June 20, 2013

BlogDuggery Part Two: This Is Not Okay EVEN IF You're In Recovery

Reference Post: Part One of BlogDuggery

Dear dear recovery friends. As a woman who was taught to be self-effacing and to serve others while walking in the shadows, Appropriation of my work is STILL NOT Okay. I have dismissed plagiarism, understanding being my most lovable strength. I have felt compassion for people who were so stressed and frightened they copied-and-pasted in haste. People who were so disorganized from ptsd that they couldn't remember who wrote what when opening their desktop Pathology Folder. I have extended my sympathy to people who inadvertently forgot my name or lost my name or didn't copy that part of the article. However, it is time to stand up and say that intentional plagiarism needs to be stopped and when you find an obvious infraction such as the article below,  you need to "Show Up For Yourself."

When we're on a recovery journey, being of similar experiences and feelings, we will make connections at the same time other people are making the same connections. Our narcissistic relationship is unique AND it's not. You get what I mean. Our words and metaphors will be similar even though each of us is having an individual epiphany. It's not hard to imagine someone accusing YOU of stealing from THEM when in fact, you made the same connections after reading the same material and talking about the same experiences and insights. This is a good thing. It means I can write about my marriage, and other people feel like I'm writing about theirs. We are all learning together so there's room for doubt when one person professes to have had a brilliant idea before any of the other nine million readers studying narcissism. 

In this case however, my good blogging friends would like me to stop being so understanding (i.e.: Don't Be a Schmuck). They've encouraged me to make an example of intentional plagiarism. I have copied an article as it was published on an abuse website. The irony of the site being about 'abuse' is not lost on me. Nor the irony of recommending this site, Escaping Abuse, as a resource for learning about pathological women. And then I find MY words without attribution, quotation marks, or even a conciliatory link on his sidebar. That is Not Okay. Even If You're In Recovery. 

Now you can say his article is more readable than my weird yet studious article about Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign.  

Or the other article from which entire passages were culled: Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns. 

You can rationalize the plagiarism by saying there's so few sites written by men about pathological women that my little essays don't matter. Or you can tell me to keep my eye on the big picture and let it go for the sake of peace, harmony, and the wounded male ego. Those are the excuses I've used to keep writing openly. Sharing is a value of mine, a big part of my personality; but IF I value open sharing, I need to protect my work and yours too, and hers, and his, and everyone who contributes full-heartedly to our community. 

Plagiarism is NOT Okay. Even If You're In Recovery!

I am not complaining about the author reading my articles and being so overcome with shock, awe, and inspiration that he wrote his own interpretation without giving me credit. To my knowledge, my article comparing the Smear Campaign to the Distortion Campaign was one of the first on the web. In a mutually respectful world, my name would have been listed in his footnotes. That is the LEAST we can do to show our appreciation. 

For the most part, I have only included direct quotes. One afternoon is about all I could stand reading my own stuff. ha! I may have missed other quotes but that's quite enough I think, to make my point. Now you can decide for yourself: Intentional or unintentional plagiarism? 

NOTE: I am not interested in blasting this guy to smithereens, bombing him with hate mail or anything of the sort. I am interested in protecting my work and putting a stop to stealing in the name of 'recovery.' Please do not hassle this man or attack his website. That is not the way to resolve the plagiarism problem...thanks.

The following text was printed out and copied below, exactly as published on:
Escaping Abuse 

Note: I have pinked my words and included a link to my articles. 

by Alex Cameron (and peers, lol)

When a relationship with an abuser ends, you can guarantee that it will be a messy affair. No matter if you left them, or if they left you, you can be assured that it will get worse before it gets better. As abuse is a learned behaviour, an abusive personality has developed a faulty model of behaviour from their own past. Part of that bad example is the ending of relationships, which are always explosive, drawn out and as destructive as their behaviour inside them. Either way, you will experience the “vilification” campaigns that are normal operating practice for them.

False accusations, distortion campaigns & smear campaigns are patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when an abusive or personality disordered individual tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else – usually a family member, spouse, partner, friend or colleague.

No Escape From The Inevitable

The first phase, in the aftermath, will be their attempts to re-establish control. This can be in the form of desperate cries for help, railroading their way back into your heart or affecting you emotionally enough that you will allow them back into your life.

You can be absolutely certain that you will be subjected to vicious treatment once you have extricated yourself from their harmful behaviour. Once the control cycle has reached its natural conclusion, you will be the victim of one of, if not both, several campaigns:

     The “distortion” campaign (portraying a false/misleading take to others on what happened)

     The smear campaign (deliberately making others think badly of you).

Unfortunately, it is not a case of “if”, it is a matter of WHEN. You will be forced to cope with the inevitable campaign.

Smearing Vs. Distortion

The difference between the two is that a distortion campaign is publicly misrepresenting the situation, whereas smearing is a personal attack on you designed to cause you personal loss. Both are deeply hurtful, painful, childish and extremely unhealthy. The choice of words emphasises that the campaign(s) employ lies, exaggerations, fictions, partial truths, and other reality-distortion techniques.

False accusations, distortion campaigns and smear campaigns can all be forms of “baiting”, projection or “proxy recruitment”.

Baiting is the practice of generating a provocative action or statement for the purpose of obtaining an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another person.

Projection is the act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits onto another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Proxy recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or “doing your dirty work” for you.

Both of these types of campaigns are designed to:

     Cover up her behaviour, and often shift the blame to you;
     Punish you for “harming” her in righteous outrage;
     Gain support from mutual friends and family;
     Reinforce and/or restore her “flawless” image of herself.

Deliberate Character Assassination

These incidents will often destroy a person, their integrity, identity and all that is good about them. It often takes a person years to recover from a smear campaign once they've been attacked. By definition, these campaigns are efforts that abusers take to destroy a person’s name, their integrity, and their overall reputation:

If you've told her anything in confidence, she will violate this confidence; If you've done anything illegal, she will contact the authorities and tell them about your illegal doings; If you owe anyone money, have any outstanding bad blood, have done anything wrong, she will take this and use it against you.

The intent is to destroy your reputation and thereby destroy your relationships with family and friends, employers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force you to leave the community, put you in prison, or even kill you. As with so many things involving abusers and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits.

Punishment For Hurting Her

A smear campaign is a negative campaign where she will air all of your wrongdoings, in front of as many people as possible to make you look as bad as possible. Abusers tend to be “black and white” thinkers. They can claim to love you more than anyone else, but once they switch and you become an object of their rage, they want to destroy you at any cost. They feel so terrible that they want to ruin your life and are not afraid to do whatever it takes to ruin your life, hence feeling terrible like they do. Misery loves company.

It can be a frightening, humiliating and annoying experience when you discover that you are a victim of false accusations. When dealing with abusive people, the nature of the accusations may seem clever and manipulative or may seem illogical or absurd. However the reaction is usually is the same: there is an overwhelming urge to clear your name and set the record straight.

Personality-disordered people are often driven by an intense fear of abandonment. If you start to really abandon them (as in a divorce or trial separation) they will do anything to stop it. One approach to stopping your abandonment of them is to be nice again (“hoovering”), but another approach is to make leaving them so painful through the distortion/smearing that you will stop, come back and be a good victim again.
"When you tire of the emotional whiplash, they’ll turn on the charm. “Smooch!” You may believe they are reconciling, when in fact, they are hoovering."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Sometimes, they will create situations involving the police. Once the police get there, they accuse you of some terrible thing. Of course, you’re upset anyway, and not usually in a good space to explain things calmly to the police at that point. If you are the man, many police officers will automatically assume you are at fault in any domestic incident.

Starting Wide & Early For Credibility

Distortion campaigns are often done behind the scenes against people who are or were related or emotionally close to her. She may start months or years before you are even aware of the campaign. For instance, the breakup of a relationship is often connected to a distortion campaign against a former partner.

The campaign may have started a long time before the breakup, to give her “justification” regarding what she is about to do to the target, be it kicking them out of a home, filing false domestic violence charges, running away with the children, stealing large quantities of joint money and property, or some other hostile actions. By the time you are aware of the distortions, people around her may have been hearing for a long time that you are some evil, horrible, cruel person as part of the distortion/smear campaign.

An Activity For The Whole Community

She is likely to make extreme false allegations, distortions, and varied lies to defame and harm you, her former partner, and other targets. She is also likely to involve many other people in the distortion campaign. Many are passive participants who will listen and believe her lies. Others become actively involved in spreading them further. You may find that there are dozens of people, many whom have never met him or her, who believe and repeat her lies.

A smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character, credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumours. Abusers distort facts with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as victims; seduce listeners with faked intimacy by sharing secrets; and are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact, that they convince both themselves and others that their tales are true. 
"A smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character, credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumors. Cluster B personality-types distort facts with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as victims, seduce listeners with faked intimacy by sharing secrets. AND, they are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact that they convince both themselves and others that their rumor is true." ~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns
People silence their conscience and their intuition if the claims are sufficiently tantalising. Intuition takes a back seat when ego empowers itself through the spreading of lies. So an offensive tactic of the abuser is to use smear campaigns to malign, discredit, and reduce their victims (targets) to inferior beings—to strip them of power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where abusers like them to be: Damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don’t.
"People silence their conscience and their intuition if the rumor is sufficiently tantalizing. Intuition takes a back seat when ego empowers itself through the spreading of lies. So an offensive tactic of the narcissist is to use smear campaigns to malign, discredit, and reduce targets to inferior beings---to strip them of power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where narcissists like them to be: Damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don't."~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns
This process is never accomplished by a single person though. Smear campaigns require a mob to finish the job the abuser started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peck her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity.
"This process is never accomplished by a single person, though. Smear Campaigns require a mob to finish the job the rumormonger started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peck her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
People believe what they want to believe and sometimes, they resist believing a nice person is as nice as she appears. They look for an angle, a hidden motive, and a reason to justify the hyper-vigilant feeling that everybody is out to get them. In the case of a pathological personality, other people are targeted to carry their projections rather than realising they’re initiating the distortion campaign themselves. They honestly believe their distortions are true. Abusive personalities cannot understand people being kind without having underhanded motives, simply because they suspect kindness to be a manipulative manoeuvre; since manipulation is how they do life and thus assume everyone else does likewise.
"People believe what they want to believe and sometimes, they resist believing a nice person is as nice as she appears. They look for an angle, a hidden motive, and a reason to justify the hyper-vigilant feeling that everybody is out to get ‘em. In the case of a pathological personality, other people are targeted to carry their projections rather than realizing they’re initiating the distortion campaign themselves. They honestly believe their distortions are true. Pathological personalities cannot understand people being kind without having underhanded motives. Why not? Because they suspect kindness to be a manipulative maneuver since manipulation is how they do life and thus assume everyone else does likewise." ~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns
What Lies Do Abusers Tell?

Often they revolve around false claims of partner abuse, child abuse, perverse sexual behaviours, drug and substance abuse, mental illness, and criminal conduct. They tend to pick false accusations that are difficult to disprove. Although we supposedly live in a society in which people are “innocent until proven guilty”, the reality is that is not how people are treated. This is especially the case when accusations of sexual abuse, child abuse, and spousal abuse are involved.

The victims of the distortion campaign often are treated as pariahs or even criminals, assumed to be guilty without any evidence whatsoever.
"You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
The perhaps surprising aspect of many of these defamatory statements is that they are not about you at all. Often abusers are aware at some level that they themselves are responsible for these bad behaviours. So instead of taking responsibility for their own problems, they blame them on others. This behaviour is known as “projection.”

For example, an emotionally and physically abusive woman will falsely accuse her male partner of abuse. A typical example might be a distortion such as blaming him for an incident of physical abuse. She may tell others that her boyfriend got angry at her, started yelling and screaming at her, and then slammed the door on her hand to break her finger. This might even be part of the truth. She’ll get a lot of sympathy, people will think bad things about her boyfriend, and she gains allies. That is, so long as nobody hears the full truth before they've been effectively brainwashed by her.

They are believed and seldom questioned because of their emotional intensity they exhibit while they repeat their lies.
"The pathological person is so convinced their cognitive distortions are true, that other people are eventually persuaded by their emotionally-evocative sincerity."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Abusers have trouble knowing what the truth is. This is due to a combination of problems – sometimes they may experience cognitive dissociations in which they temporarily break from reality and may honestly experience reality completely differently from any observers, even video cameras will not agree with their version of reality. Other times, it may simply be from their extensive pathological lying and avoidance of the truth. As a result, they may repeat their vilifying lies in varying inconsistent versions. The inconsistencies won’t be simply of opinions; they will be of even basic facts. They may have such trouble keeping their lies straight that they will come up with multiple versions of events, often growing in severity, over repeated lies.

Version one might be that somebody raised a hand to strike them, version two might be the somebody was holding a knife, version three might be the somebody stabbed and just missed them, and so forth. The reality might be that nothing even happened. But reality does not matter to abusers, what matters is the ability to convince other people to take their sides and to protect themselves from “threats” such as being alone and being held accountable for their actions.

While you’re getting your bearings on what just happened, the police might show up at your door. Or the armed forces.
"While you're getting your bearings on what just happened, the police might show up at your door. Or the armed forces." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Or a band of vigilantes seeking revenge because you were so vicious to mean-chick-pretending-to-be-a-victim. She has convinced the troops you’re Darth Vader, emperor of the Dark Side; maybe even persuading YOUR allies and friends that there is nothing redeemable about anything you’ve ever done. There is no ‘dusk’; no ‘dawn’ to your character…you are devoid of light like a soul-sucking soldier for Satan.
"Or a band of vigilantes seeking revenge because you were so vicious to mean-chick-pretending-to-be-a-victim. She has convinced the troops you’re Darth Vadar, emperor of the Dark Side; maybe even persuading YOUR allies and friends that there is nothing redeemable about anything you've ever done. There is no ‘dusk’; no 'dawn' to your character...you are devoid of light like a soul-sucking soldier for Satan." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends.
"You will be treated like a pariah without any credible evidence whatsoever. Even by your so-called friends." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Her accusations are convincing because SHE is convinced she is the epitome of lightness-and-truth, the victim of your darkness-and-lies. Take note of the splitting, the harsh judgments, the lack of integration for both good and bad in people, her desire to overcome evil with her empire of flying monkeys. She chants her siren call to fellow fowls, who rescue her the way they wish someone would have rescued them.
"Need I reiterate that the pathological person’s accusations are convincing because SHE is convinced she is the epitome of lightness-and-truth, the victim of your darkness-and-lies. Take note of the splitting, the harsh judgments, the lack of integration for both good and bad in people, her desire to overcome evil with her empire of flying monkeys. She chants her siren call to fellow fowls, who rescue her the way they wish someone would have rescued them." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Abusive characters defend cognitive distortions with vilifying lies, dissociations, destruction of your affiliations and bonds, accusations of mental illness, abuse, warning others about your online predation and calumny. This is easily accomplished if people perceive you as an evil authority, and the light-and-goodness-victim as a damsel in distress. This sort of thing happens frequently with women who cry abuse if public perceptions view men as strong and women as weak/vulnerable.
"Pathological characters defend cognitive distortions with vilifying lies, dissociations, destruction of your affiliations and bonds, accusations of mental illness, abuse, warning others about your online predation and calumny. This is easily accomplished if people perceive you as an evil authority, and the light-and-goodness-victim as a damsel in distress. This sort of thing happens frequently with women who cry abuse if public perceptions view men as strong and women as weak/vulnerable." ~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Be careful of anyone promoting victimization to garner your pity, sympathy, or trigger your rescuing tendencies. Real victims are too busy getting off the ground to think about inciting troops and capturing enemies.
"Be careful of anyone promoting victimization to garner your pity, sympathy, or trigger your rescuing tendencies. Real victims are too busy getting off the ground to think about inciting troops and capturing enemies."~Chickens in Oz: The Distortion Campaign
Why Don’t People See Abusers Who Conduct Distortion Campaigns As The Liars They Are?

*Often they tell varying lies to different people who don’t “compare notes” and so don’t see what should be really obvious deception.

*Often their extreme emotional intensity makes people uncomfortable about asking questions. They tend to “just believe” because she is so intensely emotional that a casual untrained listener may fall for the lies. Untrained, uncritical listeners are particularly susceptible at being duped by their lies.

*Eventually, they may believe the lies so completely that even when confronted with evidence such as writings, photographs, recordings, 3rd party versions of events, and other evidence, they will refuse to accept that they were deluded into believing lies.

*Even many mental health care professionals will fall for the distortion campaign for a while, perhaps even a year or more. They get sucked into false sympathy and emotional alignment with the abusers rapidly. They fall for false stereotypes, such as “all men are abusers”, that abusers use to their advantage. Many mental health care providers have not kept up to date on reliable psychological research that amply documents that “men are abusers, women are victims” is not the truth. They may tend to be empathetic and take the statements of their patients at face value. Many of them also lack training in recognizing and treating personality disorders.

What Happens To People Who Are Victims Of Distortion Campaigns?

