren't open to 'support' the way someone with a borderline personality might be. That seems to be one of the bigger distinctions.
I will be adding resources on my blog for managing our relationships with people who have BPD. If anyone else would like to post a comment about resources (websites, treatements, books, etc.) that you have found useful, please do that.
I'm currently reading Randi Kreger's newest book on the Borderline Personality Disorder. It's more recent than "Walking on Eggshells."
Thanks for commenting, Tori.
Hugs,
CZ