April 01, 2010

Dreams Really Do Come True!

The Wedding Morning by John Henry Frederick Bacon

What happened last night is unbelievable to me and probably for all of you, too but I simply must share the good news with my fellow bloggers and readers. I’m not sure where to start and usually that means you’re in for a very long story going back further than anybody really wants to go back, even myself though sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and start typing anyway. Somewhere in a big ball of yarn, there’s a beginning and an end. At least that’s the theory. Considering all the knitted scarves I’ve made, crocheted hats, and toilet paper cats with argyle manes, and even tissue covers nobody wants but graciously accepts anyway, I’ve never met a ball of yarn that didn’t have a beginning and an end. If the scarf you’re making is long enough for a six-foot uncle however, you may have to tie the ends of two balls of yarn together to finish the project but knots can be very neat and tidy if you’re skillful at hiding knots, that is. I can disguise a knot as well as any other neurotic on the planet. You should see the knots my nephew can tie, though. He has OCD. Sometimes you can’t even get in his room because the door handle is tried to the dresser in a beautiful maze secondary only to barn spiders.

Anyway, last night my X-husband called, apologetic and overcome with shame for having replaced me with an Annie Oakley variety who was a far better shot than myself. Though I can shoot a rifle fairly well which is something most farm girls learn to do to protect themselves from wild beasts driving pick-up trucks. My X-husband had won the lottery, can you believe that and it prompted him to think about all the years we spent together as husband and wife, making ends meet and knot very well at times. Maybe we ended up in a dream house but along the way, there were a number of abodes that left a lot to be desired. My husband and I refused to give in to financial challenges though, eventually pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps and achieving what any proud American would call success. 

So he was thinking about how he’d spend a jackpot of cash and the first person he thought of was me. His first wife. The wife who always knew he would make it one day, even when times were tough and times were tough a lot during our three-decade marriage. “When my lucky numbers came up, I thought of you”, he said, “And realized what a fool I’ve been. That you’re right, my narcissism is the problem, not your weight. My narcissism is the problem, not my crummy kids. My narcissism kept me from appreciating people who loved me enough to put up with my self-centeredness for years. The people who never said "I" was unworthy, but accused my narcissism of being unworthy of me as a man. The people like you, CZ. The people who saw me as special. Maybe not as special as I saw myself, but special enough.”

I cried with joy. This day is the day I’d dreamed about ever since our divorce, the divorce I reluctantly demanded. In my heart though, I knew he’d wake up at some point and say to himself, “MY GOD, I’ve been an idiot!”

Who am I to say "I told you so" when a wayfaring husband sees the error of his ways? I kept my lips together tighter than my knees have been the past eight years.
“I am leaving the Other Woman,” he said. “I can no longer live with myself or her. You are definitely the most wonderful, smartest, and beautiful woman that ever lived. I know that now. Looking at her face every morning makes me sick. Last week I threw up on my pillow case and it wasn't even IRONED!”


I tried not to cry, but you know how it is. 

When dreams come true, tears bless the moment as expressions of gratitude for never giving up the dream. Never saying never. Never allowing reality to interfere with imagined possibilities, even when hope is dashed repetitively with verbal abuse, terrifying rage attacks, and heartless animosity. You still carry this secret belief that at some point, the man walking away with his arms around another woman, will realize what a mistake he’s made! And now, MY moment had come. Was I willing to reconcile? Was I willing to forgive and forget and bask in the glory of love requited?
“Yes! Yes!” my heart whispered. “Tell him YES!”

And so I did.

We set the date for our re-commitment ceremony some time in June. I always loved June weddings---the intoxication of sweet narcissus filling the air. We will be remarried again this spring, at the shock and surprise of most people but not for family members who always knew, as did I, that a love such as ours could never die. It may have hibernated for eight winters (who’s counting?) but it has burst forth once again in full blossom. I’d like to invite everyone who supported my grieving the past many years, to a celebration of love springing eternal. Leave your email address and you’ll get a handwritten note, though it may be pockmarked with tears. I know you’ll understand. My tears are tears of joy. Tears of faith. Faith in the power of a woman’s love for her man.