Here are some of the examples of the results:

They are alienated from their family and friends.
They lose contact with their children for months or even years.
They lose their jobs.
They spend tens of thousands of dollars or more fighting false accusations of the BP attacking them.
They have restraining orders placed upon them based upon false accusations.
They end up in prison due to false accusations.
They develop severe mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety disorders, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and others.
Some commit suicide.

Distortion campaigns can destroy people’s lives, even becoming lethal. This is particularly the case when the people around the victim do not understand how emotional abuse works. The victims of distortion campaigns need extensive support from others in order to survive such an experience without life-altering damage. Most people have trouble understanding how severe, damaging, unrelenting, and widespread these campaigns can be. And many of the victims of distortion campaigns consequently are left without effective support systems and suffer far worse damage than might have been the case if their friends and family understood they are being victimized by a female abuser.

The distortion campaign also tends to damage many people around her. Divorce situations in which the children are taught by an emotional abusive parent to hate the other parent based upon lies is very common. This is also known as “parental alienation”. Parental alienation can be so severe that it may permanently damage the relationship between the target parent and the children. It is important to keep in mind that parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse. Women or others who do this to children are child abusers.

The damage does not stop with the immediate family. It tends to spill over into all relationships around the target as the target is accused of crimes, immoral and unethical behaviours, embarrassing incidents, and so forth. Your siblings, parents, new spouse, friends, and employers may all suffer serious damage from the distortion campaign. You may be unable to function normally, have insomnia and other sleep disorders, not be able to work normal hours or focus on work, and even feel afraid to been seen in public. This may be a time during which those around you have to band together to help you in a safe setting.

However, by doing so, your support system itself may become a new target for her. It is not unusual for abusers to proceed to attack people they see as helping you. As a way to protect everybody, it may be useful to minimize knowledge that she obtains about the people around you. You and those who support you may need to become very secretive about your lives in order to protect yourselves from ever-widening and intensifying attack by her.
"Victim chicks will ALWAYS collect allies. Your friends, preferably."~Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns
The only thing you can do is try and minimize the damage. 

First, don’t get caught in a situation where your actions can be misinterpreted. If you are going to get a child, take a witness with you. Don’t be with her by yourself. Don’t be with your children by yourself any more than you can help. Be with them in public places, have visitors over to your home. Don’t allow yourself to be accused of molestation or other unfounded charges simply because you don’t have witnesses. If you can enlist an exchange service to help with visitation, this can be extremely helpful. Avoiding any one on one contact with her is a good thing at this point in the relationship, and an exchange service can be very useful. Tell the exchange service what happened if your child injures herself. Don’t hide things.

If you think that your partner is abusive or personality-disordered — or even close to it — be sure to protect yourself from a potential smear campaign. Don’t tell her about anything that is potentially threatening or something that she can use in your life. In a normal relationship, you disclose anything, but emotional abusers can and will use this information against you. If you choose to be in such a relationship, you must protect yourself.

If you suspect you may be the object of a smear campaign, be sure to document everything. If you must, hire a solicitor to defend yourself as well– they will be impartial and can help you get out of trouble that you, while you are so emotionally involved in the relationship, cannot comprehend.

Article written by Alex Cameron (AND PEERS)  on his website "Escaping Abuse"

NOTE: I am not interested in blasting this guy to smithereens, bombing him with hate mail or anything of the sort. Please do not hassle this man or attack his site. That is not the way to resolve an increasing problem on the net. Thanks. Most times, I contact the site owner privately but this was so overtly in-my-face that it warranted a different approach.  



  1. As an example (just 'cuz I love sharing so much) this is the email I sent Alex Cameron today---right after posting this article.

    Dear Alex Cameron,

    My name is CZBZ and I manage a forum called The Web of Narcissism. I also write a blog titled, “The Narcissistic Continuum”.

    One of your articles titled "The Smear Campaign" was recently brought to my attention. Within your article are numerous direct passages from my work, "Chickens in Oz"and "Gossip, Rumors and Smear Campaigns." There is no doubt you have read (and appreciated) my articles since entire passages of your article were taken from my blog.

    Plagiarism has become a serious problem on the Internet, especially in the Recovery Community. I’m hoping you will correct this problem immediately.

    Thank you,

    1. Have you had a reply yet? It doesn't seem to be a lot of activity on his site. The most recent comments are from 7 months ago and he never replied to them. Also when you click on his twitter link it says that the page doesn't exist.


    2. Morning Kara, and CZ. I think this is an admirably mild admonishment to him, frankly, and I think your reproduction of his plagiarism, embedded in "his" post, makes it starkly clear that he simply cut and pasted many passages. How kind you were not to mention that he's plagiarized from articles in Psychology Today, as well as other writer's blogposts. In fact, his "website" seems to be a collage of other people's words, cut and pasted, in order to make himself look like some kind of self-help guru for men. How convenient for him not to have to do the actual HARD WORK of writing himself. How thoughtful of him to steal the particularity of your experiences, right down to life in the chicken coop, in order to make himself seem like a seasoned veteran. What a great, god-loving shining role model he is. Of everything NOT to do when you start your own blog. Oh, in case the irony is missed here: I mean, Mr. Cameron, that CZBZ has been exceptionally KIND to you in her wording here. Her friends have discovered all kinds of other thefts of intellectual property elsewhere on your blog. You should consider this a blessing, as it gives you time to do the right thing. You are truly lucky that CZ has the huge heart that she has. CS

    3. Hi Kara! No, I've not heard back from him which isn't a surprise really. People put up websites during their "crisis" and "abandon" their sites when they're feeling better. That's part of the problem.

      Because I also read a psychologist's tribute to Mr. Cameron's "great work on the web", I felt even more compelled to say, "Hey Dude! You didn't WRITE THAT!"

      And having an essay as distinctly odd as "Chickens in Oz" makes it easier for readers to recognize MY words even if he claims to have written those passages first. Um...I don't think so! ha!

      Will he respond to my email? I'll bet ya NOT. Maybe he'll shock all of us and "Step Up, Own Up, Fess Up, and apologize." That would be a Growth Experience for him, now wouldn't it?

      Hugs back,

    4. Hi CS! You tell it again, my friend!

      As you mentioned to me before, it doesn't matter if someone is clinically depressed, a narcissist, a codependent or whatever label we put on their psyche. The rules of life apply to one-and-all.

      We cannot excuse Cameron's Patchwork Plagiarism as unintentional (OR forgive him for he know not what he copyeth). Say! Maybe his copy-and-paste website is why the header is comprised of clipped letters, kinda like a ransom note?

    5. Yeah, he's holding the identity of the REAL authors of his posts hostage. Nearly ALL of them are simply taken piecemeal from elsewhere, without accrediting ANYONE. Alex Cameron's photo would be in Webster's, next to the word "Plagiarist." Changing one or two words (like "abuser" for "rumor-monger") just proves he KNEW he was plagiarizing. Nothing less that citing you, and putting your text in quotation marks, will do. And he needs to attribute proper authorship to everything else he's stolen for his "website." He is a fraud, and anyone who reproduces HIS posts, crediting him for having written them, is unwittingly aiding and abetting a plagiarist. Hopefully it will be brought to their attention, if they have posted links to him.

  2. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes.

    “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

    Which applies to Mr. Cameron? Sincere ignorance or conscientious stupidity? After today,having been made aware, should this particular plagiarist not take corrective measures,there will be no room for doubt.

    I, too, am aware of multiple acts of plagiarism on the part of Mr. Cameron. As CS stated, CZ's admonishment is mild. Others whose works have been plagiarized might not be so kind. Ignorance and/or conscientious stupidity could prove to be costly for Mr. Cameron as he could,possibly, find himself involved in litigation.

    What I find particularly ironic is that Mr.Cameron, himself, has written on the subject of morality and claims to be a Christian.

    I am proud of you, CZ. As I've stated before,violating others,no matter the form, is unacceptable to me.

    I sincerely hope Mr. Cameron take corrective action.


    1. Dear Lisa,

      You insisted I pay attention to Cameron's plagiarism and I'm glad you called me on my tendency to dismiss copy-and-paste as 'unintentional'.

      "Sincere ignorance, conscientious stupidity," or James Masterson's Swiss Cheese Brain? I'm thinking the latter how about you?

      We don't have to go to college and study ethics to figure out stealing is wrong (or "evil" as Mr. Cameron is prone to say). But claiming sainthood while doing something as instinctively wrong as stealing other people's writing? That's not JUST wrong. It's Swiss Cheese Brain.


  3. I'm with Lisa, here. He's at great risk especially plagiarizing from publications such as Psychology Today.

  4. Here's a link for those who are interested in Alex Cameron's Duplicity. His article, "Freedom from Intellectual Tyranny: The Quiet Dogma of Special Relativity", was published on Tara Palmatier's website Shrink4Men:


    Alex Cameron writes in his high-falutin' article: "Morality is what helps us to know what is right from what is wrong. It is what tells us whether something is good or evil."

