March 14, 2008


The Defender by Honore Daumier, 1862


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  1. Really interested to see what you'll say about Elliot Rodger and his 'manifesto'...

    1. I don't know if I know you, anonymous...but you must have read enough of my writings to know "misogyny" is a topic I'm unafraid to address.

      Funny but just this morning I thought it might be a good time to put my thoughts into words and write about Elliot Rodger's manifesto. Thanks for giving me a nudge.


  2. I'm trying to get some advise on how to "try" to talk to my NPD husband. We have been married for 32 years. Not long after we were married I noticed how difficult it was to actually have a normal conflict conversation with him. For instance I would try to talk to him about something that bothered me or something that he had done to hurt my feelings. After the attempt I would walk away with my head spinning feeling like I was the one that was wrong and the biggest piece of shit that ever lived. I have tried so many approaches and nothing works. I judgement (about 2years ago) discovered he's a narcissists. I had lost who I was and my self respect because of the verbal abuse and neglect. I figured out years ago that if I didn't expect anything from him we got along fine. I know in should just give up and move on. Something I should have done 31 years ago. I loved him with all of my heart but I don't feel that way anymore. I want to and marriage is supposed to be forever which is why I'm still in this messed up relationship. I'm a very outspoken straight forward person so you can imagine the fights we have. I just think if I can get some advice on how to "handle" him maybe we can both live a peaceful life together.

    1. Sorry for the typo's I should have proofed it first.

    2. Typos are perfectly fine on this blog, dear Sick-and-Tired. I'll be watching incoming replies in case you feel comfortable re-posting your original comment.

      It's always difficult to end a marriage when you are committed to someone "eternally". You meant it when you said, "I do" and since people of good conscience try to keep their word, divorce is almost out of the question! I understand where you are right now and would love to converse with you if you're still reading my blog.

      Big hugs,

  3. Hello CZBZ,
    Thank you so much for your blog! Not only am I learning more about narcissism, boundaries and a heap of other stuff, I am being entertained whilst looking at a visually beautiful page. This is a fantastic website. I now have another narcissist who has entered into my life via the workplace. I left my previous job by choice (3 years overdue) due to a narcissist boss so had already began reading more about them and bam... number two appears, this time a co worker. So in my interpretation of things I need to learn "how to deal" with these people or I will be revisited again and again with all the joys that they bring. Presently I have shut down all communication except occasional professional interaction until I decide how I want/should proceed. (following a drama she created, I think caused to her frustration regarding her lack of control of me). I am beginning to think I will just keep it at this level as I find it difficult to have a constant guard up when I am supposed to be having a relationship with much freggin work! At times I feel mean as I can see she wants to restart our "relationship" but a large part of me is saying stay where you are, this is safe.
    Anyhoose...thank you! Brilliant site, fantastic service work for all to learn and enjoy.

    1. You are so welcome, Anonymous! I'm especially grateful to know you've found my website valuable since my articles are few and far between this past year. It's wonderful knowing the time put into composing my thoughts on narcissism and relationships has benefited others (besides myself!)

      It seems like certain people end up meeting more narcissists than other people. Is that really true and if so, why might that be? I detest theories about people "attracting" narcissists because they lack healthy boundaries. Just a cursory examination of the general population would suggest that's unlikely. People of all types meet narcissists and people of all types don't. Part of the explanation has to do with our "upbringing" (how we were socialized to behave). And another part of the explanation is that some people never realize the problems they experienced in the relationship, were not 50/50. In other words, they didn't know anything about narcissism and/or personality disorders.

      And also (while I'm rambling, ha!), knowledgeable people spot varying degrees of narcissism which does not mean "personality disorder." Even a narcissistic style can impact relationships negatively. We are smart to take advantage of the opportunity to learn from professional and layperson websites. Mostly, people used to just blame themselves.

      Leaving a job is never an easy thing to do. Jobs aren't easy to get these days. But leaving might be the best answer since narcissists are notorious for harming others---especially other people's careers IF they hold power over that person. "

      And, as educated as we might be, there is just NO way to protect our safety in a narcissistic relationship. We must (perhaps for the first time ever) put ourselves first in order to protect our future. It's a fool's errand believing we can IMPACT the narcissist for the better......ask me how I know that for a fact. ha!

      Best of luck to you in your hard work learning about narcissism and also, about yourself. It's rewarding and fulfilling work...!



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