“Where shall we spend our second honeymoon?” he asked. “We’ve seen Paris. We’ve seen London. We’ve seen Boise. Is there any place in particular you want to go? Let's follow your bliss this time.”

My thoughts were racing faster than Dad’s buckskin mare who could toss a kid in a beet field faster than short-order cooks could toss Caesar salads at Denny's customers. I murmured, “I’d like to visit Disneyland, my love. We’ve never gone to Disneyland. Now that you’ve won the lottery, maybe we can take the kids, too?”

“Oh!” He shouted. “That’s exactly what I was thinking! I was hoping you’d say that. How about your parents? Do you think they’d want to travel with us?”

“YES!” my heart shouted. “YES! And can we take Uncle Teetotaler and Aunt Chastity and Uncle JoeBob, you know his wife passed away last year and Aunt Lydia she’s 97 but she'd love Magic Mountain. Her wheelchair won't be any problem. You can push it like you did just before you left. And how about my nephew and my sisters and brother and all their spouses and kids and their kids, medications have worked wonders for most of them.”

“MY LOVE!” he cried with joy, "Nothing would please me more than the whole tribe accompanying us on our honeymoon. We can sit and talk about our ancestors for hours, just like old times!”

Who would ever believe the ending of my story would turn out like this?

Well, I did, for one.

I did.



  1. Oh my GOSH, you SO got me, I was so worried by the second paragraph that I had to scroll down to the end! I was so RELIEVED to get your joke, I swear I couldn't bear the anxiety reading it as though it were really happening! NOOOOO, CZ don't fall for it!! hahaha, you really got me.

    Good one!

    And once I could soothe myself knowing it was your prank, it was a brilliant piece to read.


  2. Hahahahaha!!! Wow! An April Fool's trick that actually worked! Thank you, Upsi! ha!

    Sorry to raise your anxiety level there, though!

    It was mighty darn fun to write, I'll tell ya that! All I had to do was put my Magical Thinking into words. Easiest post I've ever written. ha!


  3. Ok. So I'm readin this thinking, OMG, I've got to support CZ. I love her and how do I support her without going, What the......!!!!!! are you nutz!!!! once a rat baztard, always a rat baztard.... CZ wake up! wake up!

    and then..... I discovered it was you pulling the wool over our eyes, not the other way around!!!!

    good one CZ.

    You got me. Just for a moment.

    but I really knew you were too smart to be taken in by a wolf in sheep's clothing trying to pull the wool over your eyes!



  4. That was quite a ‘yarn’ wasn’t it? LOL

    Well, it's been eight years, Louise. It's probably time to stop hoping a man will validate my worth by coming home. Funny how hard it is to accept being rejected when we know we're halfway decent human beings.

    If I were a jerk, it might be easier to understand why a guy would leave.

    But when you aren't a jerk, when most people like you and you like yourself mostly, you keep looking for a reason WHY. What is it about ME that was so awful someone had to find another partner?

    It may take years to restore our self-esteem and sense of worth after betrayal and infidelity. The first thing we have to do is to confront the magical fantasy that every love story has a happy ending.

    Maybe a good exercise for people is to write out the perfect love story, put your fantasies and magical thinking into words and get it out of your head and onto paper where you can honestly and sincerely laugh at your thoughts.

    Thoughts can delay recovery if we deny their existence.

    Though I don’t know for certain, my guess (because I’m a typical woman of a certain age) is that most ‘rejected’ women have similar fantasies. We want our X’s to leave the Other Woman, if only so we can tell him we’ve moved on and hope OUR rejection makes him feel just as terrible as we felt.

    Some of us though, hope for a happy ending in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Ha!


  5. When I read this I was so disturbed that I wanted to skip to the end where I knew you would eventually have come to your senses. Then I started to ask myself what will you write about now? I figured if you didn't understand what you had been writing about all this time your readers are doomed. Anyway thanks for the reality check and especially your writing which I look for each day and if there is nothing new I read the archives!
    Great Job!

  6. "Last week I threw up on my pillow case and it wasn't even IRONED!” "OH, YOU POOR DARLING!" I cried. I tried not to cry, but you know how it is. "

    "Her wheelchair won't be any problem. You can push it like you did just before you left."

    This was hilarious:):)Hahahahahaha.....:)

  7. Ha! I was reading this an thinking "I sure hope this is an April Fools joke!" Good story :)

  8. As soon as you mentioned the jackpot, I thought it was probably a joke, since the word "share" is not in the dictioNary.

    LOL Uncle Teetotaler and Auntie in the wheelchair, repellaNt for sure.

    Nice bit of comic relief!

  9. Oh, you ... you really got me going for the first few paragraphs. Good job!

  10. What a relief!
    All the while i am reading, I am thinking....please tell me this is a joke.

  11. rotf, but you had me ....stupid, gullible me....for many paragraphs...

    LOL!@ You ARE the cat's meow.

    Lady Nyo....loved the wheelchair and vomit.

  12. ha!! Isn't it kinda fun to go back and see what you wrote a while ago? (sometimes its fun. Most times its not.)

    Glad you got a kick out of it. I musta been in sum kind of mood that day, eh?

    Actually, it's good idea to write out your fantasy...acknowledge it. Put it in words. Laugh endlessly.


  13. I know this dream too. And when I wake up and must somehow cope with my N-to-the-X (2B) husband's latest assault, I cry. Take a long enough nap on the N-field of dreams and you will be plowed (over).

    Learning the hard way N's have no mercy (or memory for women who love him).

  14. I am so NOT well as I thought. I actually fantasized that my "N" would return in the just the manner you have written. .....

    I have got to watch that....oh one thing though my dream ends with me closing the door in his face...in much the way Olivia DeHaviland closed the door on her "N" in "The Heiress" close the door on Montgomery Cliff really.... no she didn't answer the door.....when I was a young girl the ending caught me by surprise
    and I didn't rasp her unforgiveness....I do now.

    1. After reading your commnent, DeBorah, I watched "The Heiress" again. That would be a great film to feature on the WoN Cinema. Thanks for reminding me of this film!

      I had plenty of romantic fantasies about my X-husbaNd returning, chagrined and love-sick. ha! That's how I knew to write something like this fantasy. I had fantasies like that, too.

      Staying grounded in reality was a challenge (still is sometimes, ha!) and thank goodness my cyber-buddies protected me from myself. They wouldn't let me forget the mean and horrible things that happened when he left...I still have a hard time wrapping my head around his intentional cruelty to a woman whose worse sin was loving him. Ya know?

      Stay strong! If you start feeling like emailing him or writing or calling---make a list of all the CRUEL things that happened during your relationship and focus on that instead of the 'tender' feelings!


  15. I love this post! I scrolled up to the top and checked the date, but only saw the year, so I didn't catch the April fools part. I kept thinking wait, CZ went back to him in 2010!? How could I not have known, I asked myself. Whew! This is one time I'm glad to be fooled!

    Your idea to write out the fantasy is a good one. I have thought of doing that with my family. I imagine writing a book with one page the way it really is and the next the way I wish it was. Maybe I'll give it a shot ;)

    Big Hugs to you CZ!

    1. hehehehehe....sprouting my li'l devil horns here. Looks like that was a successful April Fool's joke, wasn't it?!

      Thanks for commenting on my story---I forget even writing some of this stuff but there's my name at the top of the post so it must have been me. ha!

      Your book idea sounds awesome and very very healing. We don't even realize we have these pictures in our heads of how people/family are SUPPOSED to be to make us happy. When we make our fantasies 'real' (such as my story), it is sooooooo liberating! Because we laugh at the contradictions between reality and fantasy.

      Give your book a shot and when you're finished, tell me. I wanna read it!

      Big hugs back!


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