    In reading the comments to his article on MORALITY (OmGosh, the irony has me falling off my computer chair in laughter!!), Alex Cameron said:

    "Let’s just say you outwardly project the appearance of a “saint”, yet in private, treat the people closest to you with utter contempt."~Alex Cameron

    And right there, he nailed it for me. Setting up a website to help men ESCAPE ABUSE (Cameron, the SAINT) while completely dismissing the contributions of a woman like myself, is CONTEMPT. My experience and insights weren't valuable enough to warrant recognition. He copied-and-pasted at will without feeling even a tinge of GUILT and he dares write an article about Intellectual Tyranny?

    Contempt is the result of holding someone in "low regard." What could be more contemptible than erasing a woman's contributions as if she'd never existed?

    1. Hear, hear. He's doing the very thing he's accusing others of. He is ABUSING a woman by stealing her writing. Furthermore, the extent of his plagiarism, of men as well, shows him to be a serial plagiarizer. HEY ALEX--wake the f*#* up, and do the right thing. Either take down your blog, or give EVERYONE whose texts you've stolen from, men and women, the credit that is morally, ethically, and legally, theirs. Word up.

  5. It's an Alex Cameron day for me. yaya!

    Hey, we all struggle integrating our anti-social behaviors with our pro-social traits, the ones we'd like to believe define us as Good People. You won't ever hear me putting Perfection Expectations on ANYONE other than myself. However, after reading this essay, it appears Alex is battling the same struggle everyone has in recovery: Walking His Talk.

    Let me re-copy a few excerpts from his essay in the event he's reading my blog today. I excerpted the following from an essay Alex wrote for the website Shrink4Men. It's a good essay and I "think" these are his words, not anybody else's. ;-P

    "The basis of all morality is that all life has value. If we accept that there is good, we accept there is also evil. To distinguish between them, we understand there needs to be “moral law.” Natural law says that our choices have consequences; moral law says there is right/wrong and good/evil. Our world is built on order, whether it be the laws of nature, or moral law. That order reflects that, because we have intrinsic value, by extension, who we are is sacred. Our heart, mind, soul, being, property and relationships are all sacred. No-one has the right to violate them, and we have no right to violate those of others.

    "Narcissism, scripture tells us, was the first original sin – the root that begat all the others. A politician’s private infidelity easily becomes fraud in taxpayer accounts because the root is dishonesty; integrity means that which happens in the private dark is the same that happens in public view.

    "The foundation of our recovery from the damage caused by personality-disordered people needs to be firmly anchored in moral and natural law, before we even begin to deal with the therapeutic platitudes. We must live according to conscience, with character.

    "As comforting as it is to re-railroad ourselves with the list of sins and betrayals committed against us, we have to begin by understanding there is a law higher than ourselves that has been violated. Life is about “we,” not just “me” – it is our collective experience."

    Direct Link to Original Publishing Site:


  6. I had a website that showcasing my artwork that was hacked by a foreign entity. My domain name was *my actual name*. So not only was my website hacked and destroyed, my real name was as well. My point is, this person may not actually exist, or exist with the name posted. It could be a site made simply to gather "hits"...or anything else. Sometimes I hate the "web"...grrrr.

  7. Hello,

    I was just alerted to the fact that Mr. Cameron guest published an article on my website that lifted passages from an article you wrote.

    To my dismay, I just discovered Mr. Cameron did the same thing to me. I wrote this: http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/the-no-contact-rule-ending-an-abusive-relationship/

    and this: http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-no-contact-rule-committing-to-it-and-making-it-work/

    and is passing it off as his own here:


    I will be addressing this on my website soon.

    I am very sorry that I published material that was, unbeknownst to me, plagiarized from you.

    Kind Regards,
    Dr Tara Palmatier

    1. I am so relieved to read your comment, Dr. Palmatier! Thank you for showing up on my blog and commenting. Evidently, you had no idea this guy was plagiarizing other people's work while writing essays on morality and ethics. Who would know? It was random for me to even find my essay AND (this is priceless) I had also linked him as a Resource For Men on my sidebar! He's not listed there anymore. Now he's on the top of my page as a Patchwork Plagiarist.

      The more we have investigated Cameron's website, the more cut-and-paste we found (even stealing from Dr. Stosny). Cameron's plagiarism is unusual to what usually happens on the web. In the Recovery Community, articles are frequently copied onto individual blogs but people aren't claiming that work as their own.

      The arrogance of plagiarizing the doctor who promoted his work is...well, breathtaking.

      I appreciate your validation, your support, and your swift response.

      Thank you,

    2. Hello CZBZ,

      Thank you for being so gracious and accepting my apology. The irony that his plagiarized material discusses morality and ethics is not lost on me. Very brazen.

      Speaking of brazen, I just spent the last 3.5 hours combing through his site and found at least 22 articles that he blatantly looted, not quote mined, but stole in their entirety. He has other posts that sound like something I've written, but I just can't slog through any more of my material that I've written over the last 4.5 years.

      Cameron is someone who has participated on my website and has been supported by the community there. I am stunned.

      Thank you again for your understanding.

      Kind Regards,

  8. Also, I have unpublished the article on Shrink4Men he plagiarized from you. Cameron is someone who regularly participated on my blogs for quite some time. I thought it was to heal from abuse. Looks like it was to lift material.

    Again, I am sorry for unwittingly playing a part in his plagiarism.

    1. Dr. Palmatier,

      The way you have handled this situation speaks highly of your integrity and I appreciate your apology very much although I do not (and I'm sure my readers don't either) hold you accountable for his plagiarism.

      Because of your kind response to this situation, I won't hesitate contacting site-owners in the future should something like this come up again. However, I have to say that after being online for over a decade now and seeing all forms of cut-and-paste, Cameron is the MOST overt and egregious plagiarist I've ever encountered!

      I am so RELIEVED that you are calling this guy out. If there is anything more I can do, don't hesitate asking. You can always reach me here: wonmanagers@yahoo.com

      Thank you,

    2. Thank you, CZ. I appreciate that.

      By the way, I emailed Cameron, too. No reply.

  9. Wow, CZ...these comments from Dr. Palmatier should go a long way to vindicating you and everyone who has been injured by this Cameron dude.

    You are on the side of the angels, and some times it seems that we are all alone, but you have certainly shown how to do this: and yes, he is incredibly overt in his stealing.

    Yeah, and along with Anonymous, my blog was hacked and I was outed by name by the worse narcissist I could have ever met. It almost made me close down my blog..which was the purpose of his hacking and lies.

    I remember a few years ago asking Sandra Brown if I could quote her in an article that I was writing to be posted on my blog, and she said that I could have 500 words, but no more. LOL! Well, this Cameron dude has excelled that amount in what he stole from you.

    Off with his head!

    Lady Nyo

    1. Hi Lady Nyo, like you, I am glad to see Dr. Palmatier so quickly tend to this, and I'm glad someone (whoever it was, thanks!!) brought it to her attention. Not that any vindication was needed!! This guy was so egregiously brazen he might as well have Plagiarist tattooed on his forehead!! It's in Dr. Palmatier's interest as well not to allow her website to be a medium for a plagiarist's material, so I'm sure she is grateful to have learned the truth about Cameron. I say, from here on out, when talking about plagiarism--the blatant kind--we say "to pull a Cameron." CZ has had many people cull from her posts over the years; she's patiently sat back and assumed they'd done so inadvertently; she's bent over backwards to give people the benefit of every possible doubt. Even in this instance, it was someone else who had to alert her to Cameron's abuse of her material. Her forum, and this blog--N-Continuum--is the best compendium of resources about narcissism; her posts constitute an encyclopedia of which she is the author. Sometimes she doesn't always take as much "ownership" of her work as she should, in my opinion, because she's writing as a public service to others who are trying to heal. Her website is a GIFT, for which she receives ZERO compensation, not one dime. That doesn't mean she isn't the AUTHOR of her posts. These posts belong to her. And she has fierce friends, many of whom are professional writers and, like Dr. Palmatier, Ph.Ds, who understand very well the legalities of such issues. As does CZ herself. I tried to comment on Cameron's website and of course it didn't post. No reply, because the guy has no possible acceptable explanation, because there isn't one. He wanted to an instant "resource" for men, by skipping the work part. Simple as that. Let others do the hard work of actually thinking and writing, while he sits back and looks like St. Cameron. There's a special circle in Hell for frauds such as him, and if his religiosity is real, he has a lot of 'splainin to do.

