1-I'm not a professional writer, psychologist, researcher or relationship guru. So please use critical thinking skills to question whether or not my experience aligns with yours.
2-We are not to blame for the terrible things people do, often in the name of love; but we are responsible for what we do with ourselves in the aftermath. Take ownership of your life again. Give up changing the narcissist. Change your life instead
3-Stop pathologizing yourself because you were in relationship with a narcissist, whether by choice or cosmic accident of birth. And don't let other folks pathologize you either. We are no more to blame for the narcissistic tornado blowing our lives to smithereens, than people building homes in Kansas.
Over the past six years, numerous websites and blogs have focused on exposing pathological narcissism as a mental disorder. These websites, message boards and blogs represent healthy narcissism in action. People are standing up for themselves and untangling their lives from narcissistic enmeshment, ignorance about narcissism and illegitimate self-blame.
If we understand the distinctions between healthy and unhealthy narcissism, it will be easier to stand up for ourselves. That's why my blog focuses on the 'narcissistic continuum' rather than focusing solely on malignant narcissists as the tornados they are. I will be writing about predator-Ns, too; but my initial interest is helping people restore their dignity after being turned upside-down by the confusing (and potentially dangerous) N-relatioNship. Once we get our feet back on the ground, it's easier to brace ourselves against the bag-o-wind. We might even decide to start running...hopefully, the other direction of the tornado.
Learn what it means to be healthily narcissistic and set your goals on becoming the person you’d like to meet.
A word to the Wise
“The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social compact are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.” ~Judith Herman
People will resist your efforts to speak the unspeakable and you will likely experience a great deal of anxiety about breaking the No Talk Rule. When we question the inequity of power-based systems (this includes 'the family'), we threaten the privileged who prefer we accept our subordination as normal. Or even: mandated by God. Disclosing our personal experience with pathological narcissists may frighten those who resist conscious awareness of their abuse.
Breaking the silence is not easy. Ever. That’s why so few of us do it. Which is exactly how unhealthy narcissism proliferates when good folks silence themselves for fear of being judged by others. So take their accusations as validation you are defying the status quo and making a positive difference in your life and most likely, many other people's lives.
"About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all." ~Rita Mae Brown
In this message, I hope to clarify how people can best use my blog to help themselves while also encouraging each of you to increase your healthy narcissism by taking responsibility for changing your life.
My blog is organized in Categories listed on the right-hand margin of the web page beginning with Healthy Narcissism and ending with Malignant Narcissism. I intend to share my experiences about the distinctions of healthy-to-unhealthy narcissism while also referring readers to credible websites and articles based on current psychological research. I may have a different opinion about the interpretation of research, but for the most part, I rely on professional expertise to keep me on track.
There are Labels at the conclusion of each message posted on this blog. If you are interested in reading prior postings about 'malignant narcissism' for example, click on the keyword and a search engine will bring up prior postings.
If you would like to read comments on a message, click on the Title of the post and comments are added to the bottom of the message. I tend to be long-winded (no, duh!) and sometimes it's easier to read comments if they are not restricted to the limited space of the pop-up window.
If you would like to Comment on a particular message, click on 'comments' at the end of each message and a pop-up window will accept your reply. Comments are not immediately posted to the message. They are subject to my review and will either be approved or denied. Too many years in cyberspace have eroded my naivete about the innate goodness of all human beings. (insert wink here)
If you feel comfortable talking about your life, please feel free to do that on this blog or join a support community. There are so many good people in this world that if you're feeling cynical about human nature, just look around. When we ask for help, help is there.
Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery