June 21, 2018

When Will the Forum Return?

Salambo by Adolphe Cossard

In the near future. Soon. Very soon. Maybe tomorrow but maybe this weekend though we can never know what the future will bring, can we? No worries though. Trustworthy geek spirits have reassured me the forum will return from the Land of Lost Websites any day now.

(I think the WoN Forum is hiding somewhere close to the Land of Lost Socks. The forum might be clinging to the underside of a flannel sheet, hopefully not on the inside of a pant leg and falling on the floor during a seminar on Radical Awareness.)

UPDATE

The WoN Forum is in maintenance mode while we conform to current laws and regulations. We've tolerated technical problems on the forum for awhile now so my son-the-programmer has transferred the forum to a different server allowing better interface for users. The decision to upgrade the forum complicated the transfer and he told me why but I couldn't understand what he was saying, nodding my head as if I had a clue because it's not easy being over fifty in a computerized world and admitting you felt smart when you figured out how to do blogger and the google; but now you feel like a tube sock.

artist, unknown
If anyone wants to talk, we can have a conversation in the comment section if you'd like and I'll devote time each day to check in. I hate leaving people hanging. For years, I've encouraged people to build a support system so experienced folks can hold you steady and then boom...the forum shuts down. Let me reassure everyone though: we will be back. We will not disappear and even if our lovely blue format with narcissus flowers and castle rooms disappear, the heart of the forum remains: our conversations over the years.

One of the most amazing things about a forum as old as WoN (organized in 2005) is that people have continued sharing their lives for over a decade! Everyone's stories have been inspirational and everyone from newbies-to-longtimers have grounded me in the recovery process. I need everyone's help. My recovery was not and never could be a six-week CD and E-Book course. Recovery is life-long and that's okay because relationships with others and with ourselves, get better and better overtime. Easier, too. It's easier to love people when you don't hate yourself.

Now that I've spent a freaking hour-and-a-half writing six paragraphs, my evidenced-based reality says: the longer I go without writing, the harder it is to think in words. Yikes. I used to write ten paragraphs in two minutes. That's a lie. Or perhaps it's a falsehood. Wait. Maybe it's neither. Maybe it's hyperbole. Yes. Let's call it a benign exaggeration to dramatize my point. All I know after composing this mess is that writing oughta be on a to-do list for maintaining my sanity in what most people would agree is CrazyTimesUSA. And that is not hyperbole. It's an evidence-based fact.

Hugs to all,
CZ




2 comments:

  1. Hi I just found your blog and really appreciate it. I am trying to recover being a narcissist after my life was shattered due to my choices. Now all I can feel is perpetual terror and fear and everything seems extremely claustrophobic. I even have a wife who welcomed me back and three loving daughters but I fear what I have done will ruin their lives growing up with my business and life. How do narcisissts live with the damage they have done?

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  2. Here is my situation and I hope you can point me to a recovery group or something that helps people who are struggling regaining their sense of self after lying to themselves for most of their life. I would like to think I have been honest but that’s not accurate. I would rationalize away all my honesty until there is nothing left of truth or my integrity.

    My wife and I had problems for a long time. I always thought it was her upbringing that caused our issues (her parents argued openly) while mine did not (avoided issues). We went back and forth about separating and divorcing for a long time because of our differences. We went to lots of therapy that seemed to not work. I still did not see my problems. I saw myself as taking care of the kids and she was in a deep depression. I did not know what to do. I realize now all the times she felt ignored and left behind and I was not there for her. At that time I asked a Facebook friend for help with my birthday party. She contacted me back after initially meeting and asked for an affair. I was beyond myself and was addicted to porn (had been since 10 and told no one). I gave my wife separation papers before I did anything physical with this woman. My wife was initially looking them over and gave them to her lawyer. I thought we were going to get divorced because of these years of issues. Then my wife says she wanted me back before she found out I was having an affair. I realize now it was an affair. Before I justified it as I did not do anything with her before the separation papers. Now I know the devastating effect my actions had. When my wife found out I was confronted and I left not wanting any damage to anyone. She tried contacting me but several hours later she decided to contact the police and change the locks. The next day was my middle child’s 11thr birthday party which I was told I was no allowed to go to. We started divorce proceedings and it was costly for all sorts of reasons. I could not see my children or her due to a PFA. I missed all my girls birthdays(11, 13, 7) because of my actions. I missed all the summer because of my actions. I dived deeper into denial with the affair partner. I thought any contact with my wife was an automatic jail sentence. The affair partner was deeply invested in me and I told her lies I realize now because she made me feel good about myself even though I’m a lousy person. She is very dysfunctional and I could not see it, I only thought my wife didn’t want me.

    My wife gave me a second chance and I am back in my family’s life now. I am seeking help through group therapy, psychologists and faith based mentors. My business that I had is being destroyed by my mismanagement, my relationships with my amily, my wife’s family and a large portion of my life I feel is being destroyed due to my relationship with the affair partner, and my relationship with my children is a lot worse then it was before all because of my actions. I feel every day is just monumentally difficult to wake up and I don’t look forward to anything beyond saying hello to my children and being with my wife. I hate myself, what I have done with my life and just do not feel good about any of my actions. I pray that something would help me to feel like I had not done any of this but I know that’s false hope. Is there any way to contact men before they get to my stage where everything is still somewhat manageable to make them realize what a huge mistake it is to do anything that would jeopardize their future and their relationships? How do I rebuild myself from this and where can I go to recover from this devastation? Where can I get help for my family that I have hurt in such a way?

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