    2. "Her forum, and this blog--N-Continuum--is the best compendium of resources about narcissism; her posts constitute an encyclopedia of which she is the author. Sometimes she doesn't always take as much "ownership" of her work as she should, in my opinion, because she's writing as a public service to others who are trying to heal. Her website is a GIFT, for which she receives ZERO compensation, not one dime. That doesn't mean she isn't the AUTHOR of her posts." So much truth in your words, Calibans Sister, I subscribe to each one of them. CZ does have fierce friends and professionals that will do admire and give credit to her work - she is the most amazing human being, with and integrity and a special gift to touch people's lives. And that is how she and her work deserve to be recognized and honored - certainly not through such intentional plagiarism! Alison

    3. Well, with friends like this--who needs attorneys? ha!

      Thank you everyone, for the validation and support. I made up my mind many years ago, that I wanted to write about narcissism and help people get their lives together. Since I didn't need to work (because I was a good l'il SAVER increasing her hubbie's bank account), I figured "I have the time and the will and a good-enough talent to do this." Plus, if you must know-my nephew has a disability and it was convenient to occupy myself with a forum so I could stay home and raise him the way he needed to be. Everything seemed to be in place to allow me to continue doing this work, even long after I had initially intended.

      And I LOVE it.

      Something I've learned is that caretaking isn't one-sided. I help my nephew and there are times when he helps me. I help the people on WoN and they help me. It's a mutually reciprocal exchange where caring is given AND received! In this situation with plagiarism, the people whom I've supported have returned the favor by supporting me. Not one person said, "What did YOU do, CZ, to make Alex Cameron plagiarize you?"

      I can't express what a relief it is to be believed, defended, and appreciated!

      Much love to all,

  10. I heard back from Mr Cameron:

    "Hey Dr t I'm on my phone so will ping you back in a bit when I have my laptop. That certainly wasn't the intention - was more of a collage of material at the time and I've certainly never had any intention of claiming any of it as my own. Appreciate how you feel and I apologise. Whatever you'd like to do to resolve it I'd be happy to do. Honestly never thought anyone would read it so I didn't really finish going through and detailing attribution."


    1. Hi Dr. Palmatier,

      Cameron has not responded to my email. I wondered if he would feign innocence. That's why I posed this question to readers: "Intentional or Unintentional?"

      Only his conscience knows for sure. ;-P

      Speechless II

    2. Hi CZ,

      I don't think I would have heard back from him either except for a comment left by a friend on Escaping Abuse yesterday after I discovered the degree of Cameron's theft. My friend runs a website that has over a million visitors per week and a very high Alexa ranking. The comment said something to the effect that Mr. Cameron is a thief and that my friend plans make sure everyone knows about it.

      I have since replied to Cameron. My email begins with the word, "Bullshit." I then told him I expect all plagiarized material - not just the material stolen from over 20 of my articles, but ALL stolen material - to be removed within the next 12 hours or my friend and I will proceed with the article. Given the extent of Cameron's theft, I suspect he will need to take down most of "his" website.

      Speechless No More.


      P.S. Hi Jan!

  11. CZ,
    I've had Shrink4Men on my blogroll since the week Dr. Paimatier began blogging. She's always been an outspoken advocate for men and the consummate professional. I've referred so many to her site, who've gained so much insight. I think this just illustrates that anyone can be taken in by someone who plays by their own rules or perhaps no rules at all. Collage, eh? Geez, when we had some questionable papers submitted in third grade a few years back, we outed those pint-sized plagiarists even then. "I never thought anyone would read it?" Then why put it out there? Speechless is right.


    1. I think you ARE the first person to bring Shrink4Men to my attention, Jan! I added her site to my blogroll, too. There isn't any doubt in my mind that Dr. Palmatier was unaware of Cameron's duplicity.

      Unfortunately, there's not much help for men in pathological relationships. I have personal and cyber experiences with pathological women which is why I wrote my infamous "Chickens in Oz" essay.

      I noticed that today, Cameron's copyright on his website says "Alex Cameron and associated authors." Was this a recent change? AND, for a website he didn't expect people to read, "The Smear Campaign by Alex Cameron" was on Google's first page.

      I was making a joke about "only his conscience knowing for sure" because truly, we're not stupid people even if some of us write about chickens. How does someone change ONE word in a paragraph and NOT have time to add quotation marks and attribution? I tell ya, it feels like somebody is pissin' on my boots again...Fortunately, they have steel toes.

      Thanks for stopping by and speaking up, Jan!

      p.s. What did you do with those pint-sized plagiarists??


    2. Well, 'it certainly wasn't the intention"--that sounds just like the bullshit email I got from my friend, who was cheating on his wife, when I called him out on it. "Certainly never had any intention of claiming it as my own." WHAT bullshit. No one can live in today's world and not know that what he did was deliberate plagiarism. He changed specific words in CZ's post, in order to appropriate them as if they were his own. He meant to pass all this off as his own. He needs to go down, he's a menace. The absence of taking any responsibility for what he's done shows what he is. A plagiarist and a poseur. And a big-time liar.

    3. Hi CZ,

      It was there. I just checked the screenshots I took yesterday to include in my DMCA complaints I intend to file if he does not remove the material. I also told him that I want my work removed completely -- no Johnny-come-lately citations.

      To be fair, he DID properly cite one of my articles. However, it was my most "viral" article that has a high search ranking. Theft of this article would have been very, very obvious.


    4. All due respect, Dr. Palmatier, why "be fair" to him? Plagiarists often cite just a little piece of something so as so sneak big chunks of something else in. I've had my published work (published by major university presses) plagiarized by people who have cited me for something minor while stealing from me something major. It's a bait and switch tactic, and the fact that he gives you one proper citation PROVES he knew exactly what he was doing by not citing others. He has been caught red-handed. I'm glad you've nixed retro-active citation. This is not a person you want to be associated with in ANY way, I should think.

    5. Hi Jan, as a university prof, I've heard every excuse on the planet for plagiarism. You wouldn't believe what people pull out of their rear's when caught. ONe student, who never stayed awake in class, reproduced word for word my lecture, in an essay for another class. My colleague told me he'd gotten an essay from a student, who wrote stuff that sounded alot like me. When I confronted the student, he said, "well I was so tired in the afternoons during your class that I had to tape your lectures." When I replied that this didn't explain his reproducing my exact wording in a paper for a different course, he said "well I must've gotten confused when I played my tape recorder back for myself." People will say anything under the sun. I think way too many of us suffer from BDD--"Benefit of the Doubt Disorder." We give it away too much, in the most egregious circumstances.

    6. Dr. Palmatier,

      I checked the screenshot one of my fierce friends took on June 20th before sending an email to Cameron. It was © Alex Cameron and Associated Authors.

      Considering that my Alexa ranking is close to six million, I don't suppose Cameron expected anyone to recognize my essay. What he underestimated was the fierceness of my friends and the loyalty of my readers. ;-P

    7. Yeah well your CS rating is #1. That and a wooden nickel, right?

  12. Forgot to add, I also told Cameron in my reply that I publicly apologized to you, CZ. I included a link to this post, so you just might hear from him.


    1. Thanks for apology and the warning. I was worried about retaliation from Cameron's friends, based on prior experiences with online groups/communities. So far, no hate mail nor critical comments blaming me for "outing" him.

  13. He says on his "author" page "I wrote the website in 2010." That is a claim to authorship of its contents, unless he has made it clear what isn't his by citing others. Which he has not done. Which means it certainly WAS his intention to pass this writing off as his own. "More of a collage" my ASS. That's the very definition of plagiarism.

    1. Dear CS,

      I fully understand your passion for protecting copyrighted material in books, websites, on blogs. From the first time you engaged in our Recovery Community, you've made a healthy and VERY validating difference. You've raised everyone's awareness about proper citation and you've done so in the kindest way: by example.

      And you've modeled social courtesy thanking your peers for sharing insight. Like when you wrote, "CZ said this and wow, my life is perfect now!"

      ha!...jest kiddin with ya. I say good things, sure, but making your life perfect is way out of my league. :-)

      My brother is an attorney and we've had many talks about blogging and litigation. The Internet is a wild frontier without the necessary laws protecting people from bandits. These outlaws march into our place and take whatever they want without paying a dime or respect, saying "Thank you, Mam. Mighty kind o' you to write that. Now this l'il pilgrim is getting on his horsey and ridin' out of town."

      As much as I dislike going through this, the problem has persisted on the web ever since I first started writing. I've seen my articles ATTRIBUTED to someone else who insisted I was lying. If that doesn't chap yer hide, nothin' will.


    2. Hi my friend, I know you've got all your bases covered. This topic is an especial bee in my bonnet, as you know. But I think I'll give my fierceness the night off, and maybe even Sunday too! love to you, CS

    3. Dear CS,

      I trust this situation will be handled appropriately and what more could I ask for than that? Well, maybe a hug from my fierce friend and a nice Sunday tea where we can raise our little pinkies and rip Alex Cameron a new asshole.

      That my post brought this man to Dr. Palmatier's attention and she is taking action to protect herself and others from further abuse, is more than I expected. I am relieved. Relieved that the person who's trust he took advantage of, has seen through his excuses and is enforcing consequences. Now, I'm gonna take the night off too.

      Love, CZ

      p.s. AND, I'm gonna sleep like a baby :-P

  14. Update: As of 9:00 pm Saturday, 6/22/2013, Alex Cameron has not changed EVEN one word in his article, "The Smear Campaign". He has not removed it from his website nor contacted me.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Sorry, comment above was sloppily written. I'm sure there will be some movement on this. I can always write to the publisher of Psych Today to alert them that one of their authors has been plagiarized. It may take some time. Btw, I also doubt that Alex Cameron is this guy's real name.

  15. I went to his site to read, and frankly? Beyond being a plag. there is something off about this man. I can't put my finger on it, (actually, I can, but won't say publically what...) but there is something just off about him. And yes, I agree with CS: I doubt his name is Alex Cameron, but that isn't what bothers me. It's a smelly combination of things, and methinks this man is really a hide-bound narcissist.

    I say that because narcissists steal. Lots of things, as we know. But intellectual property seems to be a favorite of these folk. It builds their ego. And we know that narcissists are all about appearances and egos.

    And that he has 'apologized' to Dr. T, yet ignored CZBZ, says more about his character and mores than just about anything to me.

    But still, I have come across this sort of character before, and it rubs me raw. There is something just wrong about him.

    Another ET.

    CZ: though he has stolen heavily from your own hard work, to give substance to his own, still, your writing flies in the face of his attempts. Your writing is honest, truthful and compassionate. You are not afraid to discuss your mistakes in dealing with the various narcissists in your life (and outside now, too)That is human to me, and admirable. A reader can trust that what you write comes from personal experience and deep introspection, and you are not just whining about events that went contrary to what you wanted. Perhaps this is what is basically lacking from AC's writing: the compassion is missing, at least for me. There are other differences that strike me, but enough to say this: he isn't in your league. Period.

    Lady Nyo

  16. Hey CZ, it looks like his entire blog is now down!

    1. Yes, I received an email from Cameron about an hour and a half ago while I was out saying that he has redirected the Escaping Abuse site to a male abuse charity. This was after a rather lengthy email he sent yesterday (that I ignored) in which he described the reaction of the people here as "bordering on hysterical."

      He also did some heroic blame-shifting, projecting and pathologizing toward me saying my reaction to his unintentional-not-really-plagiarism-even-though-technically-it-is-plagiarism "emotive" and "vicious." All I did was call him out and tell him that I would publicly take action if he did not remove all stolen material and, that I was so angry, I still may publish a post about it even if he does remove it. The lame excuses for why he did what he did were embarrassingly flimsy and more nonsense about how it wasn't his "intention" to plagiarize.

      Here's the email he sent this morning:

      "It's been so long that i had to re-request access details to the EA FTP server. As of this morning, the site is now redirecting to a male abuse charity in the UK. This is nothing to do with assertions of "stealing" or "getting caught", but rather out of personal respect for you until the issue can be resolved.

      I hope you feel this satisfies your immediate request, and i would still invite you to consider using a revised version of the site as a platform for your work."

      In yesterday's email, he told me he planned not to renew the domain and had all but abandoned it. Today, he wants me to participate in a revised version.

      I feel slimed.

    2. Eeeewwww Dr. Palmatier, you WERE slimed. This guy's a piece of work. The tone of his email to you is patronizing and condescending. As if you needed him as a platform for your ideas. Good grief! The explanations that people like Cameron come up with to self-justify always amazes me. Imagine if that creativity were put toward good instead of evil! regards, CS

    3. Hi guys,
      Classic deflecting, isn't it? Trying to shift the attention from the real issue to people's reactions is standard behaviour for a Narcissist. Also his reluctance to take ownership for his actions. His comment that he has only removed the site out of deference for Dr. Palmatier is unbelievable. What a nerve.

    4. It's unbelievable, isn't it. He breaks the law right and left, then blames the people who out him. Then says he's still willing to provide his site as a "platform." This dude is a big time liar. No wonder whoever he was in a "relationship" with him bailed. To accuse Dr. P of being "emotive"? What does that even mean? And "vicious"? Like my mother, she basically could "agree with what I said" but not "how I said it." Classic classic. It's always about the "excessive reaction" of the victim. Word salad.

    5. Dr. Palmatier,

      What can I say? I'm so relieved his website is down that it's hard to express my gratitude---other than typing a string of evocative ###@@&!!**&*'s

      I am sure that without your support, he'd have blown me off as 'another hysterical woman' getting all emotional about some guy stealing my article.

      Alex wrote: "As of this morning, the site is now redirecting to a male abuse charity in the UK. This is nothing to do with assertions of "stealing" or "getting caught", but rather out of personal respect for you until the issue can be resolved."

      Never own up to breaking the law, to making mistakes. Never own up to anything, that’s how an attorney advises clients in order to evade legal consequences. Cameron can list excuses, rationals, and INSULTS, but this situations isn’t that complex! As Planet Jan says, even pint-sized plagiarists figure it out.

      I allowed some benefit of the doubt for Alex (as I mentioned in BlogDuggery One and Two). Then Caliban’s comment cleared that up when she wrote: “He says on his "author" page "I wrote the website in 2010." That is a claim to authorship of its contents, unless he has made it clear what isn't his by citing others. Which he has not done. Which means it certainly WAS his intention to pass this writing off as his own."

      Lisa, ComoKate, Alison, LadyNyo, Kara and many others who didn't post on this thread, we've all learned to trust actions more than words. I have the greatest friends, don’t I? Not one person resorted to calling Alex names (well, other than a likely diagnosis). No hate mail, no death threats, as far as hysteria goes---I’d say this place was rational as a courtroom.

      Thanks for including my article in your list of grievances and I truly appreciate your consistent updates. That eased my mind and made this whole process much easier.


  17. Hysterical? This blog? I'm generally accused of being too calm and rational. Being called HYSTERICAL is a FIRST time for me! It kinda makes me feel like I'm an honest-to-God woman now!

    In case Mr. Cameron needs an education on THE LAW, here's a quick definition of plagiarism:

    "The duplication of an author's words without quotation marks and accurate references or footnotes."

    "The duplication of author's words or phrases with footnotes or accurate references, but without quotation marks."

    "The use of an author's ideas in paraphrase without accurate references or footnotes."

    "Submitting a paper in which exact words are merely rearranged even though footnoted."

    Link: http://definitions.uslegal.com/p/plagiarism/

    See how I did that time consuming thing adding quotation marks and a cut-and-pasted url? Obeying the law makes for happy citizens and a moral-not-hysterical society.

    One more thing I'd like to address. Because I predicted Mr. Cameron would say we 'chicks' were hysterical, I can also predict his next move: discrediting me, his victim. This is exactly the content of my article "Chickens in Oz" when the person who committed the crime, shifts blame to the victim. The ironies in this ordeal continue to keep me laughing, moderating my post-menopausal hysteria.

    I would think that anyone who had copied my article as egregiously as Mr. Cameron, would be kissing my middle-aged ass for being so kind as not to file a lawsuit. The fact that I still call him Mr. is testament of my moral fiber since the man who stole my story and published it as his own, hasn't even deigned to apologize. Not an email.

    Ya know my friends, we can talk and talk ‘til we're blue in the face; we can write and write about evil versus good until we've convinced ourselves we're saints; but who we are is in the choices we make.

    This situation reminds me of a great story. My soon-to-be-X and I were driving home after our initial divorce mediation session. He'd been sleeping around with a tart who had a keen eye for making my lovely home 'hers'. He was angry with me, as usual. In his view, I had accused him of being an immoral man in front of the attorney because I filed on the grounds of infidelity. And my dear husband screamed, his big finger poking my nose, "I AM AN HONORABLE MAN!!"

    It's called cognitive dissonance when what someone says about themselves contradicts their behavior. Tragically for my X and Mr. Cameron: the ONLY way to be an HONORABLE MAN is to DO the honorable thing. You cannot have it both ways. Living God's spiritual laws require a price, the sacrifice of one’s pride: the egoic self-idol.

    Now I’d tell ya another story about my father and how he taught me what REAL MEN do when the shit hits the fan (thanks for modeling the Stand Up Man, Dad) but there isn’t space in the comment section so maybe I’ll write a post. Because of my Dad's example, I know the difference and lemme tell ya, my X was NOT an honorable man although he claimed to be; and neither is Mr. Cameron. There’s always hope though. There’s always hope for that ‘dark night of the soul’ when sinners come clean in the mercy of God.

    Hugs all,

    1. Hi CZ, well I would not hold your breath waiting for Cameron's dark night of the soul. I think he wanted to take a short cut to being an "authoritative" resource for men, and did so by stealing the writing of women. How ironic is that. I wouldn't expect any changes of heart. He knows he's in the wrong and he's running. By this point in our collective experiences, we'd have suffocated by now if we'd held our breath for every apology owed us. At least that purloined website is down now. xo CS

    2. Dear CS,

      You have a bugaboo with plagiarists and I have a bugaboo with hypocrites. BUT, sometimes people change. You also know stinkin' thinkin' like that is why I stayed married 34 years.

      Thanks for caring enough to understand this situation and offer your expertise. You are a dear friend.

    3. It's incredible how people do dishonorable things while screaming they are honorable; do dishonest things while portraying themselves as pillars of honesty. Hypocracy, definitely one of the seven deadlies. There's a brazen-ness this last decade, that is breathtaking. I'll never understand why people can't just credit others for their input. I have always always erred on the side of over thanking, in my published work. Anyone who's ever even had a conversation with me about a project, gets thanked in the acknowledgements for contributing. It costs me nothing, it takes nothing away from me to do so. This is a deeply weird kind of insecure stinginess people have, their refusal to thank others. I'll never understand it.


    4. There's a reluctance to honor one another's efforts and work in the 'recovery community', too and you would think we'd be cheerleading each other with "high-fives" and "good job" and "way to go's!" (Hey, we should work on an article about whether or not there is such a thing as an Internet Recovery Community?).

      I agree that the lack of appreciation and acknowledgment for one another's work is a "deeply weird kind of insecure stinginess." For myself, there's a vicarious joy in someone else's accomplishments. Admiration is mutually pleasurable. Before we're able to admire other people though, we must come face-to-face with our envy!

      I am older now and gloriously thrilled when my friends succeeded at something. This has been a life-long process. It's certainly been worth it, facing my inner competitor. Now I have rich and fulfilling relationships---friends who can take a compliment as well as they can give one. ha!

  18. "Before we're able to admire other people though, we must come face-to-face with our envy! " Envy is one of those emotions we all experience. Period. Occasionally, infrequently, or all the time. It is a normal part of human experience. It's what we DO with that that leads to such devastating impact on close relationships. When we envy people who are far away from us, it doesn't really matter to us. But when we envy our nearest and dearest, we'd BETTER face it, own it, accept it, and lovingly set it aside, or we are going to hurt people who deserve better. People have always compared themselves to each other. "Keeping up with the Jones" aint nothin new. Our culture breeds it. At it's best, it can lead to motivational mirroring. At its worst, it leads people to try to eradicate the object of their envy, pretend like they don't exist, while ripping off the fruits of their gifts, whether it's writing or thinking skills, research, money or other fortunes. To envy is human. To deny it is stupid. To pretend it doesn't exist and then hate the object of your envy, is dangerous to self and others. End of too early in the morning peroration!

    1. Thank you for writing too early in the morning. Wanna do that again tomorrow?

      I was watching television one night and the commercial didn't insinuate 'envy' for a neighbors possessions, it blatantly said, "You will be the envy of your neighborhood." (This is normalizing unhealthy behavior!) I thought about how much we had trivialized this emotion (state of mind, really).

      Envy is deceptive because it suggests we are "less than" the the other person so narcissistic people especially, are defended against conscious awareness of their envious feelings.

      People who are envious (you can tell by their behavior) have said, "I don't have an envious bone in my body." And then merrily go their way criticizing Angelina Jolie's face. ;-P

      We should have classes on ENVY, it can limit our lives that much! (and RUIN relationships!)

    2. This should be a separate post, on classes about Envy. You gonna do it? I still gottsa do one on the art of (not) listening........turning in early tonight. xoxox

  19. The whole "It was not intentional" speech from Mr. Cameron, followed by insults on Dr. Palmatier's reaction as "emotional" and "vicious" and our reaction here as "hysterical" reminds me of the countless times that xN would say "I am sorry I hurt you, but my intentions were always good" and then would add that if I got angry and hurt it was my choice. If I did not know about cognitive dissonance, Mr. Cameron's reaction would set my mind to a spin. Even IF it wasn't intentional, it was WRONG. Period. He should retreat in shame, apologize and correct his mistake. Without INSULTING other people who were just defending themselves and their friends. What a complete nonsense! CZ, I gather he has not replied to your email/apologized to you? Hugs, Alison

    1. Hello Alison! I'm glad you're keeping me company on this thread. Bet you never thought you'd be helping me out when you first wrote for support. See? Having a relationship with me comes at a price! You never know when I will be in trouble. :-)

      We learned about cognitive dissonance "in the trenches" didn't we? Just like you, there was a period in my life when Mr. Cameron's 'reasoning' would have spun my head around, too. And there was a time in my life when I'd have felt guilty had a man called me "emotional" or even "reactionary" because it's a common slam against women. We women know it and we back-peddle as fast as we can to prove we aren't "emotional, reactionary, or hysterical".

      You have to keep your eye on the initial 'wrong-doing' and not be swayed by that understanding-tug of your heart. Even if we understand or perhaps forgive someone their wrong-doing, that does not absolve them of the consequences nor erase the wrong-doing. I think that's where typical victims get messed up. They "understand" without enforcing consequences which turns into "enabling" (unhealthy for both people!)

      As far as intentions go, I heard this many many times. Not just from my children (a common way to escape consequences) but also from my X who did not intend to drop his Dockers. Somehow, those darn things just fell off when he was in a motel room with another woman. You know, The Tart. I figure she never intended to have an affair either. As is said in the USA anyway, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

      P.S. In answer to your question: No, he has not emailed an apology or even an excuse.


  20. I'm not thinking that clearly tonight, it's late and I had to muck out a fish pond full of dead fishes. Puts a spin on things....

    But! I have been thinking on this issue of envy/jealousy. I think it prevades many relationships: For years people told me that the NM was 'jealous' or envious of my abilities: I never could get my head around this because what Mother is jealous or envious of her daughter's accomplishments? Not a normal, loving, supportive mother, but a narcissist. They are jealous of the world and IF they are not given praise for those things that they have had nothing to do with, they go ballastic. I can testify to that. Unfortunately, I was in total denial about this. Then, I didn't know the root of the problem and it wasn't me, but the fallout certainly screwed with my life.

    "Friends", too. What is this in this society where we are pitted against each other? Why can't individuals accomplishments be honored for their existance without being tied to other crap?

    I have taught in a number of capacities, and I take the greatest joy in my students coming alive with 'ah-ha!' To see the lightbulbs go on in their faces, to see how they come alive, well, that is the greatest joy to me. I really don't care if they are in competition for the same prize, etc. as I am. We each come to competence and a certain expertise in our own way and in our own time.

    I wish someone here would write a blog entry on jealousy/envy...and open the flood gates for a discussion. I know that the withering contempt that I suffered under the gaze and behavior of my own NM made for many decades of creative inactivity because I thought my paintings/poetry/writings...had no merit at all. I did them in secret. To others, there was wonder that I could accomplish anything with my hands tied and my mind dumped into this black hole of feeling incompetent. And my behavior of refusing to acknowledge these gifts went on for decades. How much more I could have accomplished has I not been burdened with the plague of someone else's pathology? Therapy helped, but it still was a long involved self-recovery.

    So...I think this "do better than the Joneses" is a madness that is pushed in a very sick way in our society and in many, many spheres.

    As for 'hysterical', 'emotional', etc..these are words that men like Cameron throw at women because they think it's a way to shut us up. It is done to insinuate that we are illogical beings, and shouldn't be given any authority on anything except things in the kitchen.

    There is nothing progressive, just shameful, that men like Cameron would stoop to these taunts. However, he's trying to avoid having to own up to anything (shuffle and jive) and make the honorable apologies...and MEAN it.

    Call me naive, but I still have a problem with this issue of jealousy/envy. We should take extreme joy in the accomplishments of others. We don't have the end word on anything, we can only do the best we can. But...at the same time, our creativity, our accomplishments should be independent of base emotions. It's hard work, but jealousy/envy seriously robs us from the energies of creativity. To me, our task on this beautiful earth is to refine our gifts within our capacities, and give gratitude for even having those talents.

    Lady Nyo

    1. Amen, Lady Nyo. To every word here. Mid-career I have watched in pride as my former students have become my peers. I've even struggled with a pang or two of insecurity when one of them did something in a given year, when I had done nothing more than teach my classes. But I OWN that feeling, mastered it, put it away, and made room for the joy in their achievements. Why BE a teacher if you DON'T want you students eventually to match and even supercede you? Why be a parent, if you don't want your child to fly even higher than you did? The issue of envy between and among friends is connected to envy between sibs, and envy between generations. It's a super-sensitive subject because envy is one of those emotions everyone feels sometimes and most people deny it. So they denigrate the object of their envy. I did a post early on in CS, called "Contempt--the evil twin of Respect" (I think that's the name), but haven't really written about it extensively. There's a great book by Phyllis Chesler (I think CZ has her listed as a resource) about competition between women. And then, god help us, how do the men in our lives feel when we out-achieve them? That one's tricky too. xo CS

    2. Dear LadyNyo with the dead fishies in her pond (sounds like a yucky job to clean up!),

      You wrote: "For years people told me that the NM was 'jealous' or envious of my abilities: I never could get my head around this because what Mother is jealous or envious of her daughter's accomplishments?"

      This experience you're describing has been told many times by daughters of narcissistic mothers. And you're right, at least from my experience as a mother of a daughter---it's not normal to be envious to the point of diminishing/demeaning or even DISMISSING a daughter's accomplishments.

      I have felt though, a twinge of jealousy for the OPPORTUNITIES my daughter has that I didn't. From the instant "ping" reminding me how limited my options were, my heart bursts into spring that she DIDN'T live my life. That she CAN do things I could not. This would be very difficult to come to grips with if "i" had a NPD or BPD because they are not able to 'grieve' in the same way other people do. That's just one idea that popped in my head and I wanted to put it out there before CS starts her new post.

      Perhaps those who've experienced pathological envy in a relationship that 'should' be intimate and safe (FOO for example), understand ENVY and JEALOUSY in a way other people never don't? I think most people 'underestimate' the destructiveness of these "emotions."

      You don't have to reply to my comment. We can pick this up later if you'd like!


  21. LOL~! CS~! I am so glad you addressed this. You are a fine teacher and you understand these issues deeply. Also, your background with your own NM has instilled an understanding of what happens around narcissism...the whole family is enslaved! No one gets away~

    I have one child, a son at 25 who is in the Navy. He is bright but has many learning issues. It has been a struggle for me, and my husband to come to a place where we can take pride in his accomplishments. He is not a child who reads much, has had many issues with education, and doesn't pick good friends. In part, our homeschooling him set up some events that he will just have to work through. He's also adopted and there are issues from that aspect. Every time he makes a stride forward, (did I mention that he also only works on those things that interest him??) we applaud him. My mother only introduced him as her 'adopted' grandchild. I think you can see the obstacles he has in life here. He has no siblings to fight with or to compare with, yet he always felt on the outside of things. We struggled with trying to find a balance: to be aware of 'entitlement' and also rejection. SHE would compare him to others in the family, but we knew that to us, he was quite an individual. No one can predict the outcome with children, and we shouldn't put such barriers to any growth. Only narcissists claim the crystal ball! Of course, about the trajectory of others, not themselves.

    I will look for your article, CS, on your blog. I am so glad you mentioned it. I am facing this right now with a friend. She refuses to discuss anything about narcissism. She told me that doing so would just throw me back into pain. Hell's Bells~ The silence for so long of NOT discussing this pivotal issue has created enormous pain for so many of us. It's called denial with our 'friends', and actually is an excuse to avoid their OWN unresolved pain. I have learned that with certain people,who you have claimed as friends, that this issue of famial narcissism is taboo. I've been told that "you've studied it enough, get over it." Jesu! As IF we can ever know enough about this particular pathology that is rampant not only in our lives but in the fabric of society.

    And...it is particularly galling for another woman to tell me that 'I have studied enough'. As it would be for any man saying the same thing. We can never 'study' enough, or to stop educating, informing ourselves.

    Also, the women here who post obviously are intelligent and accomplished women. Talent and abilities are abounding. But in society, and families...we are told to 'hide our light under a bushel'. I call this 'light' our natural abilities and those we cultivate. I think many of us were trained NOT to show our intelligence to men, especially if we wanted to attract them. Hah~ And what was outrageous is that in many cases were were more talented and intelligent than the men around us. It was always a struggle from what we were told (IF we didn't want to be an 'old-maid') and what our natural inclination was. So, I understand what you are saying CS, about the men in our lives...it's a tricky walk indeed.

    xox~! Lady Nyo

    1. Hi Lady Nyo, there are SO many interesting things in your comment above--I don't want to take over CZ's thread here, so I'm going to go ahead and start a post on envy. It won't be a researched post, or one as thorough as CZ or Kitty usually do when they take on a topic, but I think we may as get started on it, since it's come up with respect to the Cameron plagiarism, CZ being chronically undercited and underlinked elsewhere. So I'll start on a post and catch up with you there. love CS

    2. Thank you, CS! I will be going out of town this week-end but would love to participate in a discussion on your blog as time permits. I'm so glad you're willing to pick up this topic!

      In order to understand narcissism, we must understand the impact envy has on narcissistic relationships. It doesn't matter whether it's Mother+daughter; husband+wife; sister+brother, etc. Anytime the narcissist compares him or herself to others and "comes up short", unconscious envy triggers destructive defenses (offenses!) protecting their self-esteem.

      Envy is a complex topic and I don't fully understand it. An open discussion with everyone offering their experiences and educational resources, would be very much appreciated!

    3. Hi Caliban's Sister! I was wondering what is the link for your blog...I clicked on your name here, but it took me nowhere..:(
      CZ, have a great time this weekend! :) hugs, Alison

    4. Hi CS, below is the link to my blog, which is also linked under CZ's Cyberfriendly friends at the bottom of her page. hugs back! CS

    5. sorry Alison, had a brain fart. that's Hi ALISON.

  22. HI CS, thank you! I will certainly take a look at it! I don't usually write comments on blogs (CZ's was the only one so far!) so if I don't leave a comment, it does not mean I have not read nor appreciated the post :) more hugs! Alison

    1. Not to worry, Alison. tks for letting me know.xo

  23. He cheated. He got caught. Red-handed. Why would he - or anybody else - think that nasty slurs somehow rewrite that reality? I just don't get it. Does that make me stupid?


    1. "Does that make me stupid?" ~Anon

      It might not make you stupid but if you'd an exclamation point or two, it m-i-g-h-t make you hysterical.

      I was poking around Dr. Palmatier's blog and found an excerpt she posted from Carl Alasko's book titled: "Emotional Bullshit". And yea, Alasko's book is on my book list now. It seems fairly fitting for this situation:

      "DENIAL SAYS: There is no problem. Everything is okay. You’re exaggerating. The issue doesn't matter; it’s irrelevant. (So I don’t have to change anything.)

      DELUSION SAYS: Let me tell you what’s really true. Don’t believe what you see. Believe me. (The imaginary world I've created works for me.)

      BLAME SAYS: You’re the problem. I was forced to do it; I had no choice. Or, it just happened. Destiny willed it. (No one understands my true motives. Your accusations only make things worse)".(Alasko, 2008, p.8. "Emotional Bullshit").

      Thanks for commenting, Anonymous!! (Did ya feel the emotion behind that punctuation?)


  24. Oh yeah! And I've had not one but two Nmen with multiple Ivy League degrees gravely commiserate with each other over my head that my lack of same made me unable to appreciate the fact that their bullshit was in fact vanilla ice cream. Doncha luvvit?

    1. haha! You gave me a good laugh tonight! Thanks!!

  25. Finally, a possibly dangerously deluded narcissist has been pulled up on his actions and outed by people who know what they're talking about. This thread only scratches the surface. You have no idea. "The truth will always prevail", to quote whoever first said this. Not me. Police should be notified, I imagine they are already very familiar. The website was done in response to a break up and originally referenced personal details and links to personal identities. Quite horrible articles guised as 'recovery' features were later published on shrink4men. To the blind eye they may seem harmless, but the missing information is that multiple women have contacted the police in connection to harassment. So glad I was sent this thread. Relief felt and faith in karma restored.

    1. Hi anonymous! You probably won't see my reply since it's been several months. I found your comment in the "Spam" filter this evening...kinda shocked to read it but not surprised! The way he "chickened out" when called on his plagiarism, his sneaky icky refusal to take responsibility for himself, put EVERYTHING he'd ever written into question as far as I'm concerned.

      I'm sorry to hear that you (and others) were maligned by him and I hope you've found some peace and maybe a little justice, too. Thanks for writing...I wish I'd found this earlier!



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